001 ☕︎ video

[hardboyled]

[The video feed opens up to a morose looking dude in a pale blue shirt and a bland tie with it's knot loosened heavily. Looks like someone's returned from a disappointing time out.]

Ladies and gentleman, it is with a heavy heart that I bring you this terrible news: The 4.7 rated restaurant, Maison d'etre has been lying to us all. Like you, I was fooled by the high praise it was receiving on such popular food blogs as "Good Morning Viet-nom!", "Let's Taco 'Bout Food" and "Making Ends Meat" who all labelled it a culinary adventure of locally sourced food.

However! [His voice breaks halfway through the word, wavering between anger and the desperate need to cry in disappointment.] I have since eaten there and can say with complete certainty that the only culinary adventure to be found in that excuse for a restaurant is the amount of imported ingredients they have on their menu! Even their corn is imported from Ukraine. Who can't find locally sourced corn in America?! I tell you, ladies and gentleman, I am just one big D right now. Disappointed!

[A sigh that's as weighty as the world itself, and... was that a small, barely restrained sob as he quickly bows his head? At least he's quick to compose himself, straightening himself up in his chair and puffing out his chest after a deep inhale.] But it's not all bad news. I, Charles Boyle, will be sure to continue conveying these injustices to the world!

And a few weeks from now, I'll also be sharing my knowledge of food to any folks willing to learn. Watch this space for Boiled Over, an imPort cooking show in front of a small live audience, set to delight and astound. [And just like that, his previous disappointment steadily creeps towards eagerness, because cooking is awesoooome.]

I'm sorry, I'm just so excited for this opportunity! Wow, what a rollercoaster of emotions this place is!

Comments

[hardboyled]

Like you. You're an exception?

[viced]

Un...fortunately.

I think I've been an import longer than almost everyone else.

[hardboyled]

Makes sense that you'd be the one to be the senator. Most experience to know what needs to be done. I bet you do fantastic work for us, sir. You'd have my vote! Y'know, if you ever needed it.

[viced]

Well -- I try.

Now this might be shooting myself in the foot, but I would recommend reading over my platform -- in case you get the chance to vote for me in six years.

[hardboyled]

You bet-- Six years?! I'm not sure I can cope here for six years!

[viced]

Shit, try eight.

[hardboyled]

That's so long. But, sir, if you want me to read over your platform and vote for you, I will absolutely do so! I mean, so long as your platform isn't supervillain levels of evil.

[viced]

Christ I hope not.

I'll forward you something so you can see it for yourself, and make your own judgement, however.

I hope you agree.

[hardboyled]

Hey, I'm a man of simple tastes, if you're respectful and trustworthy in that platform, then I'm sure it's something I can support. And if it's not, then I'll probably still tell you it's great anyway!

[viced]

[ Very discerning, Boyle. ]

Well, I like to think I'm a trustworthy sort, but... I think it's better if you make the call on that one. I'd trust an evaluation from New York's finest better than my biased judgement anyway.

[hardboyled]

You'd really trust the opinion of a lowly cop? That puts you above pretty much every other politician out there, that's for darn sure. They're not usually interested in us unless we're cutting crime, or they're cutting our budgets.

[viced]

Hell, I rely on you all to keep the city safe. Trust goes both ways, you know? I can't expect people to trust me, a politician, if I don't start with some, you know?

[hardboyled]

Ah, you're one of the good guys! Must be pretty bad ass being a politician in a world full of super heroes, huh? All that world saving and stuff?!

[viced]

It's definitely...different.

Where I come from, I was the only superhero, so it was pretty... sedate when I hung up my jetpack. Although I can tell you this: things are just as chaotic, it just changes the scope of the conversation, you know? You still get people calling me to make public inquiries to the local government offices, and all that bullshit, just the same as I did back home.

[hardboyled]

Wait, you had super powers back home too?! A mayor with super powers. Now that's a cool world.

[viced]

Yeah, it was alright. Mostly normal, though. A lot less exciting than this place.

[hardboyled]

How'd you get to be all super powered? Was it more of a Superman or Spider-man kind of thing?

[viced]

More like...ah, Daredevil, if anything.

[ Accident. ugh. ]

It's not important, though. That's not really a part of my life.

[hardboyled]

Ooh, sure sure sure, so a radioactive kind of thing?

[It's very important, Mitch. It is the most important.]

[viced]

Er --

Sure. Exactly like that. A radioactive...thing.

[hardboyled]

Did it make you blind? Deaf? Are you lipreading right now?! [Gasp!]

[viced]

No? I mean, I had to get some surgery, but...that's about it.

[hardboyled]

Did the radioactivity burn you?

[viced]

What? No! It wasn't...radioactive. It's just...the closest analogy.

I just had some scarring that made my face a little...unpleasant for politics.

[hardboyled]

I'm sure it still looked perfectly pleasant. Damn the masses for equating physical irregularities with ineptitude. You know, I blame the movies.