maskormenace | 003; Video

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003; Video

[ This is Baelish, coming to you from the Maurtia Falls Ambassador office. Not Baelish coming to you from his casino or Baelish coming to you from his strip club. That makes this professional, right? ]

Greetings, my fellow imPorts. For those of you who do not know me, I am Lord Petyr Baelish, Ambassador for Maurtia Falls. I wished to address you all to talk about a few things, but most importantly this Nonah election. It is of utmost importance that we vote and show support for our fellow candidates. The job of ambassador is an important one, and I believe all of these candidates have qualities that would work to benefit Nonah. It is in your hands to decide who best will fit your city. But I implore you to truly look into who has the policies and qualities you seek. I would be more than happy to illuminate some of those to any imPort who may not have been following the race too closely.

[ And that's all he says on the matter since his good pal Dorian Gray had always harped on him about talking too much in his network posts. ]

Second of all, for those of you who recall the attack in Philadelphia at the ambassadorial celebration -- did any of you happen to return with the remains of one of those monstrosities, whether it be for scientific study or perhaps as a souvenir? I have been curious about what information can be gleaned from them -- especially in relation to the ImProcreats, if anyone still happens to have their little creature from that Swear In for comparison.

[ A beat. ]

And lastly, I understand this day to be a day of gratitude -- a nationwide celebration for families and friends to get together and sit down for a meal. Unfortunately, on this holiday I find myself largely alone and I am certain there are others who are in a similar position. If anyone has need of company, I can provide a place and wine if you can provide a dish of food or two. It does not have to be traditional in terms of what is served, but the important thing is that we are not alone when we could be together.

That is all. In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I thank you all for your time and wish you a wonderful holiday.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From loneliness may stem the most luminescent of relationships.

[ Petyr had hoped to expand his network by preying on the lonely. In the end, it's only served to make him look a bit more pathetic. But. That can also be used to his advantage. There are some who will take pity in the future when he brings it up. And pity can be utilized to obtain favors. ]

How is it you will be celebrating, my friend?

[A beat. While he isn't inclined to be so revealing, Baelish had asked him directly.]

With my girlfriend. Once she returns from her charity work -- feeding the homeless. It will be an evening affair, and I will cook in the meanwhile.

You will cook?

[ Well. Petyr sounds impressed. ]

I did not know that was a talent of yours.

I, ah, had spent a lot of time living alone.

But still. A man of your status could surely have had a personal chef, couldn't you?

[ A doctor is like the lord of modern times, isn't it? ]

Monetarily speaking, yes. But I have not found a particular need... And, I must say, I have grown wary of others cooking for me.

[THANKS, HANNIBAL.]

Do you have particular tastes? Or is it more related to your dietary needs?

I prefer the sort of cooking my mother taught me -- but, sadly, the mostly vegetarian version.

Vegan is also... Suitable. Sometimes.

Is there much of a difference? Either way, you miss out on the best parts.

We all make small sacrifices for greater vices.

[In other words: Chilton abstains from meat so he can drink without permanently damaging that last kidney he possesses.]

An interesting way to phrase it, my friend. But you are, of course, an interesting man.

I am glad that you think so, regardless. [That was a compliment, right? Right? Chilton chose to assume as much.] Interesting in all the right ways, of course.

[There.]

If you have never had bacán, however, I must recommend it to you. Of course, I substitute the pork, but... It is basically the same. With seafood.

Of course.

[ Compliment unlocked. ]

I...would you care to illuminate to me how you can turn seafood into something similar to slivers of fried pig flesh? I've always found your modern bacon a bit too salty for my tastes, so perhaps your version may be better.

Some prefer to use crab when -- oh. Right, the actual dish, it isn't... It is a traditionally pork stuffed green banana meat pie. [A beat. Chilton was always uneasy when discussing his mother's side of things.] But I would use crab. Instead.

Not all tradition can be observed.

Ohh, I see, I see. Well from your description, it does sound quite good. But then again, I am from a world where meat pies tend to be served regularly. I've been surprised at how rare it is to find a good kidney pie.

[ Says Baelish -- blissfully unaware of Chilton's kidney and cannibal situation. ]

Ahhh... [Awkward pause.] I cannot claim to be in possession of a good kidney pie.

Nor would I expect you to be, given your dietary needs. It's an acquired taste. But in my world, I feel as though we are far less wasteful than this one when it comes to our meats. Nothing is mass produced in the way it is here, and come winter -- these things are very rare to come by.

[ A pause. ]

That is what I will return to when I go home. Winter. Perhaps the longest one to date given our summer had lasted for years. A long summer means an even longer winter. I believe in this small instance, ignorance about this world will be bliss.

Wait, a moment -- did you say your summer lasted for years? [And given Petyr's style of clothing and, frankly, his accent, Chilton had never assumed that the man came from a temperate climate.] My god, your planet's orbit around its sun must be remarkable.

How funny that we have never discussed this before.

[Any topic that wasn't a kidney topic would be welcomed.]

Given the predictability of Earth's seasons, it always seems difficult to explain. Especially since I do not quite understand the science involved. Julian Day was quite fascinated by the topic, however.

[ A beat. ]

I will be having dinner with him. By the way.

[ Telling Chilton in case he gets murdered. That way someone will know to call the police. ]

Ew, will you? Why?

[Recovery:] I mean -- how very interesting.

[ Chilton. ]

He offered.

[ UNLIKE SOMEONE. ]

Deeply noble of you to humor such a request, Ambassador. You care for your constituents, I am aware.

He has his uses. Especially when it comes to educating one unfamiliar with this world's holidays and ways of measuring time. You could say there is no other capable of giving such thorough lessons.

[ Julian has an obsession. But hey. Petyr will capitalize on it. With a nonchalance indicative of a verbal shrug, Baelish says: ]

Knowledge is power.

[That's fair enough reasoning; Chilton can't fault it, obviously. And the implicit distance that Baelish created between himself and Julian, socially, proved to be acceptable to Frederick Chilton.

It wasn't like Petyr thought the bald weirdo was desirable. Platonically.]

You are a Francis Bacon fan?

[Different kind of bacon. But Petyr's own chosen house motto appeared in Chilton's world, too, published in the Meditationes Sacrae and Human Philosophy.]

Francis Bacon? I'm afraid I do not know who that is.

[ But bacon does seem to be the running theme of this conversation. ]

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