maskormenace | APRIL 20TH, 2016

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APRIL 20TH, 2016

THE MAJORITY REPORT: APRIL 20TH, 2016

THUMBS UP FOR COUNTDOWN
As seen in American entertainment news and social media, with a focus on music websites and publications:
ImPort singer and occasional diplomat Count Dooku recently announced a new direction for his government-assigned symphonic metal band. 'Sulfur Mustard' will now be known as Countdown, and has launched a new album by the same name, which has provoked controversy among commentators who perceive radical anti-government messages lurking in its lyrics.

The 'Countdown' album is advertised as a musical saga paying tribute to the historical imPort heroes who helped reform the United States 'police state' regime in the late 1980s. Yet according to many in the mainstream media, this is mere pretense for messages promoting illegal vigilantism, resistance to authority, and opposition to the Cold War.

"This so-called 'music' is an outrage against American values," according to a statement released by the influential media advocacy group Manifest for Moral Magnitude or Triple-M. "Our citizens- our children- should not be exposed to songs that undermine their patriotism and promote disorder against the government. Our nation is at war- our homes were invaded. The last thing we need now is self-righteous imPort celebrities like Count Dooku undermining the people who protect us by stirring up old issues and spreading distrust. We call for opposition to this un-American music and the companies that promote it, and for real citizens of this country to heap shame upon 'Countdown.'

When approached for comment on the controversy, Count Dooku stated that he prefers to let his group's art speak for itself, and that Countdown will continue to pursue its own style of music and politics- regardless of any outside pressures which may be brought to bear. Countdown will be performing live within the four Porter cities throughout the spring season. Initial ticket and album sales have been notably sluggish in reaction to media backlash against this subversive song-slinging.

AND EVEN SECOND BREAKFAST
As seen on the Rumblr account for Benny's Breakfast:
This is a potato.

It can be for breakfast sometimes.

IN THE NICK OF TIME
As viewed upon BlueTube, the original content entitled 'ORIGINAL RUNNING LATE MAN VIDEO!', with memetic output on Rumblr:
The Running-Late Man: Unmasked!

After the talented Nick made himself known in the Artist Alley of FanPort and communes with the locals, a niche yet growingly popular gag meme on ImPort devoted blogs take up the help of social media frenzy Running-Late Man -- the man whose powers are greatest when he's five minutes behind schedule!

The meme started a few weeks back when someone caught a (shaky) shot of Phoenix Wright jumping a high fence on a bicycle with a piece of toast clenched between his teeth, and then quickly spiraled out of control (as most internet running gags do). Since no one knows his name, he's simply been called Running-Late Man up until now, and with him showing up at FanPort, he's going to cause a surge of Running-Late Man fanwork on people's dashes.

Running-Late Man has already ignited a furious shipping following with an imPort nicknamed The Caped Cravat, believed to be Miles Edgeworth. Surely, surely there will be more ships to set sail! But maybe not in a timely manner.

BEETLE V GREEN LANTERN: DAWN OF HOT HUNKY FANFIC
As seen on BlueTube:
If you venture into BlueTube, you might find a collection of a shaky, distant videos of select portions of the fight.

Green 'If there's even a one percent chance that he is our enemy, we have to take it as an absolute certainty' Lantern fought Blue 'This bat lantern vigilante has been consistently targeting me' Beetle in an epic and costumed fisticuff session. Heroes! In tights! Beating each other up!

There you can see some damage on the streets along with Heropa 012 being almost entirely demolished and minor damage to 014. No casualties are noted -- Green Lantern successfully lead the fight to a more remote area. Given the general good will that Green Lantern and Blue Beetle (ALL OF THEM OKAY) inspire, this will probably set off a firestorm of conspiracies.

Neither of them can be found later to comment.

HE'S BEDEVILED YOUR HEARTS
As seen on BlueTube and thoroughly discussed on Bwitter:
Lucifer was reported to have crashed a handful of other imPorts panels, most notable emerging from backstage during Jeff Winger's panel LAWYER AT LARGE: IMPORTS' IMPACT, INVOLVEMENT, AND INFLUENCE ON TV & MEDIA and kissing formerly thought to be heterosexual Mr. Winger full on the mouth in front of his adoring fans. Later Lucifer appeared in the crowd during the final moments of LEAVE ME ALONE & DON'T TOUCH MY LUGGAGE and had, as reported by a totally unbiased fan, "a steaming moment" with the wizard Rincewind under the noses of adoring fans.

