1st 💀 Video;

[golisolation]

[The feed clicks on, and everyone is greeted with Guzma grinning like a total jackass. He looks the part too, white and black hair, yellow sunglasses on his head that are asymmetrical, purple around his eyes that... might be makeup? Lets not forget that fat gold chain around his neck with a gold emblem of a S that looks like a skull. This guy is, uh, something else.]

Attention fellow ImPorts—it's your boy Guzma!

[He pauses a moment, as if making sure he's got people's attention, like what he has to say is somehow important. Well, he thinks everything he has to say is important on some level, but whatever.]

This shit really connected to y'all? Awful convenient, huh? Guess y'all better get used to hearing from ya boy on the regular. That's right, big bad Guzma ain't gonna be letting this shit fall into disuse.

[Great news for you guys...]

So! If you ain't looking for a beat down, I suggest you make yourself useful. I just showed up, and while I ain't no punk loser who ain't got a clue on how to deal with being brought somewhere new so suddenly, may as well do some info gathering, huh?

I suggest you cough up what useful shit you got to share that them stiffs didn't go into. Don't go wasting my time with useless garbage, neither. I'm in the mood to kick some ass, so if you wanna just hand me an excuse to smash your dumbass into the ground, I ain't gonna stop you.

[Honestly, is he looking for info, or a fight? Maybe both. He shrugs, and then points to his head, tapping his temple while emphasizing his next part:]

But! Those of ya who got something in that skull of yours, y'know, a little bit of sense? A brain, maybe? You'll realize real quick what a stupid idea it is to get on the hated boss' bad side.

So, hurry it up! I ain't got all day.

[Yes he does, he literally has nothing better to do right now.]

Comments

Video;

[ralltiir]

[ This is...a lot. ]

First of all, you are not "my boy." You are a grown man, and perhaps you should act accordingly.

Video;

[golisolation]

I'm actin' like a grown ass man, yo!

[Who the hell does this guy think he is?]

Just 'cos I ain't actin' like I need to be put in the same nursing home you're clearly answerin' from don't mean shit!

[adamantlyardent]

Truly the most charming and flawless of first impressions you have there. Not at all off-putting or distasteful in presentation. How could anyone resist bending over backwards for your sake now?

You'll be knocked down a peg or six in due time.

video;

[golisolation]

[Yeah, he's gonna stubbornly respond with video. In truth, he's sparing her from his text speech.]

Yeah? And what makes you think this ain't by design, stupid?

[He revels in people's hatred towards him, so what better way to introduce himself truly?]

Tch, ain't no one here who can take down the big bad boss! But, it's cute you got confident in 'em. Guess someone's gotta.

[VIDEO]

[forgeabettertomorrow]

[Oh man.]

[Oh man this? This is...this is making Darin feel old. Is he getting old? He turns 26 in three days. That's not old.]

[But he's kinda rubbing the bridge of his nose here.]

Lemme just...

Lemme just stop you right there...What was it? Guzzle?

Cool.

Let's dial back the attitude just a bit before you say something you're gonna wind up regretting.

[VIDEO]

[golisolation]

Guz—Guzzle?

[He actually barks out a laugh at that, but cuts it off quickly with the corrected and sharp:]

GuzMA!

[The irritation is only obvious in his brow that furrows, that grin still plastered on his face.]

Ain't gonna regret nothin' I say, man! Never have, never will! But if you wanna try to stop me, you're welcome to try.

video

[flightforfreedom]

[ The driest voice paired with the highest arched eyebrow. ]

Okay, so you.... Are you just going to fight anyone on the network that doesn't reply to this?

Are you keeping a list?

video

[golisolation]

Maybe I am, what's it to ya?

[Honestly, he didn't think that far ahead. He was just goading, as he is wont to do...]

[video]

[sonofgold]

"Big bad boss", huh? Whose boss are you?

[video]

[golisolation]

Of Team Skull, stupid!

[As if that means anything here.]

video;

[crypdick]

[ The Outsider might have ignored this, but a couple of little things Guzma said caught his attention. So he responds, not to give Guzma a rundown (he's no welcome wagon, please.) but to ask his own questions.

The Outsider looks human enough, except his eyes - they're pitch black. ]

When you say a situation similar to this isn't new to you, what do you mean?

video;

[golisolation]

Huh?!

[As if he's not even aware of the shit he said...]

What—no, man, I'm just saying I can adapt to the unexpected without my hand being held. This ain't outside my wheelhouse, yo.

[After all, he was planning on going to an alternate dimension potentially before coming here...]

vid

[h2no]

You wanna fight, big bad boss?! Fine! I'll kick the shit outta you and then give you all the info you need to survive this foul universe while you lay defeated on the concrete!!!

