Jeff "Joker" Moreau (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
boneitis) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
maskormenace2015-09-21 08:19 pm
boneitis) wrote in maskormenace2015-09-21 08:19 pm
Entry tags:
- † agent texas | n/a,
- † commander shepard | blasto,
- † garrus vakarian | n/a,
- † james jesse | the trickster,
- † jeff 'joker' moreau | n/a,
- † kaidan alenko | sentinel,
- † kanaya maryam-lalonde | psychopomp,
- † kasumi goto | n/a,
- † marian hawke | andraste's mabari,
- † motoko kusanagi | the major,
- † pacifica northwest | n/a,
- † sai | n/a,
- † sera | your mum's tits,
- † steve rogers | captain america,
- † talyn lavellan | the inquisitor,
- † the iron bull | the iron dragon,
- † wally west | kid flash
Transmission 002 | Video
[Did anyone ever really want a selfie-style shot of Joker’s asshole face when they got on the network? No? Too bad, because it’s there.]
Hi there, boys and girls. Guess what time it is?
[Time for everyone to fucking leave if they know what’s good for them. If you’re still here, godspeed, brave soul. You’re in for a wild ride from start to finish.]
Hey, Kasumi, tell ‘em. Tell ‘em what we’ve got.
[Anyone watching might become slightly seasick as the camera swings away from Joker and over to Kasumi. The hooded woman gives the camera a grin--the kind that someone has when they’re up to no good, like a kid who just stole something from the candy store. (She may actually have stolen something from a store today.) She holds up a paperback novel in her hands.]
We’ve got… this work of art. A masterpiece, honestly. And we’re going to share it with you all because we care.
[She tosses the book over to Joker without warning--but, you know, gently--and takes the camera. Let’s all just hope he doesn’t fracture his fingers trying to catch the damn thing. Note the bottle(s) of wine, and an empty box of pizza on the table as the video focuses on him.]
[He barely makes the catch, fumbling it a little because he’d been in the process of reaching for a glass when she’d thrown it. They are absolutely real adults and there’s no way he’d make it through this whole thing without wine and pizza.]
Seriously, though, this thing is a work of freaking brilliance. It should win all the awards. Every award, ever.
[Joker opens the book to a specially marked page.]
You guys ready for this? Because you’re not. There’s nothing in your life that would’ve ever prepared you for this shit.
[He clears his throat and starts off in a deep, dramatic voice,]
’Torolf entered her like she was a lottery.’ [There is a brief moment where he has to visibly compose himself, nearly overwhelmed by the sheer… amazingness of that single sentence.] ’His engorged pecker pushed inside her and she felt fulfilled with sexual fulfillment.’
Oh, yeah, by the way? This guy’s name is Torolf and I think he’s a time-traveling Viking, and no, I’m not shitting you right now.
[Background information imparted, he goes back to the text.]
’Hilda clutched at the bedsheets with lust and ecstasy and also her hands. Her spongy’… spongy love mountains? Yeah, that totally says ‘spongy love mountains’, okay, I’m just gonna go with it. Well, they hurled to and fro with every pounding, and is it just me or does that sound uncomfortable?
[Joker is merely answered by the sound of Kasumi’s unbridled laughter for a moment until she manages to compose herself. If only to offer:]
No, they’re fine. With how spongy she apparently is? All that hurling to and fro is probably nothing.
I’ll defer to your expert opinion. [He reaches down to grab his glass of wine-- filled way higher than wine glasses are supposed to be filled, but fuck you he does what he wants-- and takes a dainty sip.] So, where was I… right, okay, ‘Her body was like a beautiful flower that was opening and somebody was pushing their dick inside it.’
[And he nearly loses it again, but gamely manages to continue,]’Then Torolf moaned, arched his back, and suff--pphhfffftoh my god is this the real life-- suffered from dick Parkinson’s.
[And then he does completely and utterly lose it.]
Hi there, boys and girls. Guess what time it is?
[Time for everyone to fucking leave if they know what’s good for them. If you’re still here, godspeed, brave soul. You’re in for a wild ride from start to finish.]
Hey, Kasumi, tell ‘em. Tell ‘em what we’ve got.
[Anyone watching might become slightly seasick as the camera swings away from Joker and over to Kasumi. The hooded woman gives the camera a grin--the kind that someone has when they’re up to no good, like a kid who just stole something from the candy store. (She may actually have stolen something from a store today.) She holds up a paperback novel in her hands.]
