text;

[crabsurd]

FIRST OF ALL: FUCK YOU AND FUCK THIS.
GRUBNAPPING. OF COURSE! SO "ORIGINAL." I AM SO STUNNED BY THIS DISPLAY OF CREATIVITY AND GOOD SENSE THAT MY ASSORTED SHOCKBLADDERS HAVE GONE INTO OVERDRIVE. IN FACT, I - WAIT, YES - HERE IT GOES. YOU WIN. YOU FORCED THIS OUT OF ME:

O:B

HOLY SHIT, THIS IS WHAT I HAVE BEEN REDUCED TO. LABORIOUSLY MASHING MY HANDS AROUND TO FORM WHAT WE CALL AN "EMOTE," BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE WORDS FOR HOW FUCKING FLABBERGASTED I AM. GOOD JOB, HUMANS. YOU'RE ONTO A WINNER.
"HEY, LET'S SNATCH UP THE ADOLESCENT TROLL WITHOUT WARNING OR PERMISSION AND BRING HIM TO SHITTY HUMAN TRASHPLANET TO SOLVE ALL OUR PROBLEMS." WHAT A GREAT IDEA!
UGH.
AND BEFORE I GO ANY FURTHER, I *KNOW* THIS SO-CALLED NETWORK ISN'T *TECHNICALLY* MADE FOR THE NUB-FELLATING INCOMPETENT GRUBDOUCHES WHO BROUGHT ME HERE
I *KNOW* I AM VOMITING MY ALMIGHTY WRATH ON THE HEADS OF OTHER IMPORTS BLAH BLAH ETC
AND I DON'T CARE.
THERE ARE HUMANS AMONG YOU, SO I HAVE DECIDED THAT YOU ARE ALL COLLECTIVELY RESPONSIBLE FOR MY CURRENT PREDICAMENT. AND THAT'S TERRIBLE.
I HOPE YOU ALL FEEL ASHAMED, BUT REST ASSURED THAT YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY BE AS ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES AS I AM OF YOU.
I AM PREPARING TO SECRETE SHAME FLUID FROM AN ASSORTMENT OF BODILY ORIFICES, SOLELY FOR THE PURPOSE OF DROWNING YOU WEIRD HORNLESS ASSHOLES IN IT. I CONSIDER THIS A MERCY KILLING. YOU'RE WELCOME.

I GUESS WHILE I'M WORKING UP TO THAT I CAN
I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE GET ON THIS "BLOGGING" BULLSHIT I'M SUPPOSED TO BE DOING.
SO IF ANYONE WANTS TO MAKE THEMSELVES USEFUL BEFORE BEING CULLED AND MAYBE LIKE
RECOMMEND SOME EARTH ROMCOMS FOR ME TO SNEER AT DERISIVELY OR SOMETHING
THAT WOULD BE HALFWAY TOLERABLE.

Comments

[heavyhitter]

um racist

also hahaha what the hell shitty emote is that supposed to be

[crabsurd]

WOW. CALLING ME A RACIST SOUNDS EXACTLY LIKE SOMETHING A RACIST WOULD DO.
RIPPING ON OTHER SPECIES IS A DEFINING PART OF TROLL CULTURE. ARE YOU DENYING ME MY EMPRESS-GIVEN TROLL RIGHTS? BECAUSE THAT SOUNDS INCREDIBLY RACIST OF YOU.

AND MY EMOTE ISN'T SHITTY. YOUR OCULAR PEBBLES ARE SHITTY FOR NOT GETTING IT.
IT IS OBVIOUSLY ME, MOUTH AGAPE, HORNS POINTING SKYWARD AS IF TO SAY "WHAT IN THE ABSOLUTE NAKED FUCK."
DUH.

