maskormenace | Transmission 002

[Did anyone ever really want a selfie-style shot of Joker’s asshole face when they got on the network? No? Too bad, because it’s there.]

Hi there, boys and girls. Guess what time it is?

[Time for everyone to fucking leave if they know what’s good for them. If you’re still here, godspeed, brave soul. You’re in for a wild ride from start to finish.]

Hey, Kasumi, tell ‘em. Tell ‘em what we’ve got.

[Anyone watching might become slightly seasick as the camera swings away from Joker and over to Kasumi. The hooded woman gives the camera a grin--the kind that someone has when they’re up to no good, like a kid who just stole something from the candy store. (She may actually have stolen something from a store today.) She holds up a paperback novel in her hands.]

We’ve got… this work of art. A masterpiece, honestly. And we’re going to share it with you all because we care.

[She tosses the book over to Joker without warning--but, you know, gently--and takes the camera. Let’s all just hope he doesn’t fracture his fingers trying to catch the damn thing. Note the bottle(s) of wine, and an empty box of pizza on the table as the video focuses on him.]

[He barely makes the catch, fumbling it a little because he’d been in the process of reaching for a glass when she’d thrown it. They are absolutely real adults and there’s no way he’d make it through this whole thing without wine and pizza.]

Seriously, though, this thing is a work of freaking brilliance. It should win all the awards. Every award, ever.

[Joker opens the book to a specially marked page.]

You guys ready for this? Because you’re not. There’s nothing in your life that would’ve ever prepared you for this shit.

[He clears his throat and starts off in a deep, dramatic voice,]

’Torolf entered her like she was a lottery.’ [There is a brief moment where he has to visibly compose himself, nearly overwhelmed by the sheer… amazingness of that single sentence.] ’His engorged pecker pushed inside her and she felt fulfilled with sexual fulfillment.’

Oh, yeah, by the way? This guy’s name is Torolf and I think he’s a time-traveling Viking, and no, I’m not shitting you right now.

[Background information imparted, he goes back to the text.]

’Hilda clutched at the bedsheets with lust and ecstasy and also her hands. Her spongy’… spongy love mountains? Yeah, that totally says ‘spongy love mountains’, okay, I’m just gonna go with it. Well, they hurled to and fro with every pounding, and is it just me or does that sound uncomfortable?

[Joker is merely answered by the sound of Kasumi’s unbridled laughter for a moment until she manages to compose herself. If only to offer:]

No, they’re fine. With how spongy she apparently is? All that hurling to and fro is probably nothing.

I’ll defer to your expert opinion. [He reaches down to grab his glass of wine-- filled way higher than wine glasses are supposed to be filled, but fuck you he does what he wants-- and takes a dainty sip.] So, where was I… right, okay, ‘Her body was like a beautiful flower that was opening and somebody was pushing their dick inside it.’

[And he nearly loses it again, but gamely manages to continue,]’Then Torolf moaned, arched his back, and suff--pphhfffftoh my god is this the real life-- suffered from dick Parkinson’s.

[And then he does completely and utterly lose it.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Sure. Can't wear it around here or else there'd be riots. Too much raw sex appeal in one place, you know how it is.

Now I'm sad I haven't had the chance to behold it.

As are many, Bull. But it's for the good of all of us.

[Or Joker's so full of shit that it's coming out his eyeballs, but hey, this is his story and he's sticking to it.]

Aw, come on. Just a little glimpse?

I dunno, I usually don't give private shows until a guy's at least bought me dinner. What kind of girl do you think I am?

Damn, and here I am, spoken for. Otherwise, I'd buy you dinner and drinks.

[... yeah he's actually serious about that.]

I guess you'll just have to keep wondering, then.

[Hey, Joker might've taken him up on the offer, if Bull wasn't already taken.]

Hey, maybe someday things will work out in our favor.

Hey, you've got my number if anything changes.

[beat]

Also, don't listen to Kasumi, she's got no clue what she's talking about.

Likewise.

[Hey, maybe they could just talk about space more, that'd be cool.]

Hey, hey, I'm not getting in the middle of anything here.

You're not getting in the middle of anything, I'm just telling you that she's literally talking out her ass right now. I've handled big guys before, so trust me-- you're fine.

[Okay, maybe they weren't quite as big as Bull is, but hey, Joker likes a challenge and he's got a healing factor.]

Oh yeah? How big?

[Yeah, he's listening.]

I don't kiss and tell.

So it was kissing!

Yeah, sure, there was kissing, it just wasn't always on the mouth.

[And now Kasumi knows more about Joker than she ever wanted to.]

[Bull just. Laughs. In a good way. Shaking his head and grinning.]

That's the best kind, sometimes, isn't it?

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[ okay she's been watching this exchange go on long enough from the sidelines ]

Oh, thank god. I was a little worried I'd have to step in for a second.

Hey!

That hurts.

Oh, and I feel like I should let you know. Joker is fragile--like, literally fragile. You'd probably break him.

You said that about Charlie too.

No, but I'm serious this time. Joker breaks a bone or two in his body like, every hour or so.

[ A GROSS EXAGERRATION. But okay look Kasumi's rode the Bull and, speaking from experience, she has no confidence that Joker would survive ]

How's that work?

He's got a condition. That's all I'm gonna say.

It's not...

Dick Parkinson's is it?

[ ... okay fine Bull that gets a laugh out of Kasumi. ]

You know what? Close enough.

rideme - 2015-10-05 00:13 (UTC) - Expand