maskormenace | 1st 💀 Video;

1st 💀 Video;

[The feed clicks on, and everyone is greeted with Guzma grinning like a total jackass. He looks the part too, white and black hair, yellow sunglasses on his head that are asymmetrical, purple around his eyes that... might be makeup? Lets not forget that fat gold chain around his neck with a gold emblem of a S that looks like a skull. This guy is, uh, something else.]

Attention fellow ImPorts—it's your boy Guzma!

[He pauses a moment, as if making sure he's got people's attention, like what he has to say is somehow important. Well, he thinks everything he has to say is important on some level, but whatever.]

This shit really connected to y'all? Awful convenient, huh? Guess y'all better get used to hearing from ya boy on the regular. That's right, big bad Guzma ain't gonna be letting this shit fall into disuse.

[Great news for you guys...]

So! If you ain't looking for a beat down, I suggest you make yourself useful. I just showed up, and while I ain't no punk loser who ain't got a clue on how to deal with being brought somewhere new so suddenly, may as well do some info gathering, huh?

I suggest you cough up what useful shit you got to share that them stiffs didn't go into. Don't go wasting my time with useless garbage, neither. I'm in the mood to kick some ass, so if you wanna just hand me an excuse to smash your dumbass into the ground, I ain't gonna stop you.

[Honestly, is he looking for info, or a fight? Maybe both. He shrugs, and then points to his head, tapping his temple while emphasizing his next part:]

But! Those of ya who got something in that skull of yours, y'know, a little bit of sense? A brain, maybe? You'll realize real quick what a stupid idea it is to get on the hated boss' bad side.

So, hurry it up! I ain't got all day.

[Yes he does, he literally has nothing better to do right now.]

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Maybe I am, what's it to ya?

[Honestly, he didn't think that far ahead. He was just goading, as he is wont to do...]

Well, I mean, it just sounds like a lot of work. [ Wryly. ]

And I'm kind of curious just who is going to try throwing down with my friends, for-- Well, whatever it is you are throwing down for, because honestly, I kind of lost track of the line of logic there for a bit.

What are you actually looking to find out?

Ya boy don't shy from work.

[Well, he doesn't shy from beating people down. Work is an entirely different beast altogether. At the comment on his line of logic, he shrugs. Logic and Guzma aren't exactly friends.]

Anything useful, stupid! I'm new in this shithole, not like I know this place like the back of my hand. This ain't nothing like Alola, yo!

[ Poe can't decide if he's amused or annoyed.

Probably amused, or he'd just hang up. ]

Alright. First useful thing. Maybe don't threaten to beat people up and ask them for help at the same time? Or you might find the advice to be less than helpful.

Second? If your government job is terrible, don't waste time getting a new one. Just do it, or you'll regret it later. Especially if it's a weird job that doesn't suit you. Plenty of people want to hire imPorts just for the aesthetics, so it's not hard to get paid work. You're not stuck with what they give you.

[Guzma has this weird effect on people, he can both annoy and amuse them at the same time. It's a wicked curse, because those same people also tend to piss him off, and yet they don't gO AWAY!

Poe seems fine, though.]

That ain't useful, when it's got its own purpose.

Eh, I've never been one for typical work. [He's a bit of an anarchist, kinda. Either way, he's not one who fits in with society, or one to listen to authority, so...] But, I gotta say the one they gave me ain't too bad.

[He's... a counselor for troubled teens. A man, who has made a gang of misfits. Out of troubled teens. Truly this is some sick joke, and only Guzma's laughing.]

[ Poe seems fine for now. ]

And the purpose being...? See who's willing to talk to you despite the threats of violence? [ Well it worked on you, Poe, so. ]

Yeah? What'd they saddle you with?

[Now is what matters, right?]

That, and it's gotten me information. Maybe I wanted to kick up some shit, and that certainly worked. Honestly, this entire thing has been a success.

[He wanted to get a rise, and a rise he certainly got!]

Counselor for troubled teens. [He sounds so smug about it, but that's because he knows shit Poe doesn't. His gang isn't here, so clearly he just needs to remake it, right?]

[ Ho boy. ]

Yeah, that seems appropriate somehow. [ His voice is very dry. The word 'troubled' certainly seems to apply. ]

Any advice I could give otherwise kind of depends what you want out of this place, but. I guess mainly, just. Treat it like a vacation.

Eh, I know how to deal with them troubled kids, so I can't fault 'em.

