maskormenace | 001 ☕︎ video

[The video feed opens up to a morose looking dude in a pale blue shirt and a bland tie with it's knot loosened heavily. Looks like someone's returned from a disappointing time out.]

Ladies and gentleman, it is with a heavy heart that I bring you this terrible news: The 4.7 rated restaurant, Maison d'etre has been lying to us all. Like you, I was fooled by the high praise it was receiving on such popular food blogs as "Good Morning Viet-nom!", "Let's Taco 'Bout Food" and "Making Ends Meat" who all labelled it a culinary adventure of locally sourced food.

However! [His voice breaks halfway through the word, wavering between anger and the desperate need to cry in disappointment.] I have since eaten there and can say with complete certainty that the only culinary adventure to be found in that excuse for a restaurant is the amount of imported ingredients they have on their menu! Even their corn is imported from Ukraine. Who can't find locally sourced corn in America?! I tell you, ladies and gentleman, I am just one big D right now. Disappointed!

[A sigh that's as weighty as the world itself, and... was that a small, barely restrained sob as he quickly bows his head? At least he's quick to compose himself, straightening himself up in his chair and puffing out his chest after a deep inhale.] But it's not all bad news. I, Charles Boyle, will be sure to continue conveying these injustices to the world!

And a few weeks from now, I'll also be sharing my knowledge of food to any folks willing to learn. Watch this space for Boiled Over, an imPort cooking show in front of a small live audience, set to delight and astound. [And just like that, his previous disappointment steadily creeps towards eagerness, because cooking is awesoooome.]

I'm sorry, I'm just so excited for this opportunity! Wow, what a rollercoaster of emotions this place is!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Ooh, what's your special Jitters coffee?!

It's this locally-roasted blend of coffee from back home! I used to be a barista at this place called Jitters, hence the name.

You'll probably be a better judge of its quality, but I'm obviously biased.

I'd love to try it! I'm sure it's great!

Thanks! [ She laughs, ] Oh, um. I'm Iris - I'm not sure if I'd gotten to that part yet.

Iris. Beautiful name. And your man is...?

Oh, that would be Barry. [ She leans back, reaching for Barry's hand off-screen. ] We're - [ best friends? boyfriend and girlfriend? Even she doesn't know anymore. ] well, we've yet to really put a label on it.