TAKE NOTE THAT both things, and Lucifer's heckling at other panels, are hitting social media, and while there are plenty of different angles of video on BlueTube covering Jeffifer's snog, what really happened between Rincewind and Lucifer has become a game of whispers on Bwitter, with people claiming to be there and suggesting a variety of different ridiculous things happened, #rincifer #godshonesttruth--Lucifer took him in his arms and flew away with him, Rincewind summoned an army of skeleton-corpses to protect him, and then flew away on a broomstick, etc. An upswing in fanfiction has resulted from both incidents, as well, with Rincifer tending toward the darker of the two.

HOT NEW FANG
As seen on news stands and in the online publication content:
The latest edition of the fashion magazine Chic includes an exclusive interview with imPort designer Kanaya Maryam, and in time for the release of her new clothing line. She talks about being a new mother, living among humans, and laughing off continued rumors of a vampire army, but the heart of the interview is still about fashion.

In talking about her design philosophy, she said, "I've never seen fashion as about following trends, or wearing what the industry decrees as popular. I encounter that opinion often, mostly from outsiders, and I understand where it comes from. But, for me ... it's a compromise between the vision of the designer and the client's. If you don't look and feel good when wearing something with my name on it, I haven't done my job."

As pieces have begun appearing in boutiques throughout the eastern seaboard, Maryam Designs has quickly become the talk of the fashion world, especially as imPort fervor hits the industry. Maryam has plans to expand her studio, hoping to bring her designs nationwide. Her studio can be contacted for further information.

THE KING OF CROON
As seen on BlueTube and spread over Rumblr:
An anonymous person recently uploaded a song by imPort heartthrob Manolo Sanchez entitled "I Love You Too Much" onto the internet. Thanks in part to the imPort fever surrounding this month's convention, the track quickly went viral, reaching over 5 million plays within a matter of days. Sanchez's passionate love ballad has clearly struck a chord with listeners across the nation, inspiring several people to upload videos of the guitarist's performances in various cafes throughout Heropa, Nonah and Maurtia Falls. It has also reignited interest surrounding his unexpected song for the Mexican government back in January. Rumor has it "I Love You Too Much" is part of a larger concept album, and a growing number of fans on Rumblr and other imPort-focused fan communities are hungry for more.

POTTY MOUTH OF WORD
As seen on Bwitter, and then inexplicably national news:
Regional real estate troll Ronald Chump has made headlines, somehow. As of 12:38AM on Thursday morning, he has been posting mean "beets" and memes on social networking site Bwitter -- and all about imPorts.

Some of the sampling:

12:38AM
Dooku? More like Dookey -- like his music!
12:45AM
What has Fartley Rathaway been tootin' about?
12:56AM
DiarrMaria's popularity in the toilet again.
1:05AM
What kind of pervert names their kid Dipper? Dipper, I hardly know her
1:10AM
Tony Stark Naked -- no one needs to see that!

And so forth. With hours worth of inane content, if you take a look you might see your own name.

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from ORANGE to BWITTER BLUE because of CORPORATE SPONSORSHIP, AMERICA!!

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I would be happy to pay for your drink, Rincewind. You need something to wash down the taste, I've no doubt.

[NOT. HELPING.]

Right, and just for that I think I'll need three.

...But I'm also living in Heropa now, so at least there's no need to mess with the Porter. I'll send the bar name shortly.

I think we might need to enroll you in Alcoholics Anonymous.

I'll be standing by.

I wouldn't drink so much if life didn't keep giving me so many things to drink over.

See you soon.

[There was no doubt that Chilton met at the suggested place on the dot. He ushered in a sharp appearance, armed with punctuality, and a grim expression on his face.

In his briefcase he brought with him an arsonist's heartthrob of fanfiction dedicated to Rincewind. Just in case.]

[Rincewnd has definitely noticed an uptick in recognition since FanPort. Less people assume he's some strange man with poor taste in Ren Faire costuming, for example, and tonight when he arrives a little early a man even buys him his first drink. Rincewind's not much for vodka martinis, but he's even less for turning down free alcohol, so such is what Chilton will find him nursing at the marble bartop. It's a nice place; the wizard stands out.

So does the Luggage, nestled innocently at his feet.]

Well... [he says by way of greeting, eyes flicking over briefly to his psychiatrist] ...you were right he didn't want to kill me.

Is the bar all right, or would you prefer a booth?

The bar is fine. I doubt anyone would be inclined to both us. [Said Chilton, with a fleeting glance flicked Luggage's way. He set down his briefcase at the empty bar stool on his unoccupied side, lest Luggage get the brilliant idea to eat it.]

So what did he want to do with you? How bad in the damage?

