1st 💀 Video;

[golisolation]

[The feed clicks on, and everyone is greeted with Guzma grinning like a total jackass. He looks the part too, white and black hair, yellow sunglasses on his head that are asymmetrical, purple around his eyes that... might be makeup? Lets not forget that fat gold chain around his neck with a gold emblem of a S that looks like a skull. This guy is, uh, something else.]

Attention fellow ImPorts—it's your boy Guzma!

[He pauses a moment, as if making sure he's got people's attention, like what he has to say is somehow important. Well, he thinks everything he has to say is important on some level, but whatever.]

This shit really connected to y'all? Awful convenient, huh? Guess y'all better get used to hearing from ya boy on the regular. That's right, big bad Guzma ain't gonna be letting this shit fall into disuse.

[Great news for you guys...]

So! If you ain't looking for a beat down, I suggest you make yourself useful. I just showed up, and while I ain't no punk loser who ain't got a clue on how to deal with being brought somewhere new so suddenly, may as well do some info gathering, huh?

I suggest you cough up what useful shit you got to share that them stiffs didn't go into. Don't go wasting my time with useless garbage, neither. I'm in the mood to kick some ass, so if you wanna just hand me an excuse to smash your dumbass into the ground, I ain't gonna stop you.

[Honestly, is he looking for info, or a fight? Maybe both. He shrugs, and then points to his head, tapping his temple while emphasizing his next part:]

But! Those of ya who got something in that skull of yours, y'know, a little bit of sense? A brain, maybe? You'll realize real quick what a stupid idea it is to get on the hated boss' bad side.

So, hurry it up! I ain't got all day.

[Yes he does, he literally has nothing better to do right now.]

Comments

video;

[golisolation]

[Out of everyone. Literally everyone. This is the one who actually catches him off guard. Because! It's a goddamn Pikachu talking to him! Good job, detective, he's floored.]

What the hell?

[He has to stop and actually think about whether he's high or not. He's pretty sure he didn't blaze it the fuck up before making his grand intro, but... a talking Pikachu...?]

How are you talking, yo!?

[fursleuth]

Pokemon can always talk friendo. Maybe you can't hear us over the sound of your own voice, you think?

[DOMINANCE TACTICS.]

[golisolation]

[Guzma just stares for a few moments, unsure of what to even make of this... but, you know what? He's just been brought to a different planet through the power of bullshit teleporter, he guesses making a Pokémon able to talk isn't the weirdest thing that could be happening here.]

Oh yeah? That just means you're an even bigger loudmouth than me, huh?

[But he does have to wonder the real reason this Pikachu is talking, but none of his are.]

Where's your trainer—or are you just some punk-ass wild Pikachu?

[Not that it couldn't be possible this is just a wild Pokémon, but...]

[fursleuth]

Yeah, I get that a lot.

[No shame in his game, man... Even if he's lying. If sheer intent could have him talking to humans then he and Tim wouldn't be Destiny.]

And my partner is indisposed, so I'm just a freewheeling detective hunting for a cause, righting wrongs, making rights more right, and so forth. [Why is every asshole here from his world a trainer? It's not a big deal- Ryme City's obviously not hugely against trainers even if it's illegal to have proper battles, but they're so...... aggressive. You make eye contact and suddenly they wanna fight you. It's embarrassing.

And then, randomly:] Oh my god, wait. Are you part of a gang?

[golisolation]

Can't say I'm too surprised.

[He is. He is totally surprised, but he's just gonna play it cool, because continuing to freak out over a talking Pikachu isn't gonna get him anywhere other than making him look like more of a fool than he's intended to look like already.]

Indisposed? Is that your way of sayin' they ain't here? [Because, what else could it mean, really. But, a detective? Great. Guzma's nose scrunches at all that goody talk, but when he makes the connection, when he fucking gets that Guzma isn't the type to be taken with the sentiment... because he's a criminal, the Skull Leader's smugness returns in spades.]

Sure am. I'm the leader of Team Skull, yo!

[And with no shortage of condescension:]

What an impressive little sleuth you are. Maybe you earned wearing that dumb li'l hat of yours.

[fursleuth]

Thank you. That didn't even take any effort. It was just a natural reaction to anyone who dresses like that.

