1 ❀ video

[mattelrealist]

[ The feed opens on an attractive woman sitting on a standard-issue Heropan Housing couch, smiling with friendly demeanor at the camera. She has long, shimmery blond hair tied up in a high ponytail, bright blue eyes, and eyelashes thick enough to smother a fire. She's definitely the type to know how to prepare to be on camera, because that makeup is flawless; you can't even see her pores. (If... she even has them... ?)

She waves at the camera. ]

Good evening, everyone! I'm Barbie. I arrived here a few weeks ago, but things have been so crazy, I haven't had a chance to talk to you all! I'm super excited to meet you.

Now, I'll admit, becoming a "Registered Hero" isn't what I had planned for this month... or this year! But I've heard about what sort of trouble this place is in, and there's no way I can turn down a request for help so dire. There are so many dangers here... like spies! And kidnappers! And, worst of all... undersized sunglasses!

[ Conspiratorial, with her hand near her mouth for a secret: ] That's a fashion misdemeanor in Malibu. [ And with that out of the way, she straightens back up, her expression warm and welcoming. For someone that looks like she walked out of a makeup commercial (or maybe one for shampoo?), her friendliness and bubbly mood both seem very sincere. ]

While I'm here, I'm going to do everything I can to help. I may only be a toothpaste spokesmodel right now—

[ In what is clearly a practiced gesture, Barbie slips an object out of her purse without looking away from the camera, and for a short, smiling pose brandishes a tube of Gum Belle^® brand toothpaste—and did her teeth just sparkle on cue? That had to be a trick of the light, right?—before slipping it out of sight as if the whole promo never happened. ]

—But if you need a doctor, or a gymnastics coach, or an engineer, or a fashion designer, or a life guard, or an astronaut, or a dolphin trainer... well, you get the idea! Or even if you just need a friend to talk to, I'll be right here in Heropa.

I hope we can all be great friends.

Comments

[trickstar]

I can't believe you've had so many... Don't you need a lot of experience to do all those? And what the hell is an astronaut, anyway??

[mattelrealist]

An astronaut is a scientist that studies outer space by exploring it. We go to the moon a lot; why, I think I know Mare Tranquillitatis better than my own back yard!

[trickstar]

Mare... Tranquilizer?

Look, nevermind. You have to share how you get all those jobs. I could use like three, at this point.

[mattelrealist]

Well, sure! Happy to help. [ Is she going to have to open another branch of the Barbie Technical Institute? ] Let's start with the basics. What are your interests?

[trickstar]

Ugh. No, not this again. Skip that part. Think of something really cool and easy. That's it!

[Barbie, he would sign up so fast for that Institute you don't even know.]

[mattelrealist]

Cool... and easy...

[ She's worked hard to get into all her careers, and all her friends put in their greatest strengths and passions into what they do...

But if there's one person she knows who prioritizes "cool," it's—]

Oh! You could learn the guitar!

[trickstar]

Guitar, huh? You think that'll go over well?

[YEAH SORRY BARBIE HE'S THE SAME KIND OF ASSHOLE AS RYAN]

[mattelrealist]

[ BUT HE'S NOT TRYING TO GO ON A DATE WITH HER SO IT'S MUCH LESS AWKWARD ]

Yeah! You can sell your own CDs, or play coffee shops and small clubs, or go for the platinum and become full-fledged rock star. It's up to you!

[trickstar]

[Yet.]

I got about half of what you said, but I think I got the general idea of it! You said you name's Barbie? I'm Joseph.

[mattelrealist]

It's a nickname, but I let all my friends use it. [ Or, she lets literally everyone use it. ] It's very nice to meet you, Joseph. Can I call you Joe?

[ Nicknames for everyone!! ]

[trickstar]

The nickname people usually call me by is JoJo, actually.

[mattelrealist]

JoJo? [ Testing the word and finding it rad. ] Ooh, I like it! Can I call you that? JoJo?

[trickstar]

Only if I can call you Barbie!

[LAUGHS. like the big dork he is.]

[mattelrealist]

Of course! [ #all aboard the friendship #setting sail for fun ] It's great to meet you.

So, JoJo, what are your hobbies?

[trickstar]

... Haha, that's really what you want to hear about?

[ ...GIRLS WONT THINK READING COMIC BOOKS ARE A GOOD HOBBY!! #actually from 1930s]

I could tell you about some adventures I had instead, wouldn't that be a lot more interesting?

[mattelrealist]

Of course! [ sparkle sparkle. ] I love hearing about my friends' likes and hobbies.

I'd like to hear about your adventures, too!

[trickstar]

[Her smile is so dazzling. Maybe... Too dazzling...]

Okay, haha, wanna hear about the time I beat up a Nazi in Mexico?

[mattelrealist]

[ Maybe he should switch toothpaste brands if he wants a smile like that. ]

Oh, you've been to Mexico too? [ Because of course Barbie's been to Mexico, like come on. ] What was the occasion?

[ This may be a dodge away from talk about violence. There could be kids listening in, JoJo :( ]

[trickstar]

[Sadly being poor as he'll has some drawbacks. Like not bring able to afford fancy toothpaste.]

Well, that's where my Uncle was being held after being kidnapped. Y'know, by the Nazis.

[SORRY BARBIE LIKE 99% OF HIS ADVENTURES ARE VIOLENT, HE IS A SHOUNEN ANIME PROTAG. ): ]