001 ☕︎ video

[hardboyled]

[The video feed opens up to a morose looking dude in a pale blue shirt and a bland tie with it's knot loosened heavily. Looks like someone's returned from a disappointing time out.]

Ladies and gentleman, it is with a heavy heart that I bring you this terrible news: The 4.7 rated restaurant, Maison d'etre has been lying to us all. Like you, I was fooled by the high praise it was receiving on such popular food blogs as "Good Morning Viet-nom!", "Let's Taco 'Bout Food" and "Making Ends Meat" who all labelled it a culinary adventure of locally sourced food.

However! [His voice breaks halfway through the word, wavering between anger and the desperate need to cry in disappointment.] I have since eaten there and can say with complete certainty that the only culinary adventure to be found in that excuse for a restaurant is the amount of imported ingredients they have on their menu! Even their corn is imported from Ukraine. Who can't find locally sourced corn in America?! I tell you, ladies and gentleman, I am just one big D right now. Disappointed!

[A sigh that's as weighty as the world itself, and... was that a small, barely restrained sob as he quickly bows his head? At least he's quick to compose himself, straightening himself up in his chair and puffing out his chest after a deep inhale.] But it's not all bad news. I, Charles Boyle, will be sure to continue conveying these injustices to the world!

And a few weeks from now, I'll also be sharing my knowledge of food to any folks willing to learn. Watch this space for Boiled Over, an imPort cooking show in front of a small live audience, set to delight and astound. [And just like that, his previous disappointment steadily creeps towards eagerness, because cooking is awesoooome.]

I'm sorry, I'm just so excited for this opportunity! Wow, what a rollercoaster of emotions this place is!

Comments

[h2no]

Hey, I agree with you!

[he holds his hands up defensively.]

But sayin' you had sex with your sister without anyone knowin' she's not blood-related might come off, uhh... y'know. I'm sure they'll understand when you tell them it was before your parents got married, but you don't want people to misunderstand your bond, right?

[hardboyled]

Well, I told you it was before our parents married. In fact, funny story, our smooshing of booties was the entire reason our parents got together! With out us just sexing it up, my papa would never have even dated her mom!

[h2no]

[archie rubs his chin with a little snort at charles's story. okay, think this out properly. it's not like he's going to tell people this, and likely charles will be the one doing it. he'll be there himself to correct them, right? what's he even bothered about?]

Ah... okay, you're right. I think I misunderstood.

[Fuck It.]

[hardboyled]

[Archie is wise not to keep pushing it, it's likely saved him a whole lot more discussion on weird family sex stuff.]

Hey, no worries! You're not the only one who gets confused by this stuff. Families, huh? Crazy. Cah-raaaazzzy-- Oh god I miss them all so much.

[h2no]

[he reaches over and gives charles's tiny little shoulder a squeeze.]

If it helps a lot of us are in the same situation. I'm pretty sure there's imPort support groups where you can go and talk about stuff like that with a therapist.


...Er. Just avoid Dr Crane. He's an asshole.

[hardboyled]

[Sad, small smile. At least he has nice, understanding folk like Archie around him.]

I don't know him anyway. Oh! I do know one import psychiatrist though! Maybe I could get some sessions with them if the going gets tough. Maybe I just need more time to settle in. I should be fine in a month or two. Or a few years. I dunno.

[h2no]

You might not be here forever. Sometimes people go home.

[he shrugs.]

Gotta live in hope, right?

[hardboyled]

Yeah. Except! I'm making friends here now. I don't wanna go back home forever either, because then I'd miss people here.

[Life is so hard when you love all the people.]

[h2no]

Catch 22, right? Did you know a lot of people back home?

[hardboyled]

The people I knew were close friends, I'm not so sure it was a lot of people but...

[Quality over quantity, right?]

[h2no]

Pssh, as long as you liked 'em. Who've you met here so far?

[hardboyled]

Uhm, basically everyone who replied to my post, and my roomies. And... that's literally it so far. I figure I'll get to know more people as I settle in. I bet you're friends with a whoooole bunch of folks.

[h2no]

Same, basically people who've replied to my inane posts... ones I've responded to...

[he offers the SMALLEST OF SMILES.]

I'm sure you'll make a ton of friends.

[hardboyled]

Yeah, probably. [Downing the rest of his beer thoughtfully. At least he's not too upset about missing his family any more, but with the mood swings this place has been giving him, who knows how long that'll last.]

This place sure seems to have a lot of nice people. I'm used to see a whole lot more abuse online.

[Hardly anyone has mocked him yet and that's just weird.]

[h2no]

[he looks kind of upset at that??]

Wh-- what do you mean?

[hardboyled]

Oh, y'know how the internet is. Anonymity can bring out the worst in people.

[It's okay though, Charles doesn't seem too upset by it, he's pretty used to being kicked to the ground and he's learnt to always get back up. Plus all the shit he sees during cases he works. Honestly, online bullies aren't even worth his time, yo.]

That's why I'm liking this network thing we have. It's more like a personal conversation than people screaming into a void...

[h2no]

It is, yeah. I guess imPorts need the community or we're all kinda lost in a weird world.

[archie is kind of alarmed, but doesn't press.]

So you've probably already got an audience for your show.

[hardboyled]

[Honestly, without the knowledge of masses of other imports in the same situation as him, Charles likely would have spent more than a few days crying. The network of their kind is super supportive.]

I have a couple of people interested in tickets to be the live audience! So at it's worst, my viewing numbers are gonna be like... three people. That's more than I could have ever hoped for!

[No, really. He's overjoyed at the concept of three people coming to see him.]

[h2no]

[he puts a hand on his chest, pretending to be offended.]

No offer for me?!

[hardboyled]

You can absolutely come! Front and centre! You can even be the first to taste if you want.