We’ve got… this work of art. A masterpiece, honestly. And we’re going to share it with you all because we care.
[She tosses the book over to Joker without warning--but, you know, gently--and takes the camera. Let’s all just hope he doesn’t fracture his fingers trying to catch the damn thing. Note the bottle(s) of wine, and an empty box of pizza on the table as the video focuses on him.]
[He barely makes the catch, fumbling it a little because he’d been in the process of reaching for a glass when she’d thrown it. They are absolutely real adults and there’s no way he’d make it through this whole thing without wine and pizza.]
Seriously, though, this thing is a work of freaking brilliance. It should win all the awards. Every award, ever.
[Joker opens the book to a specially marked page.]
You guys ready for this? Because you’re not. There’s nothing in your life that would’ve ever prepared you for this shit.
[He clears his throat and starts off in a deep, dramatic voice,]
’Torolf entered her like she was a lottery.’ [There is a brief moment where he has to visibly compose himself, nearly overwhelmed by the sheer… amazingness of that single sentence.] ’His engorged pecker pushed inside her and she felt fulfilled with sexual fulfillment.’
Oh, yeah, by the way? This guy’s name is Torolf and I think he’s a time-traveling Viking, and no, I’m not shitting you right now.
[Background information imparted, he goes back to the text.]
’Hilda clutched at the bedsheets with lust and ecstasy and also her hands. Her spongy’… spongy love mountains? Yeah, that totally says ‘spongy love mountains’, okay, I’m just gonna go with it. Well, they hurled to and fro with every pounding, and is it just me or does that sound uncomfortable?
[Joker is merely answered by the sound of Kasumi’s unbridled laughter for a moment until she manages to compose herself. If only to offer:]
No, they’re fine. With how spongy she apparently is? All that hurling to and fro is probably nothing.
I’ll defer to your expert opinion. [He reaches down to grab his glass of wine-- filled way higher than wine glasses are supposed to be filled, but fuck you he does what he wants-- and takes a dainty sip.] So, where was I… right, okay, ‘Her body was like a beautiful flower that was opening and somebody was pushing their dick inside it.’
[And he nearly loses it again, but gamely manages to continue,]’Then Torolf moaned, arched his back, and suff--pphhfffftoh my god is this the real life-- suffered from dick Parkinson’s.
[And then he does completely and utterly lose it.]
voice
Kasumi! Stop it!
voice
Stop what? I'm not doing anything!
voice
This isn't even funny, it's gross!
voice
voice
You can have fun dragging his ass to the hospital.
voice
[ Thank god for her teleportation! Sure, she'll get tired as hell dragging his ass along, but it's cool. ]
So, how's Finland? All's well here in America. As you know.
voice
[ A pause, then. His voice takes a downturn, a long pause. Silence stretches for a moment, before he cleared his throat. ]
Glad everything's going alright back in the states. It's... I'll tell you later, but it's not exactly just patrols out here.
voice
I'm guessing there's not much time for sightseeing and fun traveling type things, then, huh?
voice
It was fine at first, nice lodging, very fancy, plenty of food, but...
Once things took a turn, there's been no turning back from that. You know how it is. Ruins an entire vacation.
voice
Damn Russians, always ruining romantic getaways.
voice
It wasn't exactly supposed to be a Vacation, Kasumi.
[ Is he disappointed? He's hella disappointed. He's just trying to not think about how disappointed he is. By reminding himself that this was the job he was brought over to do. ]
voice
But when you get called over for something like that, you'd hope that it would end up being more like a vacation than that. I get it.
[ For all her flippancy, she really does get it. ]
voice
[ A beat. ] We were definitely hoping it would be little more than a resort. It was, for a bit. Things were pretty calm, but then...
Things went downhill pretty quick, all things considered.
voice
Are you two going to be alright? [ She cares more about just Shep and Kaidan than the operation as a whole. ]
voice
[ She can practically hear him shake his head. ] We'll be fine. Come on, we're the two biggest badasses in the milky way. [ He's literally putting on a brave face. ]
voice
voice
So there's that.
voice
voice
voice
voice
It's just silly.
voice
Just... Take care of yourselves, okay? I know this is nothing compared to what we've been up against, but... You never know.