001 ☕︎ video

[hardboyled]

[The video feed opens up to a morose looking dude in a pale blue shirt and a bland tie with it's knot loosened heavily. Looks like someone's returned from a disappointing time out.]

Ladies and gentleman, it is with a heavy heart that I bring you this terrible news: The 4.7 rated restaurant, Maison d'etre has been lying to us all. Like you, I was fooled by the high praise it was receiving on such popular food blogs as "Good Morning Viet-nom!", "Let's Taco 'Bout Food" and "Making Ends Meat" who all labelled it a culinary adventure of locally sourced food.

However! [His voice breaks halfway through the word, wavering between anger and the desperate need to cry in disappointment.] I have since eaten there and can say with complete certainty that the only culinary adventure to be found in that excuse for a restaurant is the amount of imported ingredients they have on their menu! Even their corn is imported from Ukraine. Who can't find locally sourced corn in America?! I tell you, ladies and gentleman, I am just one big D right now. Disappointed!

[A sigh that's as weighty as the world itself, and... was that a small, barely restrained sob as he quickly bows his head? At least he's quick to compose himself, straightening himself up in his chair and puffing out his chest after a deep inhale.] But it's not all bad news. I, Charles Boyle, will be sure to continue conveying these injustices to the world!

And a few weeks from now, I'll also be sharing my knowledge of food to any folks willing to learn. Watch this space for Boiled Over, an imPort cooking show in front of a small live audience, set to delight and astound. [And just like that, his previous disappointment steadily creeps towards eagerness, because cooking is awesoooome.]

I'm sorry, I'm just so excited for this opportunity! Wow, what a rollercoaster of emotions this place is!

Comments

[lightinside]

[Okay. That made her laugh a little.]

Thanks for not judging me. I'm Laurel by the way.

[hardboyled]

Charles! Although... I guess I already introduced myself. Nice sort of meeting you, Laurel.

[lightinside]

Nice sort of meeting you too, Charles. Maybe we'll actually meet in person sometime.

[hardboyled]

Oh, I'm sure our paths will cross. Especially when you come to see my show.

[Not if, but when.]

[lightinside]

I'll be there! [She can't say no now.] Do you know when the first taping is gonna be?

[hardboyled]

Uhm, hopefully in a couple of weeks! Maybe a weekday evening, but we just can't be sure what the network is going to allow. Apparently import shows always pull in good ratings though!

[lightinside]

Well, that's promising. Just give me a heads up when you know the date and I'll make arrangements. In the meantime I can spread the word among my friends, see if anyone else would be interested.

[hardboyled]

You'd do that? I'd super appreciate it.

[lightinside]

Of course! Us imPorts gotta stick together, right?

[hardboyled]

Yeah! I'm sure we're all great people!

[lightinside]

[Most of them anyway.]

All the ones I've met so far have been.

[hardboyled]

Well, we are meant to be heroes!

[lightinside]

That's what it said on the welcome pack.

[hardboyled]

And not all heroes wear capes. Although capes are pretty cool.

[lightinside]

But also kind of impractical. They could get caught in things.

[hardboyled]

God, fair point. I mean, did you see The Incredibles? "No capes!" [Tbf, his Edna Mode impression is on point.]

[lightinside]

I'd be a terrible Disney fan if I didn't. [Even if she's more into the classics.] Not a bad impression by the way.

[hardboyled]

Thank you! [At least someone appreciates his weird voices.]

You like Disney?! That's a stupid question, who doesn't like Disney?

[lightinside]

People who are obviously missing out.

[Shes's been a fan since she was a kid.]

Though I don't know if there are any copies of the movies here.

[hardboyled]

Ugh, seriously? Figures. I noticed there was a lot of weird rip-off sounding movies and music around here. Alternate universes are weird.

[lightinside]

Yeah, they are pretty weird. Guess that comes with the territory.

Anyway, I should probably let you get back to planning your first cooking show. I will see you then, if not before.

[hardboyled]

Totally will! I can't wait.