THE MAJORITY REPORT: JANUARY 20TH, 2019

[maskormods]

THE MAJORITY REPORT: JANUARY 20TH, 2019The new year kicked off with a FABULOUS Swear-In!, a real treat for imPorts! Hopefully you had a chance to rub shoulders with your peers at this thrilling location.

OH FOR HUX SAKE
As seen in the official press release circulating throughout the Porter Cities.
PRESS RELEASE FROM AEGIS FORCE: All citizens in the Porter Cities are advised to be on the lookout for the imPort super-criminal, ARMITAGE HUX. Hux is currently wanted for charges including arson, attempted purchase of a biological toxin as a weapon, and assaulting an Aegis agent while resisting arrest. His known powers include the generation of fire from his hands. He is described as a pale ginger-haired man with a loud voice.

Hux was last spotted in Maurtia Falls, and has been working as a freelance business consultant. Anyone encountering him is urged to exercise caution, as he is believed to be extremely dangerous. Take note of the attached file photo and notify the police or contact Aegis Force if you see this man or have any information on his activities that may be helpful to this investigation.

PASS ME THE TAHANI SAUCE
As seen in everything ever:
Have you heard about Tahani Al-Jamil? Of course you have, darling. She is the newest, brightest imPort SUPER NOVA since Tony Stark had his last Elon Muskesque meltdown. Rumor has it that Versace is begging for a modeling contract with her. Have you looked at your local supermarket tabloids recently? She's allegedly had a romantic night with Frederick Chilton, has been proposed to by Danger, and is currently hiding the body of Momo Yaoyorozu, whom she murdered. What a delightful, elegant rascal! Easy to see why Tahani is the toast of Maurtia Falls!

What will she do next?

GOT YOUR NUMBERS CHANNEL
As heard on the AM radio airwaves of Jeopardy in repeat:
"Due to the revealing data of new ears on this channel, we cannot continue to operate under this scrutiny. Wouldn't you agree, Ken Kaneki? Jacob Taylor? Urdr? It is wiser that we stop... On this channel.

May she forgive us all."

I SPYDER WITH MY LITTLE EYE
As seen around Jeopardy:
Little neon, rubber spiders have seemed to infest the city of Jeopardy. Seems like an expensive joke -- all of these spiders have a large, grinning smile carved into what would be their faces. Thousands upon thousands of these bright little, inch-long spiders have been showering the city of Jeopardy since Sunday morning. What a bizarre prank, but it seems harmless enough.

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from ELECTRIC SLIDE BLUE to TIFFANY BLUE, since she's been talking shit about Tahani probably.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.

Comments

[debutaunt]

Oh Eleanor, this is downright adorable of you! You're still censoring yourself!

[forkingbullshirt]

Yeah, that isn't me. It's whatever gave us these weird powers that makes it impossible for me to say fork. I can still say butthead so there's that at least

[debutaunt]

So one of your powers is that you are stuck with a Good Place censor...

[forkingbullshirt]

Someone's stupid forking idea of a joke. But being able to summon shrimp is pretty cool though.

[debutaunt]

You can't even use most of your favorite words! That's a shame. I was hoping to see how colorful you could get.

Summon... shrimp. Out of thin air?

[forkingbullshirt]

Oh trust me I have some 'colorful' words for the motherforking benches in charge of this forking mess for sure

Yep, it's pretty awesome. I keep shrimp sauce on me all the time in case I get hungry.

[debutaunt]

Just... in your purse. Shrimp sauce.

[debutaunt]

...You don't even carry a purse most of the time!

[debutaunt]

Eleanor, I don't dare ask where you're keeping it!

[forkingbullshirt]

Don't worry, I don't keep it anywhere weird- just in my bra. Super handy.

[Is she kidding? Is she serious? Only one way to find out...]

[debutaunt]

[Tahani still is making a slightly put-out face, but she gets over it quickly enough.]

Well, I suppose Jennifer Lawrence did also have a habit of keeping hash browns in her bra as well, and given her bosom size, no one’s noticed since, so…

[So you’re off the hook, Eleanor.]

I just have one concern about it now…

Doesn’t it become… room-temperature?

[forkingbullshirt]

Smart girl.

[Respect to JLaw.]

Well, yeah? Not really a terrible thing, it's fine.