maskormenace

[Being unused to using the video function, Maine's frowning when the recording starts, still trying to prop his phone up so he can free up his hands. After a moments pause, where you all get to stare at the usually rather intimidating freelancer fumble with a stack of papers, he holds one up, upon which he's written in frankly atrocious handwriting;]

Four cats here, need new homes
Might have to pass inspection with Wash
Being very particular about it

[After holding that up for a solid 30 seconds, he gets up before disappearing from frame entirely, leaving his phone where it's propped. There is nothing to see save the couch for a few seconds before Maine returns, all four cats in hand. Why didn't he gather the animals beforehand? Why does Maine do anything the way he does? They're all deposited on the couch, and when he sits back down, he grabs one of them along with another piece of paper. Both are held up to the viewer. On the paper, someone else (the handwriting is much better better) has written some helpful facts about the cat. After about a minute, both are set down and another pair of cat & paper is collected. Maine repeats the process for the last two. The cats, in order are;

- Black long-hair, "1 year, male. Sweet-tempered. Needs lots of attention. Would do best in a home with lots of people around."
- Short-haired tabby, "3 years, female. Nervous, shy disposition, but a great lap cat. Would need a patient owner."
- Ginger short-hair. "9 months, female. Bossy and demanding, but loving and playful. Would do better as an only pet."
- Tortoiseshell. "5 years, female. Likes ear scratches, laid back. Not very active, would want a more relaxed atmosphere."

After depositing the tortie on the floor, in true Maine fashion, he reaches over to end the feed with no further explanation for the methods used here, who Wash is, or why he has all these cats to give away in the first place.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[She can't take the kitties but you can see the desire in her eyes. Cats!!]

Good! You should be really particular about who takes them home.

Don't worry about that. I know enough cats end up in shelters as it is.

[WOW IT'S ALMOST LIKE HE OVERIDENTIFIES WITH THEM]

[Wash you precious goober.]

Right! But most people who take cats here who're imPorts are really good owners so don't get too worried. I bet it's because they've got superhero morals.

I'm really not that worried. Here I thought it was normal to meet whoever you're rehoming a cat to.

Just to make sure they aren't supervillains! Though a lot of supervillains are really good with cats, so I dunno.

[Dipper warned him, he's aware.]

Yeah
gotta screen to only get owl-free households

[Like one time they let that happen. One time!!]

Okay well there's only one you have to worry about there and it's not gonna be not-ours for long!

you sure you wanna say that in public where anyone could see?

[DON'T BLOW THE HEIST, MABEL!!]

...how about those kitties! Hey are you excited about Halloween? You should be!

[Her criminal instincts are still so questionable.]

[Hey, at least she caught on.]

I've been on tour as long as I can remember
haven't really done halloween before

In that case Halloween is even more important!! We gotta get you a costume and find a corn maze and a haunted house that's not actually haunted 'cause those are kind of a bummer.