009 Video

[thevictoriandetective]

Criminals. I need criminals.

[A pause as his brain is working too fast for his mouth to catch up.]

I need to know any ImPorts who have a criminal history, recent or otherwise. Anyone who's had a history of violence, and/or theft.

Comments

[hellosirs]

Sir, couldn't you check the police records? I doubt many people are going to come forward with that sort of information, especially not in public.

[thevictoriandetective]

The police are idiots and keep horrible records. I prefer to ask my own questions. Plus people are gossipy by nature. The perpetrators may not answer, but their enemies may.

Do try to keep up. I know your age is a hindrance.

[hellosirs]

[ WOW, RUDE ]

It isn't, actually. You really think that people will call out their enemies in public?

[thevictoriandetective]

[He is so rude.]

Some may. Others may reveal information by accident. Others, by being skeptical and belligerent, also tell me what I need to know without them saying anything about it at all.

Must I explain everything slowly to you?

[hellosirs]

No. I just think that your methods need some work. You aren't exactly being subtle.

[thevictoriandetective]

[A sound of utter offendedness.]

My methods work, you little farce!

[hellosirs]

I'm as much of a detective as you are! I'd think a fellow professional would be open to constructive criticism.

[ Getting in some passive-aggressive digs, here! ]

[thevictoriandetective]

I...um...

[After what transpires between him and John Watson below, Sherlock is forced to make an apology.]

I've been informed that what I've been saying is Not Good and I--

[Thsi is painful.]

I apologize.

[hellosirs]

Oh! Uhm... thank you, sir, I appreciate that. It really wasn't necessary though, I don't care if you act like a big jerk.

[acclimatized]

Sherlock.

[thevictoriandetective]

...not good?

[acclimatized]

Not good. I know we usually act like a couple of prats, but he's actually a kid, so just... rein it in at little bit. Play nice.

video

[h2no]

Ey, kid, don't listen to this guy. Ya got the right idea!

[he leans in conspiratorially.]

I've seen this guy at work. Between you an' me, I don't think he could deduce his way out of a wet paper bag.

Re: video

[hellosirs]

[ what a polite bearded gentleman! ]

Thank you, sir! I'm sure he's okay at his job though, despite being very, very rude.

Re: video

[h2no]

I'm pretty sure gettin' involved in murders and crime requires some degree of empathy for the families, ya know?

[he's a little confused at being called sir because that's the first time it hasn't been followed by 'please leave the premises'.]

Tell ya what, I'd totally hire you over him.

[hellosirs]

[ Sorry Archie, he's relentlessly polite! ]

I very much appreciate that, sir. People skills are a big part of the job, or at least, being polite is. I'd give you a business card if I had any with me!

[h2no]

Tell ya what, give me your name and if I ever have a mystery that needs solvin' I'll get ya on the case.

[muttered:] Pretty likely, seein' as I somehow ended up living with three goddamn teens...

[hellosirs]

Really?! [ KEEP IT COOL ANGUS, DIAL IT BACK A BIT ]

Angus McDonald, sir! And to be fair, teens are known for being very mysterious.

[ Angus has little to no experience with them except for one or two network conversations, teens might as well be cryptids to him. They are Mysterious Big Kids. ]

[h2no]

[he can't help but laugh at that.]

Ain't you a wise one, huh? Nice ta meet ya, Angus. My name's Archie. You let me know if this guy tries to butt in on any a' your cases as well, yeah?

Tttttthhhhhreadjack

[thevictoriandetective]

What!?

[Them's fighting words.]

I don't think so. [A scoff.] You have no idea what you're talking about.

TIME TO THROW DOWN

[h2no]

How's that binge drinkin' goin', detective?

[sorry pal HE LOST A LOT OF RESPECT FOR YOU. unfortunately, archie is deeply affected with the malady known as "morals."]

*fight music*

[thevictoriandetective]

[Morals? Pah.]

That was a one-time thing.

Won't happen again.

[h2no]

Ya know what's funny? I don't believe you.

[thevictoriandetective]

I'm not a drunk!

[He was an addict, thank you very much.]

[h2no]

You're not helpin' your case right now, detective! Bwahaahah!