001 ☕︎ video

[hardboyled]

[The video feed opens up to a morose looking dude in a pale blue shirt and a bland tie with it's knot loosened heavily. Looks like someone's returned from a disappointing time out.]

Ladies and gentleman, it is with a heavy heart that I bring you this terrible news: The 4.7 rated restaurant, Maison d'etre has been lying to us all. Like you, I was fooled by the high praise it was receiving on such popular food blogs as "Good Morning Viet-nom!", "Let's Taco 'Bout Food" and "Making Ends Meat" who all labelled it a culinary adventure of locally sourced food.

However! [His voice breaks halfway through the word, wavering between anger and the desperate need to cry in disappointment.] I have since eaten there and can say with complete certainty that the only culinary adventure to be found in that excuse for a restaurant is the amount of imported ingredients they have on their menu! Even their corn is imported from Ukraine. Who can't find locally sourced corn in America?! I tell you, ladies and gentleman, I am just one big D right now. Disappointed!

[A sigh that's as weighty as the world itself, and... was that a small, barely restrained sob as he quickly bows his head? At least he's quick to compose himself, straightening himself up in his chair and puffing out his chest after a deep inhale.] But it's not all bad news. I, Charles Boyle, will be sure to continue conveying these injustices to the world!

And a few weeks from now, I'll also be sharing my knowledge of food to any folks willing to learn. Watch this space for Boiled Over, an imPort cooking show in front of a small live audience, set to delight and astound. [And just like that, his previous disappointment steadily creeps towards eagerness, because cooking is awesoooome.]

I'm sorry, I'm just so excited for this opportunity! Wow, what a rollercoaster of emotions this place is!

Comments

[hardboyled]

A travelling suitcase?! Like, a living luggage? I need one. Where can I get one?

[wizzardly]

Another universe, on a flatter world.

But trust me, you really shouldn't consider it a loss. Besides, you're a - detective, you said, right? And a food... person, now. What use would they have for living, ill-tempered baggage?

[hardboyled]

What use wouldn't they have for it?! I could have costume changes in it, extra cooking utensils, ingredients, cop stuff!

[wizzardly]

[Rincewind squints.]

...You're honestly excited about this, aren't you?

[hardboyled]

Obviously. I'm talking to an actual wizard with a living suitcase! Sorry, you probably get it all the time.

[wizzardly]

Not really, no.

I think the shine's worn off for most.

[hardboyled]

Oh. Well, you should get it more!

What's your boxes name?

[wizzardly]

It's... the Luggage.

[so inspired.]

[hardboyled]

I love it! Does he like people food?!

[Don't care about you anymore Rincewind, the sort-of-doggo is way cuter.]

[wizzardly]

[he's use to this by now.]

Oh yes. People's clothing, people's food, people - all of the above.

[hardboyled]

... People? [That's not the kind of food he meant!] Only bad people, right...?

[wizzardly]

...If those are the ones standing in its way, then absolutely. Yes. Only bad people.

[hardboyled]

Oh. [That. Doesn't sound right?!]

If I feed it, will it be less likely to eat me?

[wizzardly]

Possibly. ...Probably.

[hardboyled]

Then I will possibly probably feed it until it's not hungry enough to eat me!