[video]

[glassinine]

[The thing about employing text is that when you start using it when all your broadcasts are in video, people tend to question why you've suddenly switched. So he makes the decision to instead compose himself as best as he can and use video instead.

Unfortunately, he always sort of overestimates his ability to compose himself. He certainly doesn't seem distraught, or panicked, or anything of the sort, but he's definitely shaky. This is definitely a far cry from his normal, slow, quiet, lengthy broadcasts.]

I'm leaving on a business trip abroad for...some length of time. I'm - not certain how long. Please don't try to contact me; I'll be far too busy to answer any messages.

Good day.

Comments

[mmiab]

[ so, of course, in necessarily contrary fashion: ]

As a deposit. I can explain to you exactly why it is that I won't be afraid. Not any more than I usually am.

[ don't think he didn't notice that reaction to his earlier flippancy regarding the topic. he did. he's also giving out little drops of honesty here, just small drops, because it matters. it matters that this end well. ]

On a level to you, if nothing else.

[glassinine]

[But Edgeworth draws himself up and actually looks directly at the Doctor. For once.]

I said no. For God's sake, what would ever make you think that I would want to have more of this piled upon me? After the day I've had? I want no part of your emotions.

[mmiab]

[ ah - immediate: ]

Sorry.

[ meeting that gaze as best he can through the communicator is actually harder than it might have been moments ago. he's miscalculated. the honesty was intended as insurance, reassurance - but without that, without that buffer... and he's once again apologetic, soft in his response. ]

That's what it will take. If you want to keep them safe, that's what it will take.

[glassinine]

[He looks away again. His mouth twists bitterly; he scoffs. He's tired, and spent, and scared, and miserable.]

I'm starting to think that what it will take is going out and drowning myself in the sea. That would be the cleanest solution.

[mmiab]

And temporary, from what I understand.

[ and if the Doctor's failure to leap at the mention of suicidal ideation has anything to say, it's only that Edgeworth's rock and hard place are such that he can understand it entirely. the hidden third option, ultimately the most useless of them all. ]

[glassinine]

So they say. That's not been proven yet.

[He says that quietly, unhappily. At the moment...It nearly does seem like a solution. But, God, with Wright here, and Trucy, and the others, he...couldn't. He couldn't do that to them. But he's just feeling more and more trapped, more and more frightened.]

[mmiab]

[ he lets it sit for a while. just a few drawn seconds to let that hang, process, sink in. contemplating the validity of suicide as a solution to the situation - and it's not a jest. there's no humour in the grim difficulty of the knots Edgeworth's tied himself into.

so, again, with feeling, after moments offered for the settling of thoughts: ] I can help you.

[glassinine]

[But still, no matter his desperation:]

No.

[mmiab]

[ a sigh, deep and resounding if held as best he can manage it under his breath. this shouldn't be so impossible. it shouldn't. ]

You're willing to consider dying, but not trying this?

[glassinine]

[And this is what it comes down to:]

I've already hurt enough people, sir. It stops here. I'm not hurting anyone else. Not even the willing.

[mmiab]

Don't mistake fear for righteousness. It won't fix anything.

[ he doesn't mean to be cruel. it's a plea more than anything, now, because he can understand why it is that Edgeworth is doing what he's doing. but it isn't good. not for anyone. and certainly not for him, the man himself, the man so full up with this that it will break him almost certainly, sometime sooner or later. if something isn't done. ]

However much it hurts now, that won't go away. Guilt doesn't go away. Fear doesn't, not unless you fight it. The people here need you. You need them. Let me help.

[glassinine]

[He doesn't look at him.]

I'm sorry. No.

[mmiab]

[ a suck of air in through grit teeth. he isn't going to win this, is he? he can't, the stubbornness, that impossible stubbornness he's so admired in those who possess it is set firmly against him now and there's no way, he knows that in the time he has there's no hope. not with the communicator as his only means of talking him, not when he can't offer any modicum of proof, of reassurance. ]

The second. The second you change your mind, even think about changing it, you contact me. Do you hear me? You contact me.

[glassinine]

[A surrender? Edgeworth doesn't find any satisfaction in the victory. The only thing keeping him going is sheer determination; when that's not needed anymore, when the fight is won, exhaustion claims him once again. He closes his eyes. His voice is tired.]

Understood.

[mmiab]

I'm not giving up on you. But if you need to go, if you need to get away, I can't stop you.

[ he knows that. he's no fool - and he's taking no pleasure in watching the beginnings of the decline. ]

I'll get there. Doesn't matter when, doesn't matter where. [ if you allow me, the second you allow me, I will prove to you there is hope. ]

[glassinine]

Duly noted.

[He says that quietly, sadly. Then he hangs up.]