[it's not out of anger. he's having fun.]

vid

[golisolation]

[Now this IS WHAT GUZMA'S TALKING ABOUT!!! Weird he wants to give him the info after a fight, but Guzma can't honestly complain getting both the things he wants in a single package.]

Yeah?! Put your fists where your mouth is, yo!

[Yeah, Guzma sounds more excited than mad.]

Name a time and place, asshole, and I'll crush you and take all the deets you fucking GOT!

video;

[lootsnshoots]

[Cayde crosses his arms and chuckles.]

Well aren't you full of piss an' vinegar! I respect that.

video;

[golisolation]

Ain't got any reason not to be, yo. Least someone's got enough sense to show respect where it's due.

[He means, besides being brought to a whole new world, but that alone is enough of a reason.]

And you'd be?

permavid

[killtime]

[ Dryly: ]

Should I be jealous that you're already offering to beat up other people?

[golisolation]

[Oh hey, it's the hot cop!]

And here I thought that was a platonic beat down. Maybe you should let a guy know you're the type to catch feelings after he roughs ya up a bit.

[The sarcasm is palpable.]

video

[godkaru]

[Quietly with feeling] I'm sorry about Darin, please don't hurt him too badly.

video

[golisolation]

Huh? Which one's Darin?

[As if he'd remember names if he was told them, honestly.]

video

[melodramagic]

[ Is this some sort of joke? Oh, no, this guy is serious. ]

What, are you going to swing fists at every imPort who doesn't help you?

video

[golisolation]

[Very much so serious, unfortunately.]

Maybe—what's it to ya, huh?

video »

[onlydoubts]

[ Well. This is A Lot. Bodhi will squint at the screen for a moment.

A long moment. ]

You, ah. Really know how to make an impression.

video »

[golisolation]

First impression's always the most important, yo.

[He's making a joke about his dumb bug's move called First Impression. AND NO ONE WILL GET THIS JOKE BUT HIM. But that's fine. He knows his wit is wasted on these losers.]

video;

[redcosmedic]

Well, I know someone whose making my new radio episode.

[ And probably not in a flattering way, but Knock Out is thoroughly enjoying the show. ]

video;

[golisolation]

Radio, huh? Well ain't you fancy.

[Guzma's fine with this. Any recognition is good recognition, as far as he's concerned!]

text

[monster_san]

Welcome to Earth, Guzma-san.

You must be doing very well to own a business so soon after arriving here! However, I should warn you that there are very strict laws against assault in America, so beating people 'down' or 'up' is not advisable.

perma video; he's stubborn like that

[golisolation]

Earth, huh?

[What a weird name, but whatever.]

What the hell you going on about? I don't own no business—I'm the leader of a gang! Which means I don't give two shits about no laws!

Voice

[by_candlelight]

[ Ruby just kind of stares at the screen for a while before even deciding to reply. She's never seen something that struck her as so pathetic an attempt to be 'hip and with the kids' than this video in her entire life. She almost closes the window, but groans a little to herself and realises she should probably at least make sure this guy isn't left in the dark. She doesn't want to, but she did say she would try to pass important information around to new people. ]

Have you been given the FAQ yet? Not the pamphlet. The one online that's written by other imports. It's missing a few months since the curator got ported out, but it at least has a lot of valuable information in it.

[ At least her voice sounds more tired than unimpressed... ]

Voice

[golisolation]

Nope!

[If he catches on to her being tired or unimpressed, it's not evident at all. It's like he has this serene lack of self awareness, much to everyone else's misery and suffering.]

Not that I haven't gotten some useful information, though. But send that shit my way, yo.

[He say this, like he has any intention of reading it in depth. Let's be real, he'll probably quit after the first few paragraphs...]

voice;

[plentystrong]

Well, if you wanted to compete for a Most Annoying Person award, I think your chances are great.

voice;

[golisolation]

Dunno if I can usurp your throne, yo. But I'm up for a challenge.

Video

[namesaquestion]

What hole'd the Porter drag you out of?

[That is very much a sneasel peering over his shoulder with a squinty look, nevermind how rude and abrasive Niko's words truly are.]

Hmph. One: This isn't your world, but someone else should have told you by now. Two, this thing here is a pokemon- a sneasel. Something native to mine and Archie's world and if you ask him nicely, he might explain more about them. The weakling's a bleeding heart over them.

Video

[golisolation]

Alola, if you gotta know.

[Oh! He sees that Sneasel though! He's gonna brush right past everything else, because he does not give a crap about the obvious.]

A Pokémon, huh?