[He can't even remember which one Team Skull's supposed to be.] What's your unifying trait or pursuit? Money? Power? Rare Pokemon? Being too punk to function? I'm all ears. Literally. About half my size is in these ears.

[golisolation]

You certainly fit the bill for being a fuzz: already profiling people.

[Not that Guzma doesn't dress this way with the expressed purpose to not be recognized as a gang member/leader, but you know, whatever.]

Almost got it. We're upsetting the status quo, raining on society's perfect li'l parade, yo. I'm here to fuck shit up, and have a good damn time doing it! Sometimes the best way to bring change is to destroy everything, till there ain't nothing left. Then y'all start over from the ground up, and that's what Team Skull's all about!

[So... too punk to function, basically.]

[fursleuth]

[Look, it's NOT HIS FAULT that every bad guy in the Pokemon universes dresses like they're a bad guy. THAT'S WHY NO ONE SAW HOWARD COMING. He dresses like a sad old man.]

Oh yep. Yep. I get you. Anarchy's in, order is out. Down with Johnny Law. [He has no power here. He can't really arrest someone for, you know, existing as the antithesis for everything he believes in, but being a contrary little shit's not a crime.] How's that working out for you?

[golisolation]

[Maybe people need to stop expecting everyone to fit into tidy villain boxes!]

Great, actually. Can't complain, yo.

[Look man, he's got a rich ass milf on his side, their plans are going pretty damn smoothly, what more could he ask for, really?]

How's being the smallest cop in existence workin' for you?

[fursleuth]

[Lusamine is a pretty good sugar mama, it's true.]

Amazing. I just solved the crime of the century before I got stuck in this place. I was this close to having it all worked out, and then... Poof. [So you know, really we're not so different is probably the moral here.

Also Guzma can take and give right back, so why back down now?]

[golisolation]

[She sure as shit is! Would be even better if she put out... but we can't have it all, can we?]

Oh yeah? Big mystery for a little guy. I'm sure everyone's real impressed, yo.

[Guzma feels you, bro. Even if morals aren't exactly his cup of tea. or coffee. hot chocolate, whatever.]

I get you, though. Ain't nothin' more miserable than gettin' denied your climax, huh?

[Wait, what are they talking about again?]

[fursleuth]

[His contract says he's not allowed to lean into that double entendre, but god does he want to. He can feel the retort. Nope. No, gotta stay roughly PG. Do it for the kids.]

Everyone's got their Maltese Falcon. And hey, that's the good thing about mysteries and anarchy. They exist everywhere. There's always another climax.

[The narrative kind. Yes. Definitely. Put your phones down, Good Christian Parents.]

[golisolation]

[Break that PG rating, that's truly what the kids want.]

A what?

[Sorry, he's not familiar with your detective jack off material, Dick Tracy.]

Heh, well! Guess all y'can do is hope that this one's more satisfying than the one you missed out on, huh?

[Satisfaction in the conclusion of that strictly narrative and nonsexy climax. Don't worry, nothing but pure, wholesome, and Jesus-approved conversations between these two.]

[fursleuth]

If you have to ask, you'll never know. [WATCH A MOVIE, PUNK ROCK BUG COLLECTOR.

also ABSOLUTELY. Nothing to see here.]

I don't know, man. You never quite get over the one that got away. [He sighs wistfully.] But the good news is I can probably reach mine on my own, save myself some time and hassle. You're gonna need a lot of people to get your happy ending.

[You keep escalating Ryan Reynolds.]

[golisolation]

Tch, then it don't matter. [HEY! WHY DON'T YOU WATCH A MOVIE WHILE BEING A SQUATTER AT A TOWN WITH BASICALLY NO ELECTRICITY, HUH???

Yeah that gets a laugh out of him. Pikachu, you're aiight.]

Is that so, huh? Well, can't say I'm against a group dynamic with these sorts of things. But if you're more of a solo act, then more power to ya, yo!

[It's what I'm here for. Activating the Ryan Reynolds.]

[fursleuth]

I'd do better if I had a partner, don't get me wrong. I need somebody to bounce things off. When you're just talking to yourself, it gets really awkward.

[It like almost trails back to decent and PG-rated, but no. Nothing is PG rated anymore. You will now find the innuendo in everything and if Pikachu is aware he's doing it, his face is wholly straight and gives away nothing.]