[Chilton had an idea, of course, given how eagerly Lucifer had wanted to recruit his own talents. The devil was something of a collector.]

Old Fashioned on the rocks, thanks.

[An order to the tender without so much as a smile.]

[probably a smart move on Chilton's part.]

I'm not sure yet, to be honest. [Rincewind shrugs, watching as the bartender goes about muddling the fruit for Chilton's drink.] For now I think just to make it clear I'm being managed. He called me, you know, when I was in Arizona. He's not one to mince words, you have to give that to him.

[and whatever else he asks for, probably.

He pauses as the highball glass is set in front of Chilton, waits until their lovely bartender is out of earshot again.]

...And I quote: "You fucked me, and now you're mine." So. Whatever that means. [he takes a sip.] I don't suppose you've a way to go back in time, in that briefcase of yours?

Oh. [Chilton arched an eyebrow, quickly adopting a skeptical look so as not to utterly freak Rincewind out with a jostled one.] No. I've only got glimpses into the future in here. [He said with a pat to his briefcase. To be quite clear, Lucifer's own words were taken far more literally in the context of those contents.]

Has he... Marked you?

[That had been part of the deal, in Chilton's own interaction with Lucifer. One of the many things that had given the doctor pause.]

Edited 2016-04-23 03:14 (UTC)

Those you can keep then, I'm sure. [he sniffs, then polishes off the rest of his martini with a shudder - he'd rather get to a better drink.] Invariably it'll involve screaming; my future always seems to.

[out of the mouths of wizards?]

No. [~~is this the truth? A lie?? Stay tuned, loyal viewers!~~] What would be the point, after all, when I can remove them?

[Rincewind musters a half-smile and wiggles his fingers at the good doctor.]

...That bit you were telling me before, about him not being able to teleport to you - you really aren't sure why that is?

Oh, yes, that's true. [He spoke nearly into his own drink, his eyes still on Rincewind.] There is a lot of screaming involved.

But it is interesting that he wouldn't mark you. [There was that skepticism.] Usually he likes exhibitions of obedience. The fact that you can remove them is all the more symbolic.

[But as Rincewind asked his question, Chilton lost the suspicion. He nodded, gravely, frowning.]

I'm not yet sure. I had -- spoken to him about it. Some time ago. Buying a little good will, you know.

[speaking of skeptical, Chilton's briefcase is getting another quick, flinty look. He might not be able to see the man's mouth, but they've spoken enough now that the wizard is developing a sense for which of his doctor's tones are hiding cheek.

But he's also happy to move the topic along - nothing about his dealings with Lucifer, conversationally or otherwise, inspires Rincewind to linger.]

Did it? Buy you good will, I mean. And that's really very odd. It's magic, you know, how he does it. Proper magic even, which means that really only other magics should be able to counter it. For you to be immune, I've got to wonder if it means you've got someone looking out for you. Someone who's cast a spell of their own about you, something to sort of - remove you from the magical map, as it were. Are you close with anyone who can do magic?

I know that Raina had arranged for Sabriel to ward our house -- whatever that means.

[Ward. Really. The cynicism curled on his tongue.]

Which might explain why he cannot follow Raina into our bedroom, but otherwise does not explain me.

That was smart of her. [absolutely serious.] If Miles had taken my advice and done the same for the hospital, I wouldn't be in this mess.

[Rincewind furrows his brow, giving Chilton a long and thorough look-over.]

...I can't see any magical residue, or a sigil of any sort. It's possible, I suppose, that someone cursed Lucifer to be unable to find you, but honestly that someone could be capable of that is the scarier thought.

You're looking at me?

[He said, somewhat loudly. That earned a few glances from nearby patrons already furrowed in their own drinks.]

I mean -- I suppose. [A beat.] Could it have been... Himself? Who did? [Another beat.] What I mean to say is that this Lucifer, this embodiment of Lucifer, he has been here before. And he doesn't remember.

And I was in... Significant conversation with Lucifer the First.

[Rincewind jumps, then tugs his hat down further, protesting:]

It's nothing invasive! I can always see magic, I can't turn it off.

[but that furthered explanation earns a dubious look from beneath his hat's broad brim.]

...How significant?

Significant enough to make a mistake that I did not repeat with this one. Perhaps there's an overlap that he cannot... Override, as it were.

[A beat, and another long drink.]

I cannot be sure. Of course. If it would be that, then my immunity is nothing more than a... Cosmic, bureaucratic fluke.

[Rincewind would really like to delve into the story there; he has not doubt there is one. But it would be remiss of him not to notice how little Chilton tends to linger on topics concerning himself. ...Perhaps once the man has had another drink or two?

