001 ☕︎ video

[hardboyled]

[The video feed opens up to a morose looking dude in a pale blue shirt and a bland tie with it's knot loosened heavily. Looks like someone's returned from a disappointing time out.]

Ladies and gentleman, it is with a heavy heart that I bring you this terrible news: The 4.7 rated restaurant, Maison d'etre has been lying to us all. Like you, I was fooled by the high praise it was receiving on such popular food blogs as "Good Morning Viet-nom!", "Let's Taco 'Bout Food" and "Making Ends Meat" who all labelled it a culinary adventure of locally sourced food.

However! [His voice breaks halfway through the word, wavering between anger and the desperate need to cry in disappointment.] I have since eaten there and can say with complete certainty that the only culinary adventure to be found in that excuse for a restaurant is the amount of imported ingredients they have on their menu! Even their corn is imported from Ukraine. Who can't find locally sourced corn in America?! I tell you, ladies and gentleman, I am just one big D right now. Disappointed!

[A sigh that's as weighty as the world itself, and... was that a small, barely restrained sob as he quickly bows his head? At least he's quick to compose himself, straightening himself up in his chair and puffing out his chest after a deep inhale.] But it's not all bad news. I, Charles Boyle, will be sure to continue conveying these injustices to the world!

And a few weeks from now, I'll also be sharing my knowledge of food to any folks willing to learn. Watch this space for Boiled Over, an imPort cooking show in front of a small live audience, set to delight and astound. [And just like that, his previous disappointment steadily creeps towards eagerness, because cooking is awesoooome.]

I'm sorry, I'm just so excited for this opportunity! Wow, what a rollercoaster of emotions this place is!

Comments

[oddbod]

The big drugs busts are my favorite. It's the closest I can get here to a real adventure.

["Real adventure" here meaning, one in space.]

[hardboyled]

Isn't here already an adventure? New world, super powers, interesting people...?

[oddbod]

Oh, certainly. Anything's an adventure if you have the right attitude. But it's easy to forget that, when you get caught up in the day-to-day.

[She's smiling, prim and perky, but finally lets out a slow sigh.]

It's a bit more... exciting, back where I'm from.

[hardboyled]

Your home must be something really special if it's more exciting than this place!

[oddbod]

[A small, humbled shrug.]

I lived in a spaceship.

[Something she wouldn't have admitted, at one point. But now that she's dead on Earth, it's her only address.]

[hardboyled]

A spaceship?! Like, a for real spaceship?! That. is. awesome!

[There is far too much cool stuff in this world and other worlds.]

[oddbod]

Yep, real as can be. [Oh, no, his face.] 'Course I'm from Earth, just like you. Blackpool, in Lancashire. The spaceship's a more recent development.

[hardboyled]

[He's just really excited for Clara, don't judge.]

Did you build it? Were you abducted?!

[oddbod]

[She's not judging, it's endearing. Her own wife didn't believe her at first, so excitement is certainly a desirable reaction.]

No, and... no? I was asked to come along, and I politely declined.

At first.

[hardboyled]

[Boyle believes many, many things. He's not naive, so much as just really trusting.]

Aaaaaand then you were abducted?

[oddbod]

Aaaand then I agreed to come with him, consensually.

[Judgmental of aliens, much??]

[hardboyled]

[His police training only covers other humans, he's still learning what is and isn't alien-ist and specieist and everything else. He'll catch on soon enough.]

Ooh, I like that version even better! Was it aliens?!

[oddbod]

Alien, singular. He used to be here, actually.

[hardboyled]

Why you? [Beat.] I'm not saying saying you're not an amazing person with a very fine set of credentials and an outstanding personality, but... was there reasoning?

[oddbod]

Because I am an amazing person with a very fine set of credentials.

[hardboyled]

Oh! Can't argue with that logic! [It doesn't entirely answer his question or sate his curiosity on how to be picked to have adventures with an alien, but he's not going to push it. He'll just harass her with never ending questions instead.]

Did you get to see lots of cool planets?

[oddbod]

Oh, the coolest. There's one where the people eat diamonds, and one where dogs don't have noses, and one where no one does anything except celebrate the New Year, all the way up until the next one. Still need to go back and get my sunglasses from that one.

[hardboyled]

That's so weird! This place must feel like a real snooze-fest in comparison to cool worlds like that.