maskormenace | ( video )

[ It's going to be the middle of the night when this video pops up on the network here. There's a redhead in bed, looking exhausted and ~~like she might have been crying~~ like she probably needs some serious sleep as she rubs a hand over her face, fingers brushing through her long red hair in some attempt to get it out of her face. The room's a little dark but it's not impossible to see her thanks to a night light being on nearby. ]

Hi...

[ So not awkward. ]

I know people leave-- get ported out, whatever you want to call, all the time.

[ There's a pause as she rests her chin in her palm and glances off to the side, thinking. ]

It kinda sucks, right? But I mean... if they go back to where they're from, then it's a good thing, right?

[ She looks back to the camera, lips pursed, trying to smile a little. ]

Are you ever happy or I guess... glad when someone goes back and isn't here anymore? I don't really mean someone you hate or whatever but... someone you're close to. It's good they go back, right?

[ She's sounding as though she needs reassurance on that and smiles a little again before she decides to shut this off. ]

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[ That's the "fun" part about being a telepath, isn't it? To always know and feel everything around you, even if you don't really mean to... even if you don't want to.

It's Wanda's question about having someone else here that can help her that causes Jean to glance away for a moment, a long pause drawn out as she seems to mull over that question. Does she have someone else here who can quiet her mind or reassure her that her powers aren't the one taking control of her and that she is in control? Somehow, the professor was always so good at reassuring her-- at believing in her. But now? Now it feels as though it's all up to her, that she needs to overcome this herself and while it's something she knows she inevitably needs to do... it's still a little frightening in the event that she can't do it after all. ]

I don't... know. [ She smiles a little, though it seems worried more than joyful. ] Erik has offered but... it's different when you're not a telepath, when you don't know what it's like to be scared of your own mind.

And if it's not yourself scared of it, it's other people scared of it. [She doesn't tell most people about her telepathy now; too many people seem afraid by it. It would be more honest to disclose it, sure, but most of the time, she doesn't intend or want to read the thoughts of others; sometimes it's almost a relief when people have some sort of telepathy-blocking shield on their minds, either by magic or other means. To those she can read, she never reveals what she picks up from others, either; it's not her place to. But she doesn't want to have everyone keep their distance from her over that power of hers. Maybe that's selfish.] Having access to so much can be isolating. Irony. [She knows she's not telling Jean anything that Jean doesn't already know. It's just her way of saying, yes, she wholly understands it.]

Despite his lack of telepathy, my dad is still probably able to help you in some aspects, though, so that's good. [Their difference in worlds is mostly unimportant; he's one of the closest people to family she has left here, him and Billy, and she thinks of and refers to both of them as such.] If you ever need another telepath, however, I may not be Charles but I'm here for you if I can be.

[ She appreciates it, in all honesty, the fact that Wanda understands- that she doesn't even need to really explain herself and her insecurities that are always nagging her in the back of her mind. To have someone that just gets it... it's comforting. You'd think she could find comfort in the other mutants back at the school, all of them considered freaks and outcasts by society and "normal people" or whatever. But to be considered a freak among even the freaks? Well... that sort of sucks. A lot.

Of course, when Wanda says my dad in regards to Erik that, well, it causes Jean to blink a few times, even cast her gaze off towards the side for a moment as though she's making sure she actually heard that right before she looks back to the video. ]

I... yeah. [ Maybe they'll address the whole "dad" thing later... ] Someone else would probably be a good idea. But I mean... I don't really want to make you feel like you need to or anything.

[ She pauses then, chews on her bottom lip, eyes looking back towards Wanda. ]

Do you struggle with it sometimes, too?

No, don't worry, it's because I want to. We can learn from each other, even.

[She did hear that part correctly, but yeah, they can.. shelve that for later.]

In a lot of ways. Most of the time I'm holding myself back and I still pick up on too much, I've hurt people I didn't mean to, and been ostracized by people out of fear that I might hurt them. All that's pretty familiar for you too?

[ Everything that Wanda says is almost a mirror of her own insecurities- her own experiences and it causes Jean to stare for a moment before there's just the faintest of tugs for a smile at her lips; it's to show she understands, not that she finds it amusing. ]

Yeah. You sure hit the nail on the head there. [ She glances down then. ] I get worried about actually letting go and hurting someone because...

[ She pauses here and chews on her lower lip, brows furrowed. She wonders if she should say anything, about what she felt when she blew apart Apocalypse with her mind and how pleased she felt for being able to do so... how she felt there was more where that came from. She's only just started talking to Wanda and to have her look at her differently or even feel concerned about her-- about what might be going on somewhere in her head... that's a sure way to not make a friend. ]

...it's not always easy to control. [ True enough. ] I did once, manage to control it when I let go but I'm still worried about doing it again. It's so much sometimes to feel.

[To be fair, Wanda lost her right to judge most people* for their actions somewhere between the time she was ten years old and started plotting Tony Stark's murder and the time sixteen years later when she was twenty six and teamed up with an artificial intelligence design that wanted to kill humanity. She did that in hopes of destroying the Avengers, co-lead by none other than Tony Stark. (Tony's basically co-leader, with Steve, let's be real.)

[*most people does not include Tony Stark. she will judge him forever.]

Not that Jean probably knows that yet - with telepathy, who knows - so no, she really wouldn't judge Jean for feeling that kind of a rush of power.]

Yeah, and then people tell you it's okay to let go anywhere, like in a setting that's not as controlled, and it's like, 'oh that's great, thanks, I have no positive experience with which to back this up'. [people don't get it, sigh.]

Maybe we should start by making our own little temporary practice area. [she's not afraid of whatever Jean might do.]

[ Jean smiles a little once more. Again, it's out of understanding and not that she finds the situation to be amusing. It's just... nice to have someone who seems to understand. It's why she was able to become close to Scott; neither of them had very much control of their powers. ]

And then when things don't go exactly as planned, you sort of get all those looks and you can feel how they're judging you or wondering why they even let you let go in the first place when they were more than willing to let you initially.

[ Yeah, it... sucks. A lot. It's no wonder they develop a sort of complex over their powers. ]

Probably for the best... well, at least for everyone else.

[ She's not too sure what Wanda is capable of but, if she's similar to herself then it's more than likely a lot more widespread than not. ]

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