maskormenace | [Video]

Listen up people of Earth, this is Cayde-6 speaking. First point of order: I have been informed that I'm your new Gun Safety Campaign Spokesman and I am very happy to keep your guns safe. Safe with me because my gun didn't make the trip and I'm feeling so very, very, very naked without it. If anyone can give me a loaner I'll owe ya big time.

Point number two: Just ... think of this as one of those ice-breaking exercises. You know the ones where everybody's awkward and doesn't wanna talk but you gotta answer some stupid question? One of those. Just. Just out of idle curiosity: what is your favorite thing about Earth? It can be anything, doesn't matter how small. In fact, it might be the small things that are the most important. Asking for a friend who isn't used to seeing it so ... intact.

[He counts out his fingers to four, thinks again, and subtracts one.]

Aaand number three: gimme the skinny on good places to eat around Maurita Falls? Extra points for good ramen joints. And I mean the real stuff, none of that instant business.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Mmmmmno, not really. It's doing pretty bad. Don't get me wrong it's way better than it was but we're still down to one City because the aliens didn't come for our fine dining.

Oh. Yeah. Earth got invaded in my universe, too. I don't know what's going to happen with that, but I don't think Earth in my universe is going to get reduced down to one city. I don't think the invaders would really want to do anything that would mess with coffee and chocolate production, and there's been a deliberate effort to avoid killing more humans than necessary.

Your wording doesn't fill me with confidence. Killing zero humans is the necessary baseline, pal.

I've never killed a human.

[Now, the other members of his species that were on Earth were a different story.]

[Dryly.]

I thank you for your passive non-contribution to the destruction of my people.

Actually, I was trying to stop the invasion. I even tried to keep a human reporter safe after he was targeted, but I failed horribly.

[And he does sound like he feels bad about that, too.]

Better.

Not that "failed to protect" part, that sucks, I know that eats away at a person.

Yeah...

I know this is kinda deep for a first convo, but you do anything to remember 'em by? It helps, a little.

Here? No. Back home I did something, but it probably would sound crazy.

Try me. I love crazy. Did anything blow up? Because that's always a plus.

I stole the body and tried to bring him back to life.

[Oh. Well. It's not as if he wouldn't have begged his ghost to rez Andal if she could. And aside from being the one of the Traveler's Chosen, all the ways he knows of coming back from the dead are less than ideal.]

How? Are we talking Really Creepy Dark Space Magic?

No, it's not creepy. There's a race of aliens called the Whites, and they have this technology that looks like a glass coffin. There's this Reptilian, his name's Kurt, who got hit by a car and killed. Jeff put him in the coffin just to have a place to store the body, but after a while he opened the lid and kissed him and he came back to life. I wanted to replicate this with Ozzie.

[Oh, that would be useful. Guardians can be brought back via their ghosts, but if their ghost gets killed ... that's it.]

Sounds like a fable from a long long long long long time ago. Did it work?

I don't know. The ship got taken over by an evil android cube, and then I ended up being pulled into this place.

[He puts his hands on his hips and shakes his head.]

Ain't that always the way? Alien tech just never works the way you want it and has TERRIBLE timing.

Yeah. Of course, so does the Porter.

Tell me about it. I was on my way to a prison riot out in the Reef. Sounded like a good time. Then poof! I find myself here.

Yeah, that's a trend with the Porter, grabbing people when they're in the middle of things. Granted, I always have crazy shit going on, so that's kind of hard to avoid with me.

You ever have one of those weeks where it's like things just do not stop happening? That's what it's been like for me for the past five years, so yeah there probably wasn't a good time to get grabbed.

Oh, yeah. Sounds like my life ever since I turned on the invasion.

I imagine it would be pretty time consuming. But as a citizen of an alternate Earth I thank you for your hard work.

Well, it's always nice to be appreciated!

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