[video] Hoo Has Been Eating All of These Kittens? The Answer is Not Surprising. At All.

[oldstandard]

[The video begins with an upbeat intro tune, and a cartoon font spelling “UnderSTANding Stuff with Mr. Mystery! Episode 1: Writing a Check” appearing underneath a picture of Stan’s face.

Following the intro, you can see an old man pinching the bridge of his nose and sighing loudly, before forcing a smile and donning his used car salesman persona]

Afternoon kids! Mr. Mystery here, and we’re not learning to write checks today. I just don’t know how to change the title card and I’m not willing to learn. So obviously this wasn’t the first episode I’d originally planned, but sometimes life throws you curveballs five minutes before show time and you need to handle that. And by curveballs, I mean we need to address the elephant in the room. And by elephant I mean owl.

You mean Owlfonso?!

[After giving the twins an exasperated look, he turns back towards the camera.] A-hem! Now welcome today’s guest stars, Dipper and Mabel! Now for you, and the kids at home -- but mostly you two, today we’re going to be learning about the food chain! Now what is the food chain? Basically, it’s a list of who eats what. Usually it’s the scarier things on top, but there are exceptions, because spiders exist. Anyway, soft cute things tend to be towards the bottom.

And you know what’s soft and cute? The kittens Dipper keeps sneezing into existence. The kittens that don’t seem to stay a consistent number day to day, but aren’t always increasing. The defenseless, very vulnerable to owl attacks from above kittens.

We've been rehoming them! Iron Bull took like, six.

Woo hoo, six less to go to a horrifying death. How many are left?

Wait, horrifying death!??

Are you not getting what I’m getting at with the defenseless from-- The owl's eating the nose kittens, kids.

[A jaunty ending theme plays.]

Comments

video;

[ursawhiner]

Dude! There is so much wrong! We're complicit in kitten murder!

text;

[maime]

Better a swift death by owl
than a drawn out one through neglect

or just stop sneezing I guess

[ursawhiner]

Hay fever is a very serious problem!

And we take care of all our kittens! They have almost an entire house.

[maime]

How many are there?

[ursawhiner]

Besides Tupaws and Fiddy Whiskas, or...?

[maime]

The bird eat the rest?

[ursawhiner]

No! We still have a lot of kittens, we're just trying to adopt them out!

[maime]

Why don't you just get rid of the bird then
Owl seems like an outside pet

[ursawhiner]

He skateboards! He won't survive in the wilderness!

[maime]

What
Why would an owl skateboard
It can fly

[ursawhiner]

....That's actually a really good question. Owlfonso's skateboard tricks are really cool, though.

[maime]

If he's smart enough to skateboard
Couldn't you teach him to only eat things he finds outside

[ursawhiner]

We kind of thought he didn't actually need to eat anything besides frozen waffles?

[maime]

Why would you think that
Frozen waffles don't exist in the wild

[ursawhiner]

Mabel's pigs don't have to eat! And the kittens just eat kitten food. And gummi fish.

[maime]

Do the pigs come out of her nose too
kitten food =/= frozen waffles
point stands

[ursawhiner]

No, they're more like her familiars. They shapeshift and stuff.

I don't know, man! We thought a skateboarding owl would be magical!

[maime]

[He honestly doesn't know what to say to any of this]

where did it even come from

[ursawhiner]

He was a gift. One of our friends won him from a Swear-In. I won a car.

[maime]

Maybe give it back to them then

[Not even going to question whose idea it was to give a kid a car as a prize]

[ursawhiner]

Owlfonso's part of the family. We can't just give them up.

[maime]

Cats aren't?
Eating other family members is grounds for being kicked out
I think

[ursawhiner]

He didn't know any better! It's our fault anyways.

[maime]

maybe you two should be kicked out then

[Maine don't bully the children]

[ursawhiner]

...That would leave a house full of kittens, an owl, and an 11 year old girl who can pull swords out of people.