Jeff "Joker" Moreau (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
boneitis) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
maskormenace2015-09-21 08:19 pm
boneitis) wrote in maskormenace2015-09-21 08:19 pm
Entry tags:
- † agent texas | n/a,
- † commander shepard | blasto,
- † garrus vakarian | n/a,
- † james jesse | the trickster,
- † jeff 'joker' moreau | n/a,
- † kaidan alenko | sentinel,
- † kanaya maryam-lalonde | psychopomp,
- † kasumi goto | n/a,
- † marian hawke | andraste's mabari,
- † motoko kusanagi | the major,
- † pacifica northwest | n/a,
- † sai | n/a,
- † sera | your mum's tits,
- † steve rogers | captain america,
- † talyn lavellan | the inquisitor,
- † the iron bull | the iron dragon,
- † wally west | kid flash
Transmission 002 | Video
[Did anyone ever really want a selfie-style shot of Joker’s asshole face when they got on the network? No? Too bad, because it’s there.]
Hi there, boys and girls. Guess what time it is?
[Time for everyone to fucking leave if they know what’s good for them. If you’re still here, godspeed, brave soul. You’re in for a wild ride from start to finish.]
Hey, Kasumi, tell ‘em. Tell ‘em what we’ve got.
[Anyone watching might become slightly seasick as the camera swings away from Joker and over to Kasumi. The hooded woman gives the camera a grin--the kind that someone has when they’re up to no good, like a kid who just stole something from the candy store. (She may actually have stolen something from a store today.) She holds up a paperback novel in her hands.]
We’ve got… this work of art. A masterpiece, honestly. And we’re going to share it with you all because we care.
[She tosses the book over to Joker without warning--but, you know, gently--and takes the camera. Let’s all just hope he doesn’t fracture his fingers trying to catch the damn thing. Note the bottle(s) of wine, and an empty box of pizza on the table as the video focuses on him.]
[He barely makes the catch, fumbling it a little because he’d been in the process of reaching for a glass when she’d thrown it. They are absolutely real adults and there’s no way he’d make it through this whole thing without wine and pizza.]
Seriously, though, this thing is a work of freaking brilliance. It should win all the awards. Every award, ever.
[Joker opens the book to a specially marked page.]
You guys ready for this? Because you’re not. There’s nothing in your life that would’ve ever prepared you for this shit.
[He clears his throat and starts off in a deep, dramatic voice,]
’Torolf entered her like she was a lottery.’ [There is a brief moment where he has to visibly compose himself, nearly overwhelmed by the sheer… amazingness of that single sentence.] ’His engorged pecker pushed inside her and she felt fulfilled with sexual fulfillment.’
Oh, yeah, by the way? This guy’s name is Torolf and I think he’s a time-traveling Viking, and no, I’m not shitting you right now.
[Background information imparted, he goes back to the text.]
’Hilda clutched at the bedsheets with lust and ecstasy and also her hands. Her spongy’… spongy love mountains? Yeah, that totally says ‘spongy love mountains’, okay, I’m just gonna go with it. Well, they hurled to and fro with every pounding, and is it just me or does that sound uncomfortable?
[Joker is merely answered by the sound of Kasumi’s unbridled laughter for a moment until she manages to compose herself. If only to offer:]
No, they’re fine. With how spongy she apparently is? All that hurling to and fro is probably nothing.
I’ll defer to your expert opinion. [He reaches down to grab his glass of wine-- filled way higher than wine glasses are supposed to be filled, but fuck you he does what he wants-- and takes a dainty sip.] So, where was I… right, okay, ‘Her body was like a beautiful flower that was opening and somebody was pushing their dick inside it.’
[And he nearly loses it again, but gamely manages to continue,]’Then Torolf moaned, arched his back, and suff--pphhfffftoh my god is this the real life-- suffered from dick Parkinson’s.
[And then he does completely and utterly lose it.]
Hi there, boys and girls. Guess what time it is?
[Time for everyone to fucking leave if they know what’s good for them. If you’re still here, godspeed, brave soul. You’re in for a wild ride from start to finish.]
Hey, Kasumi, tell ‘em. Tell ‘em what we’ve got.
[Anyone watching might become slightly seasick as the camera swings away from Joker and over to Kasumi. The hooded woman gives the camera a grin--the kind that someone has when they’re up to no good, like a kid who just stole something from the candy store. (She may actually have stolen something from a store today.) She holds up a paperback novel in her hands.]
We’ve got… this work of art. A masterpiece, honestly. And we’re going to share it with you all because we care.
[She tosses the book over to Joker without warning--but, you know, gently--and takes the camera. Let’s all just hope he doesn’t fracture his fingers trying to catch the damn thing. Note the bottle(s) of wine, and an empty box of pizza on the table as the video focuses on him.]
[He barely makes the catch, fumbling it a little because he’d been in the process of reaching for a glass when she’d thrown it. They are absolutely real adults and there’s no way he’d make it through this whole thing without wine and pizza.]
Seriously, though, this thing is a work of freaking brilliance. It should win all the awards. Every award, ever.
[Joker opens the book to a specially marked page.]
You guys ready for this? Because you’re not. There’s nothing in your life that would’ve ever prepared you for this shit.
[He clears his throat and starts off in a deep, dramatic voice,]
’Torolf entered her like she was a lottery.’ [There is a brief moment where he has to visibly compose himself, nearly overwhelmed by the sheer… amazingness of that single sentence.] ’His engorged pecker pushed inside her and she felt fulfilled with sexual fulfillment.’
Oh, yeah, by the way? This guy’s name is Torolf and I think he’s a time-traveling Viking, and no, I’m not shitting you right now.
[Background information imparted, he goes back to the text.]
’Hilda clutched at the bedsheets with lust and ecstasy and also her hands. Her spongy’… spongy love mountains? Yeah, that totally says ‘spongy love mountains’, okay, I’m just gonna go with it. Well, they hurled to and fro with every pounding, and is it just me or does that sound uncomfortable?
[Joker is merely answered by the sound of Kasumi’s unbridled laughter for a moment until she manages to compose herself. If only to offer:]
No, they’re fine. With how spongy she apparently is? All that hurling to and fro is probably nothing.
I’ll defer to your expert opinion. [He reaches down to grab his glass of wine-- filled way higher than wine glasses are supposed to be filled, but fuck you he does what he wants-- and takes a dainty sip.] So, where was I… right, okay, ‘Her body was like a beautiful flower that was opening and somebody was pushing their dick inside it.’
[And he nearly loses it again, but gamely manages to continue,]’Then Torolf moaned, arched his back, and suff--pphhfffftoh my god is this the real life-- suffered from dick Parkinson’s.
[And then he does completely and utterly lose it.]
no subject
If only because there is now an opportunity to rib him about the EDI thing. ]
Uh-huh. I saw. I'm sure you were very pleased with her new mobile platform.
But I'm sticking to Liara. She's the Shadow Broker. That earns serious points with me. Also, she's really pretty.
no subject
[Because hey, if he's going to have his copilot in a robot body, it might as well be a robot body with the proportions of a supermodel, right?]
I like Liara just fine, but c'mon. EDI's not just hot, she's also my ship. What can I say, I'm biased.
[Super biased.]
no subject
Uh-huh. Not to sound biased against robots, but EDI wouldn't even be in this competition without her... mobile platform. In fact, it's the only reason she's in, unlike Legion.
no subject
[It would be weird to put the fanboy hivemind robot into the sexy brackets just like it would be weird to put the tankbaby into the brackets.]
So yeah, if you've got a point, you're gonna need to make it a little better. Try phrasing it in the form of a question.