001 ☕︎ video

[hardboyled]

[The video feed opens up to a morose looking dude in a pale blue shirt and a bland tie with it's knot loosened heavily. Looks like someone's returned from a disappointing time out.]

Ladies and gentleman, it is with a heavy heart that I bring you this terrible news: The 4.7 rated restaurant, Maison d'etre has been lying to us all. Like you, I was fooled by the high praise it was receiving on such popular food blogs as "Good Morning Viet-nom!", "Let's Taco 'Bout Food" and "Making Ends Meat" who all labelled it a culinary adventure of locally sourced food.

However! [His voice breaks halfway through the word, wavering between anger and the desperate need to cry in disappointment.] I have since eaten there and can say with complete certainty that the only culinary adventure to be found in that excuse for a restaurant is the amount of imported ingredients they have on their menu! Even their corn is imported from Ukraine. Who can't find locally sourced corn in America?! I tell you, ladies and gentleman, I am just one big D right now. Disappointed!

[A sigh that's as weighty as the world itself, and... was that a small, barely restrained sob as he quickly bows his head? At least he's quick to compose himself, straightening himself up in his chair and puffing out his chest after a deep inhale.] But it's not all bad news. I, Charles Boyle, will be sure to continue conveying these injustices to the world!

And a few weeks from now, I'll also be sharing my knowledge of food to any folks willing to learn. Watch this space for Boiled Over, an imPort cooking show in front of a small live audience, set to delight and astound. [And just like that, his previous disappointment steadily creeps towards eagerness, because cooking is awesoooome.]

I'm sorry, I'm just so excited for this opportunity! Wow, what a rollercoaster of emotions this place is!

Comments

[notsheepish]

I guess that's true.

Still, it could be fun, you know? Like you say it's an imPort cooking show, so every few episodes maybe you could... have a special that's actually set in a restaurant owned by an imPort or something? There are a good number of those now, I'm pretty sure.

[hardboyled]

Y'know, that's not a bad idea! Do you know any restaurants owned by imPorts? It seems irresponsible to pass on a business to a person who could vanish tomorrow, but hey! What do I know?! They gave me my own TV show.

[notsheepish]

Yeah, it's been an issue before, but I think by this point most people who own a business or anything here now have a plan for that chance.

Anyway, I know of at least three off the top of my head, but I'm sure there's more if you look into it a little. There's Merlotte's in De Chima, Nonah has Granny's and a nice bakery called Novi, and... I think there's a cafe in Heropa called the Lucky Cat, if I remember right?

[hardboyled]

Wow, that's a lot more than I would have thought for. I think you might be onto something here, Ms. Smarty Pants.

[notsheepish]

[She laughs.]

It's Ruby actually, but thanks.

[hardboyled]

A sparkling name for a sparkling lady.

[not here]

[pop_of_color]

(I think somebody's jealous)

[notsheepish]

You're sweet.

totally threatened by the little guy

[hardboyled]

I try. [He says with a casual shrug, but no seriously, he really, really tries. It's hard being so sweet all the time.]

Hey, do you know any of these imPort restaurant owners? Think you could put in a good word for me?

[notsheepish]

Yeah, I know at least two of them, and I'd guess they probably won't mind the free advertising.

[hardboyled]

That's the hope. I'd cook them something really special too. Maybe I could theme it around their restaurant...

[notsheepish]

Sure, sure. As far as I'm aware, Merlotte's is sort of a Deep South comfort food place, Granny's is more your classic American diner, and Novi has an... Eastern-European pastry thing going on?

[hardboyled]

Then it looks like we got a damn fine show idea on our hands! I think I gotta pitch it to my... TV guys? I dunno how TV works, honestly.

[notsheepish]

I'm looking forward to it, so good luck figuring TV out.

[hardboyled]

That's never gonna happen. You'll come, right? To one of my shows?

[notsheepish]

I think I could make that happen.

[hardboyled]

That'd be so great. I feel like it'd be an empty husk of a show without you present.