[Like, leading them to ill spend their youth towards his egotistical and anarchic cause...]

A vacation, huh? Well, it does kinda feel like that. It's certainly not like anything Alola was like. Pretty big change of pace from islands, that's for sure.

[Especially when he's landlocked like this. That's just... something that doesn't exist when you're an islander.]

[ Poe had Zero faith in the government selected jobs, so... ]

Alola? That a planet or a place on Earth, or an alternate earth, or...?

[Hey, Guzma agrees. He thinks it's mad stupid they gave someone like him this job, the fact it benefits him is besides the point. They played into his hand, here.]

Nah, it's the region I'm from back home.

[A beat]

...What's an Earth?

The planet you're on currently. It's called Earth.

Which yeah I know is like... calling a planet 'dirt', it's pretty ridiculous. I'm surprised they didn't call their moon 'rock'. But i think that answered my own question.

It's kinda wild thinkin' about bein' on a planet that ain't mine, stupid name or not.

[The planet that doesn't have a canonical goddamn name, but WHATEVER.]

But I guess it'd be even more wack if I was on the planet I should be on, when there ain't no damn Pokémon here.

I’m guessing your world doesn’t have interstellar travel then, hu—

[ wait ]

Did you say Pokémon?

Do you know Archie?

[He was gonna answer that with a "nah", but Poe cuts himself off with something a bit more interesting.]

Yeah I did, and no I don't.

[Unlike other people in the Pokémon world who are a bit more aware of old terrorist groups, Guzma is not. It's not totally his fault, Alola only recently started opening itself up to the rest of the world...]

Should I?

[ Ah, oh well. He deflates a little. ]

Nah, he's just a good friend of mine. From the same world. There seem to be a lot of you guys here, actually.

Did you bring any Pokémon with you?

Real surprisin' that we dudes who come from the same world, which is an entire damn planet, don't know each other, huh?

[Okay, Sergeant Sarcasm.]

Yeah I brought some of my team... but, there's a lot of us? How many you talkin' here?

[He needs to know. For reasons.]

Look, half of the people from my universe here are from the same family, and there are literally billions of us to choose from. Those that aren't Skywalkers almost always know them, or know of them, somehow. It's not as crazy as it sounds.

Uh - I'm not sure how many exactly, at the moment. They come and go. Red and Blue were here, but they're gone. Matt was here - Maxie - you'd have to ask Archie. He'd know.

...So, you sayin' there's some kinda anchor for each universe us dudes are plucked from? Them Skywalkers being yours?

[Interesting theory. Interesting enough that Guzma isn't sassying immediately.]

Hmm. Nah, ain't know a one of them. Maybe that theory's got more holes in it than we thought, huh?

Archie like some kinda Boss 'round here for those from my turf?

I have no idea in hell how the porter works, I just know that for some places it likes patterns. Sometimes it doesn't, though. One of the first women I met here was a jedi from three thousand years before me. And Jadus is from somewhere around there, too. So it's definitely not a completely solid theory.

[ He shakes his head. ]

Nah. I mean, he helps run Aegis, sometimes, but that's for all imPorts, not just those from your world. He'd just a good guy, and likes people, so he knows a lot of them. He keeps tabs on you guys especially, I think.

Maybe it's just terrible coincidence, yo. Who knows, this sorta shit is beyond me.

[He's a stupid man, but even most can't grasp this sorta thing easily. He knows when to back out.]

Sounds like a douche. Hope I don't run into him anytime soon.

[How ironic.]

Hey, watch your mouth. He’s one of my best friends.

You’d be lucky to meet him.

[ Poe offered a smile that would have been charming if it wasn’t so edged. ]

I’d have no qualms about putting a douche through a wall if they gave him grief.

Yeah!? You gonna make me, tough guy!?

[He doesn't seem remotely intimidated, if anything, he looks pretty energetic about this whole thing. Like that threat gave him a boost like he downed two damn shots of espresso!]

I'll be sure to smash his face in real good if I come across this dickhead. Just for you, yo.

[Threatening Guzma just riles him, it has the opposite effect it should...]

[ Unfortunately - or maybe fortunately? - Poe is also an easily riled person, despite all his best efforts to the contrary. ]

Go and try it. I'd like to see him lay you flat on your ass.

[ Sorry, Archie. ]

Heheheheh... Yeah? You that confident in your boy Archie, huh?

[He sneers.]

Guess more confident in him than yourself, seein' as you ain't lookin' too willing to make me "watch my mouth."

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