Ah, thinking of which - the wizard orders a glass of red wine. No, no, actually, he'd like the bottle. Might as well keep her from having to run to and fro, hm? Dealer's choice, of course. A small, vindictive side to Rincewind hopes that means their bartender chooses a bottle which will earn her a higher tip on percentage alone, because Chilton is paying after all.

Mostly for those last few jokes he slid in on the network.]

It's odd, certainly. [settling back into the slow process of relaxing again.] If that's what did it, it's a shame it can't be replicated. The warding though - I may need to look into that. ...Possibly. I suppose it depends on whether that would only provoke him further. And I'd need Will's permission, of course.

You might ask Sabriel about why she thinks he can't use his magic on you, if you are curious. [or anyone who can actually do magic, unlike Rincewind.]

I might. Though I also do not want my immunity getting revealed. It is something that many would find valuable, and not everyone is as tacit as you are when it comes to secrets.

[It was as much a statement of opinion as it was a suggestion. Chilton eyed that bottle service deployed, frowning only slightly.]

What is he having you do? Your new master.

I suppose I can't fault you there; I've certainly never found you lacking for guard. [mentioned as offhanded observation, happily watching as his first wine glass is filled. Really, Chilton shouldn't be frowning at all - their bartender was kind enough to select only a fifty dollar bottle, when she could have gone all the way to a hundred and fifty. Quite the bargain.

Ah, but you'd think it a magic trick, how the wizard's good cheer vanishes at the question. He flinches, eyes sharp and cutting up across the space between them, fingers curled around the base of his glass.]

Don't call him that. [a flat, fair warning. It seems Chilton's stumbled on an ember of pride not yet snuffed, and it flares at the insult.] Come to that, I think we've exhausted this topic entirely.

You value your liberty. [Only pointing out the obvious, so it's out in the clearing between them. A line drawn in the sand.] All right.

But surely he considers himself as much, even if Lucifer is incorrect. [Chilton was willing to make one compromise for Rincewind's comfort, but not two in such a short sequence.] How will you convince him otherwise?

[he's mollified enough not to ignore Chilton outright, even if he hardly looks cheered by their continued course. Rincewind's mouth screws around a long drink of wine, the topic turning the sip bitter on his tongue.]

I don't need to. I'll wait him out. Wait out his interest, at least.

You don't need to be a psychiatrist to see why he's doing this. [a not-quite-subtle dig.] It's pride, mostly. He's been slighted after all, hasn't he? Stolen from. I'm not his real target there, I'm just someone he can push around in the meantime, bat around a bit like the beast of a cat he is. I've been that before for people; it won't last, not when I'm of no actual use. He'll get himself fluffed back up and focus on his real threats, and leave me happily ignored. The other part of it is just a show of force, thinking if he scares me enough I won't bother with any of his marks in the future.

[Rincewind shrugs around another sip and finds the second taste sweeter, crushed velvet and plum.]

He's right, of course. But that's no great loss to me either.

You underestimate his sense of possession. Lucifer is entitled. While you've insulted him, you've also reminded him that he isn't as omnipotent as he believes himself to be.

[A quick, ironic smile.]

Paradoxical, isn't it? How that simultaneously leaves him less dangerous and more dangerous. To you. [A beat.] You're right in that he'll want to push you around by means of egotistical balm, I am here to inform you that he will hardly stop there. It is more than merely making an example of you, Rincewind, by eradicating your free will he imposes his own. And what better way to conquer another entity than absorbing it?

Then who's to say you've ever bested him at all?

[well. None of that is particularly comforting to hear. Rincewind looks pointedly, sullenly away, shoulders hunching. He doesn't quite believe his doctor's theory (certainly doesn't want to), and casts out viciously for a retort.

If he can convince Chilton, after all, then perhaps he can convince himself.]

He's left you alone, hasn't he? Just you being immune to his magic is an insult in itself, never mind anything else that's gone on between you. [and he would still like a clearer picture of what that is.] Certainly it doesn't help that sense of omnipotence, hm?

But you're still all right. Still unmarked by him.

Not for lack of trying. I mentioned the Pestilence thing, haven't I? And he's sneaked up upon me in a bathroom -- albeit in a more mundane way, since we were both at the same Swearing-In. [The doctor inclined his head.] He is good at taking any little opportunity.

Lucifer does not like me, I have no delusions otherwise.

[But he did. Once.]

I'm probably not the best example to use, as my mere existence and freedom inherent seems to piss him off.

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