VIDEO; a public service announcement

[glitterateur]

[Aw, look, it’s a cute little preteen! And she is definitely not in jail. Though she does look very serious (in her very serious sweater) as she addresses the camera.]

Hi! For anybody I don’t know, my name’s Mabel! Mabel Pines. And today I have good news and also bad news that has some good news? The totally good news is that I’m doing sweater commissions! So if anybody needs a last minute Hanukkah gift or something for Christmas or any other holiday, just let me know. All I need is a size and what design you want and you’ve got it! My rates are very reasonable.

Now the bad news! So... people might have seen that video on the network last week? The creepy one where the guy who looks like my brother was all like today I’m gonna walk on glass and freak everybody out? Well-- long story short but that’s actually not Dipper! That’s a demon. His name’s Bill and he’s pretty evil and also he can take over people’s bodies. [She looks off camera for a second before continuing.]

Which is all kinds of freaky, right? Don’t worry, we’ve got you covered! There're ways to tell if you're dealing with him or not.

[She holds up a pair of visual aids to the screen. Marvel at this 13 year old's artistic skills.]

And I’ve got these in helpful pamphlet form, too, for anybody who wants. See, I told you there was more good news! So, just to recap-- creepy wrong pupils is bad, triangles are extra bad, and please don’t just punch Dipper or anyone else you might suspect before you check for the warning signs.

--oh and if you’re gonna call us probably don’t call Stan first? It’s bad if his communicator thing goes off during one of his [Airquotes:] “business deals.” It scares the pugs.

[Mabel gives the camera a thumbs up!! Before turning it off.]

Comments

[ursawhiner]

Me and Mabel are fraternal though, and Stan and Ford are identical. Scientifically, that's not the same at all.

[slightlyoffchilt]

Perhaps we are flawed in our logic to hold the standards precisely the same. From my endeavors with the supernatural, it tends to be far more symbolic than not. Jungian, even.

[ursawhiner]

...What's a Jungian?

[slightlyoffchilt]

Referring to the analytical school of psychiatric thought as conducted by Carl Jung -- I'm a psychiatrist, you understand.

[Somewhat impatiently:]

Doctor Frederick Chilton, pleasure to meet you.

[ursawhiner]

Dipper Pines. Nice to meet you too?

I'm thirteen, by the way.

[slightlyoffchilt]

Only thirteen? [Cue the surprise.] Oh. You speak more maturely than your typical age group.

[Which probably means he assumed Mabel was behaving less mature than the average.]

[ursawhiner]

Thanks! I read a lot.

[It's nice to feel validated.]

[slightlyoffchilt]

Good to hear it. I read a lot, too, when I was your age.

[If ever there was a red flag to evaluate your life choices, Dipper!!]

And now I'm a doctor.

[Of psychiatry.]

[ursawhiner]

Cool! My great uncle Ford has 12 Ph.D's. [Just casually dropping that in there.]

I think his are more engineering and stuff than medical, though?

[slightlyoffchilt]

Twelve, you say? [Light skepticism here. All the more reason to meet Ford!]

Are you likewise interested in engineering?

[ursawhiner]

I'm more interested in supernatural stuff. Though I guess engineering wouldn't hurt.

[How else can he build demon fighting machines?]

[slightlyoffchilt]

Have you been speaking with any of the magically inclined here? Out of curiosity?

[A few were Chilton's patients, after all.]

[ursawhiner]

A couple, I guess. The only wizard we really know is Charlie.

[slightlyoffchilt]

Do you think such resources might assist you against your curiously geometrical demon? As a Plan B, perhaps.

[ursawhiner]

We're asking around. We don't want to put anyone in danger, though.

[slightlyoffchilt]

Luckily for you, imPorts adore throwing themselves into the fire. Martyr complexes have their uses.

[ursawhiner]

...Are you sure you're a psychiatrist?

[slightlyoffchilt]

Am I wrong?

[ursawhiner]

I dunno! You just sounded really supervillain-y.

[slightlyoffchilt]

I do not agree with that assessment.

[ursawhiner]

You just said that martyr complexes can be useful! Pretty villainous, dude!

[slightlyoffchilt]

It is a factual assertion based in psychological study. Science doesn't have morality.

[ursawhiner]

But people have morality! And that usually means they don't say stuff like that!

[slightlyoffchilt]

Have you never considered how an over appreciation of ethics may stunt progress?

[ursawhiner]

Really supervillain-y. Like, I can feel the monologue coming.