[With an all too familiar flash, and sound, there's now Golisopod peering over Guzma's shoulder.]

Don't gotta explain that shit to me, punk. Good to know I ain't the only trainer in this shithole.

video;

[fursleuth]

[He has no idea what he expected, and yet this is somehow exactly on brand.]

Oh my god, this is amazing. Are you gonna set up an ass-kicking booth and make a career out of it or are you just doing it freelance?

video;

[golisolation]

[Out of everyone. Literally everyone. This is the one who actually catches him off guard. Because! It's a goddamn Pikachu talking to him! Good job, detective, he's floored.]

What the hell?

[He has to stop and actually think about whether he's high or not. He's pretty sure he didn't blaze it the fuck up before making his grand intro, but... a talking Pikachu...?]

How are you talking, yo!?

video;

[crassidy]

Okay, but what if we are lookin' for a beat down. How we would go about that?

video;

[golisolation]

Like I said, I'm in the mood to deliver, so if you're just wantin' to be beat down, I guess we can scratch each other's itches, huh?

video;

[heliophilic]

[Oh hello did someone say "fight?"]

What's this about a fight? You said a lot of nothing, but I do feel like I heard the word "fight" in there a couple of times.

video;

[golisolation]

Tch, a lot of nothin'?

[He doesn't sound as irritated as he probably should, with how quick he's jumping at the chance to fight literally everyone.]

Well, can't say I blame ya for bein' so one-tracked. But, yeah, a fight. You lookin' for one, 'cos I got one with your name on it if ya are.

VOICE ▸

[sexual]

[ Yeah, she stopped somewhere in the middle of all that. ]

How do I block you from being able to contact me or include me in this feed ever again?

VOICE ▸

[golisolation]

Haha, wow uh, you ain't too bright, huh?

[Seriously, asking the guy who said he was new, but also asking the dude who is clearly wanting to bother people? Even if he knew, he wouldn't tell her.]

Am I really the dude you should be asking, lady?

[knaval]

[unaware of guzma's introduction on the network, riptide is on a lake in his alt mode in nonah. maybe later when guzma comes back from his "meeting" with darin, he'll decide to let golisopod go for a swim. maybe he'll just see the big blue futuristic speedboat with no mooring and no-one around that looks very open and prime for the taking ...

riptide is asleep. he certainly won't notice anything at first.]

[golisolation]

[Guzma had thought about going straight back to Maurtia Falls after that whole ordeal. But, fuck it. He's new in town, to every town here actually, and he might as well get acquainted if he's gonna be kicking everyone's ass all over the place. And maybe he thought Golisopod could use a nice refresher after all of that, the poor bug seemed kinda down, after all.

So, yeah. He's found himself at a little lake, letting the big old bug have some fun in the water, when he notices a wicked ass boat. It's not that Guzma has ever really cared about boats? Or anything like that. But hey. It's pretty fucking cool looking, and it's just... sitting there.

Unattended.

Like, is there anyone even around other than him right now? Not that it matters.

Cue Guzma walking his stupid ass over, doing a surveying look around for what yuppie might be the actual owner... before just letting himself on board.]

Well ain't this shit just fancy...

[Looking at the control panel? Area? Whatever that's called on a boat, I don't know and neither does Guzma. But there's some shit to press, and maybe Guzma doesn't give enough of a shit after a building nearly collapsed in on him to not roughly jab at each thing he sees.]

video

[khajidont]

[ Ohhhh boy. This guy sure knows how to get a rise out of people. Jaime would be lying if he didn't say he was a little annoyed, but... ]

So. Has anyone helped you with what you're looking for yet? Coming to a place like this can be a lot to deal with all at once.

You'll have to say what you're actually looking for, for the record. I'm sure you got, like, a list or something kicking around up there.

video

[golisolation]

[It's honestly such an art to be able to piss off so many people at once, and Guzma is nothing if not a master of the craft.]

More or less, yeah. It ain't so bad, nothing I can't handle.

[He shrugs at that.]

Basic shit is what I'm after. Things like turf boarders, best places to get a drink, who's the hardest dude around, other than me, so I can crush 'em. Y'know, the usual.

[Guzma, that is not the usual you idiot.]

Some of this shit I've gotten answers to.

video »

[lesterzeppelin]

[ If this guy hadn't said his name, Apollo would've sworn he was staring at some version of Ares. He can't help shaking his head, if a bit fondly - ]

For starters, what city did they put you up in?

Re: video »

[golisolation]

[At least someone appreciates his massive ego, even if only because it reminds them of someone else. Apollo seems like he might actually be useful.]

Maurtia Falls, yo.