THE MAJORITY REPORT: JANUARY 20TH, 2019

[maskormods]

THE MAJORITY REPORT: JANUARY 20TH, 2019The new year kicked off with a FABULOUS Swear-In!, a real treat for imPorts! Hopefully you had a chance to rub shoulders with your peers at this thrilling location.

OH FOR HUX SAKE
As seen in the official press release circulating throughout the Porter Cities.
PRESS RELEASE FROM AEGIS FORCE: All citizens in the Porter Cities are advised to be on the lookout for the imPort super-criminal, ARMITAGE HUX. Hux is currently wanted for charges including arson, attempted purchase of a biological toxin as a weapon, and assaulting an Aegis agent while resisting arrest. His known powers include the generation of fire from his hands. He is described as a pale ginger-haired man with a loud voice.

Hux was last spotted in Maurtia Falls, and has been working as a freelance business consultant. Anyone encountering him is urged to exercise caution, as he is believed to be extremely dangerous. Take note of the attached file photo and notify the police or contact Aegis Force if you see this man or have any information on his activities that may be helpful to this investigation.

PASS ME THE TAHANI SAUCE
As seen in everything ever:
Have you heard about Tahani Al-Jamil? Of course you have, darling. She is the newest, brightest imPort SUPER NOVA since Tony Stark had his last Elon Muskesque meltdown. Rumor has it that Versace is begging for a modeling contract with her. Have you looked at your local supermarket tabloids recently? She's allegedly had a romantic night with Frederick Chilton, has been proposed to by Danger, and is currently hiding the body of Momo Yaoyorozu, whom she murdered. What a delightful, elegant rascal! Easy to see why Tahani is the toast of Maurtia Falls!

What will she do next?

GOT YOUR NUMBERS CHANNEL
As heard on the AM radio airwaves of Jeopardy in repeat:
"Due to the revealing data of new ears on this channel, we cannot continue to operate under this scrutiny. Wouldn't you agree, Ken Kaneki? Jacob Taylor? Urdr? It is wiser that we stop... On this channel.

May she forgive us all."

I SPYDER WITH MY LITTLE EYE
As seen around Jeopardy:
Little neon, rubber spiders have seemed to infest the city of Jeopardy. Seems like an expensive joke -- all of these spiders have a large, grinning smile carved into what would be their faces. Thousands upon thousands of these bright little, inch-long spiders have been showering the city of Jeopardy since Sunday morning. What a bizarre prank, but it seems harmless enough.

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from ELECTRIC SLIDE BLUE to TIFFANY BLUE, since she's been talking shit about Tahani probably.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.

Comments

[bloodprayer]

[ .............. shit he probably shouldn't be selling venomous spiders capable of killing an adult man to a super-criminal, huh ]

if my file photo looked like that i'd probably want to murder people too

[plentystrong]

Wow, guess this Tahani person is cooler than I thought.

[sonofgold]

Grinning neon spiders? No, that doesn't sound creepy at all.

[faithfulson]

...I probably should not have smiled at Hux being on the wanted list.

[ Maybe. Probably. ]

[fource]

...Hiding Momo's what?!

[lesterzeppelin]

We've gotta make her pay, Quatre.

video;

[debutaunt]

Attention everyone!

I'm certain I don't need to tell you that the gossip columns exaggerate a few details about me and my personal life, but I also won't correct the rumors from such lowbrow journalism, as that would give them more credibility from me than they deserve.

However, if you'd like to have the real facts of my ongoings, please direct your attention to my daily-updated blog site, #TahaniTime!

video;

[slightlyoffchilt]

[In his office, on a Sunday, whiskey tumbler already in hand.]

"Exaggerate" is a kindly turn of phrase!

video;

[plentystrong]

Sounds like something a murderer would say!

Re: video;

[knaval]

[you know what riptide should be above? this. you know what he's doing, for real, in public? also this.]

Wild, some of the things they come up with. [sheepishly:] C...can I have your autograph?

video;

[recommendations]

Good afternoon, Al-Jamil-san. My name is Momo Yaoyorozu. I would like to preemptively apologize for any... recompense, from those people who take these writings for truth and try to punish you on my behalf.

video;

[setmatch]

I was wondering why Momo didn't show up to work last week... [ He kids, Tahani, he kids...!]

Rumors aside, if you do find yourself in legal trouble, my services are always available.

[mortalweapon]

Are you quite certain you rather not have it corrected?
I would be willing to determine the source of the rumor and forcefully correct them.

[grandtheftequine]

Sounds like you're settling in well.

[flightforfreedom]

Fucking finally.

If Aegis needs volunteers for dealing with him, sign me up.

He should have been put on the list the second he got here.

[darkpants_warmfeeling]

We'll give you a call if we need help tracking him down, Poe. Thanks for the offer.

Have you got history from him back home, or are we talking about the things he's done here?

@aegis but public

[kanyounot]

I hope they're not working too closely with the MFPD. Almost all the police here are on the take. I can give you a few trustworthy names if need be but otherwise, be very, very careful about who you deal with.

If anyone else needs any assistance tracking Hux or getting him into custody, please contact me.

[darkpants_warmfeeling]

We're being careful, don't worry. Any names you can give would be a big help, though.

[divaricate]

🙃

[ That's it, that's her text. ]

[queenofseers]

No, we don't agree, actually? Or know what the fuck you're talking about? Jesus Christ.

[ Just...playing down the fact they called her out personally. Haha. What the fuck. ]

[darkpants_warmfeeling]

This is bullshit. Why do they put so much energy into sending messages no one can understand, but shut down when someone might have a chance to talk back to them?

text; username is just a moon emoji ( 🌙︎ )

[dragony]

Well. That's great.

[ Yeah pretty much everyone knows who this name belongs to but shut up ]

audio

[onlydoubts]

It's about time he's been stopped.

audio

[darkpants_warmfeeling]

Have you got history with him?

[AUDIO]

[forgeabettertomorrow]

[Upon seeing the news about his beloved apprentice]

She did WHAT!?!?!?!

[Literally anyone who knows Darin will recognize the fact that his voice doesn't usually make that particular sound.]

[How fitting would it be for Diomuhr, the apocalyptic-inclined Archfiend, to be released over a tabloid.]

[AUDIO]

[recommendations]

Darin-san! Please, calm down! It isn't true!

video;

[recommendations]

To anyone who may be concerned about my well-being: I assure you, I am alive and well. I have not been "murdered," or even attacked, by Al-Jamil-san or by anyone.

Please, do everyone a favor and cease believing everything you read in a tabloid.

[forkingbullshirt]

Dang, gurl, you've been busy.

Though, pretty sure Tahani has never literally killed anyone.

[debutaunt]

Between you and I, Eleanor, I did none of those things!

[bat_daughter]

Okay, speaking as someone who used to live in Gotham City, the spider thing is much too close to a Joker scheme for my tastes.