maskormenace | 005 ♣ VIDEO ♠ Choice

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005 ♣ VIDEO ♠ Choice

[Ah, when was the last time he posted to this thing- it feels like ages, though it's only been a month or so, how interesting, time does fly here despite being dreadfully idle during a majority of it. And if he recalls, he wasn't even playing 'himself' really in his last message here, more just to pass the time. Of course this new post he plans will be nothing but nonsense--

or seem it anyway.]

[You can tell a lot about someone by what they have to say after all, especially during games.]

[The video shows what appear to be legs and feet. The camera stares down the legs of his white harem pants and shows his feet, crossed at the ankles up on some chair beside him, in atlantic blue high heels. Hisoka seems to be at some cafe, there's a rather pink looking tea cup at his side on a table.]

Let's play a game, shall we? I'm sure many of us looking at the network for now have nothing better to do. Have you ever played 'Would You Rather?' It relies on creativity and a degree of forethought. [And can be a lot more indepth and profound than one might think. Or so he hopes it will be.]

You create two situations and ask which someone would prefer. Shall I start? Perhaps something simple to get our feet wet.

[His legs uncross, and cross in the opposite way, a hand with bright, long, clawed nails appears and picks up the cup for a moment before setting it back down.]

Would you rather- to lose a hand forever or a foot forever?

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Not for me, can you not say the same?

no

i would bring them here .

[ Regardless of memories, or anything else. They'd thank him for it. It would be so much better than anything they left behind on that Train. ]

Is that because home is not much of a home then? Do you like it here?

home was a bad place . i like it here
but i cant go home anyway
i would die
its not a choice .

[ Not the way it had been for Hisoka, anyway. He’d been interested in what it was like to have that choice, because he doesn’t have it himself. ]

You would die if you were turned home? Did you die before you arrived here? Or is it an inevitable truth in your world? How sad...

[ Grey considers. ]

both

the porter brought me back . that is not sad

[ It’s a matter of perspective, really. Even if he didn’t die, he probably still wouldn’t want to go back. Not unless certain others would avoid dying, too. ]

I know others like you, those from my own world too. How does it feel knowing that? To only be alive here, are you that thankful to the Porter?

[ Grey isn’t sure he understands this question. Is there really anyone who would rather be dead? If given the choice to exist or not, surely they would choose to live.

He is about to say so, and then he thinks back on that moment. The knife being driven slowly in, knowing that everything was ending. Knowing that he had done his best, and there was no more fight to be had. He would make the same choices now that he had then.

But he also has more to live for, now. ]

it feels better than dying

[ That much is true, and is easy to say. Less complicated than everything going through his head. ]

id rather be here than nowhere
id rather be here than home

[ He sends that, and then hesitates, his eyes stuck on the words. Then he adds: ]

its just people that i miss

Nowhere? So then you don't believe in an after life?

[Not that he did either, but it was an interesting thing to ask. And he knew others would accept death more than life- though those types he had no interest at all. The dead.]

None of those people are here? Some of us are rather lucky. Surely you've made some connections here since arriving? Or is making friends difficult for you?

[ Grey hesitates. An after life? No one has ever asked him that before, and he isn't sure how to answer.

If there is any after life, surely it's here? This is where he's come after he died. He doesn't remember anything else. ]

this is after life . i believe in this

i miss people from the train
there are others here

i have friends . they are good people
that wasnt difficult .

I'm afraid you're mistaken, this is another life, that's what you've been given. A true afterlife would be something else, or do you think you are still dead here?

Maybe we all are, and we just don't know it?

Edited 2015-09-20 17:31 (UTC)

[ This is verging into the kind of existential territory that’s a long way above Grey’s head. ]

no . this is real
there was life and then death and then this . that’s all there is

[Which is fine, everyone has their limit. Mental prowess could be very alluring and captivating, but so could physical. Hisoka would probably enjoy the latter much more from him.]

What was that life like before the death? Did you die in a way you accept?

[ No one has really put it like that before. ]

yes . i would do it again
i didn’t expect to come back

[How interesting... Someone who died expecting it, that made it seem like a story was there, or perhaps he had been sick? Hisoka is more hopeful though.]

May I ask how it happened?

[ He doesn't reply right away. This is not an easy thing to talk about, even now, and Grey generally doesn't. People generally don't ask.

It's not a secret, though. He explains as briefly as he can. ]

he would have killed curtis
i stopped him . i fought him

i wanted to beat him so that curtis would be safe
but he was stronger than me
he pinned me
and put the knife in my chest
and i died there .

i dont know what happened to curtis
i dont know if he lived . i hope so

but i would do it again . to save him
he was the important one .

[It could mean a range of things. Curtis- a leader, a lover, a friend, family member, and so on. He can't say for sure but the fact that this person so willingly gave his life for another deserves some respect, even if Hisoka doesn't personally agree with giving himself up like that. It shows courage though, and will, but ah

alas.]

[He's not much interested in the dead, he's unsure how he feels about continuing speaking to this person just yet. While he's dead, he still acts very alive at least. Like he wants to live.]

So then you weren't ready, to fight for yourself or save this Curtis, do you wan t to be ready in this world? Incase he should arrive? Or just to be strong for yourself?

i was ready

[ That comes back quickly, certainly. Grey had not been unprepared. In all his life, it could be argued, he had never been prepared for anything else. It's why he's so lost here, even now. ]

i was ready but he was better . stronger

here
i just want to live .

[ He thinks of April as he says that. April, who so often tells him to live. He thinks it would be the only order she ever gave him, if she could. But she's right.That's what Grey wants. He's had a taste of freedom here, and he doesn't want to give it up. It's the only thing he wants to fight for, now. ]

But what if someone better and stronger comes for you in this world, don't you want to be prepared?

To continue living?

[ If they are better then they will kill him. He cannot prevent that.

He does, however, still train. He will never not be ready. ]

i am prepared

i am always prepared .

I'm sure. I'm interested in how prepared. [A low lidded look, not that this person can see it.]

Are you willing to show me? Perhaps i can help you prepare even more.