009 Video

[thevictoriandetective]

Criminals. I need criminals.

[A pause as his brain is working too fast for his mouth to catch up.]

I need to know any ImPorts who have a criminal history, recent or otherwise. Anyone who's had a history of violence, and/or theft.

Comments

video

[h2no]

Ey, kid, don't listen to this guy. Ya got the right idea!

[he leans in conspiratorially.]

I've seen this guy at work. Between you an' me, I don't think he could deduce his way out of a wet paper bag.

Re: video

[hellosirs]

[ what a polite bearded gentleman! ]

Thank you, sir! I'm sure he's okay at his job though, despite being very, very rude.

Re: video

[h2no]

I'm pretty sure gettin' involved in murders and crime requires some degree of empathy for the families, ya know?

[he's a little confused at being called sir because that's the first time it hasn't been followed by 'please leave the premises'.]

Tell ya what, I'd totally hire you over him.

[hellosirs]

[ Sorry Archie, he's relentlessly polite! ]

I very much appreciate that, sir. People skills are a big part of the job, or at least, being polite is. I'd give you a business card if I had any with me!

[h2no]

Tell ya what, give me your name and if I ever have a mystery that needs solvin' I'll get ya on the case.

[muttered:] Pretty likely, seein' as I somehow ended up living with three goddamn teens...

[hellosirs]

Really?! [ KEEP IT COOL ANGUS, DIAL IT BACK A BIT ]

Angus McDonald, sir! And to be fair, teens are known for being very mysterious.

[ Angus has little to no experience with them except for one or two network conversations, teens might as well be cryptids to him. They are Mysterious Big Kids. ]

[h2no]

[he can't help but laugh at that.]

Ain't you a wise one, huh? Nice ta meet ya, Angus. My name's Archie. You let me know if this guy tries to butt in on any a' your cases as well, yeah?

[hellosirs]

I appreciate it, sir, but I'll be just fine! I can handle myself.

[h2no]

Oh, no doubt. I meant to give me a call so I can grab some popcorn and watch ya wipe the floor with him!

[hellosirs]

I'm not gonna beat him up! That would be very unprofessional!

[h2no]

Figuratively! Like, ya kick the shi-- uh, heck outta him by deducin' everythin' all over the place and better than him.

[hellosirs]

Figurative butt-kicking I'm okay with. And you can swear in front of me, sir, it's fine, I don't mind!

[h2no]

I'd rather be polite and set an example.

For the child.

That made this video.

[hellosirs]

[ Said with a solemn nod: ]

Sick burn, sir.

Tttttthhhhhreadjack

[thevictoriandetective]

What!?

[Them's fighting words.]

I don't think so. [A scoff.] You have no idea what you're talking about.

TIME TO THROW DOWN

[h2no]

How's that binge drinkin' goin', detective?

[sorry pal HE LOST A LOT OF RESPECT FOR YOU. unfortunately, archie is deeply affected with the malady known as "morals."]

*fight music*

[thevictoriandetective]

[Morals? Pah.]

That was a one-time thing.

Won't happen again.

[h2no]

Ya know what's funny? I don't believe you.

[thevictoriandetective]

I'm not a drunk!

[He was an addict, thank you very much.]

[h2no]

You're not helpin' your case right now, detective! Bwahaahah!

[thevictoriandetective]

Oh? And how am I not? I'm not drunk now, obviously.

[h2no]

Coulda fooled me. Ya considered not being a twat to a kid?

[thevictoriandetective]

He's the one being ridiculous. He's a child and he thinks he's a detective.

[h2no]

I could say the same fer you, ya know.