[heavyhitter]

oh yeah no u can definitely call me a racist, i just wanted u to know ur one
so if u got that were all square

also are u sure it isn't a bucktoothed kid with a halo

[crabsurd]

SORRY, I DON'T TAKE ADVICE ON WHETHER I AM-OR-AM-NOT A RACIST FROM HUMAN RACISTS.
CHECKMATE, LOSER.

AND OF COURSE I'M FUCKING SURE, I TYPED IT MYSELF. WHICH IMPLIES THAT I KNOW WHAT IT MEANS.
MAYBE YOU TYPE THINGS WITHOUT UNDERSTANDING THEM A LOT? I DON'T KNOW. BUT THAT'S NOT HOW I ROLL.
(I ROLL IN THE LAND OF MANLY SHOCKED EMOTES WITH MIGHTY HORNS.)

[heavyhitter]

look sorry, our planet our rules
thats a nerdy angel emoticon u got there

[crabsurd]

I AM GOING TO TAKE YOUR SHITTY RULES FOR FLAPSNIFFING ASSHOLES
AND I AM GOING TO TEAR THEM APART WITH MY FEARSOME TEETH.
THEN I WILL DO A LITTLE DANCE ON TOP OF THE FRESHLY-RIPPED PIECES. IT WILL BE A MAGNIFICENT WORK OF PERFORMANCE ART, IN WHICH I PORTRAY THE SUFFERING OF ALL TROLLKIND THROUGH THE MEDIUM OF INTERPRETIVE DANCE. TEARS WILL BE SHED AT THE SIMPLE BEAUTY OF MY MOVEMENTS.
I WILL ONLY STOP DANCING WHEN WHAT REMAINS OF YOUR RULES ARE CRUSHED INTO THE DIRT BENEATH MY FEET, NEVER TO SULLY THE FESTERING REMAINS OF THIS PLANET AGAIN.

[heavyhitter]

oh my god wow
i am so happy the porter bullshit brought u in
im ramir, ur new best friend

[crabsurd]

OH MY GOD NO.
NO. THE POSITION OF BEST FRIEND IS ALREADY FILLED BY SEVERAL ASSHOLES THAT I HATE, I DON'T NEED ANOTHER ONE.
I AM BUILDING A TINY FENCE AROUND MY FRIENDSHIP ZONE RIGHT NOW. IT IS MADE OUT OF KNIVES AND SIGNS SAYING "NO RAMIRS."

[heavyhitter]

hahaha like a fence could keep me out
sorry buddy bigger people than u have tried, were friends

[crabsurd]

YOU CAN'T FRIEND ME WITHOUT MY CONSENT
THIS IS A VIOLATION

[heavyhitter]

im fine with that
so anyway ur an alien right, same kind as kanaya? will u give me pics because she just looks human and its the worst

[crabsurd]

WHAT
BACK YOUR HIDEOUS HUMAN CREASE THE FUCK UP
KANAYA LOOKS HUMAN?
DO YOU JUST HAVE HUMANS THAT LOOK LIKE KANAYA WHEREVER YOU COME FROM
OR IS THERE SOMETHING MORE SINISTER AT WORK HERE
OH GOD

 

 

I MEAN SURE PICS CAN BE A THING
I AM A FINE EXAMPLE OF TROLLHOOD AND HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE.

-- carcinoGeneticist [cG] attached file "FUCKYOU.JPG". Accept file [Y]/N? --

[heavyhitter]

ok for one thing my human crease isnt hideous its cute as hell, just so ur aware
and yeah she does. she said sometimes shes troll but ive only ever seen human, boooooring

ur pretty cute too i guess, for a gray guy

[crabsurd]

BY "BORING" I ASSUME YOU MEAN "LITERALLY THE MOST DISGUSTING THING EVER EXPERIENCED ON THIS GARBAGE DUMP OF A PLANET."
FTFY.
AND I AM NOT CUTE
I AM A MICROCOSM OF YOUR SUFFERING. I AM TERRIFYING AND YOU ARE IN AWE.

[heavyhitter]

totally not what i mean
i mean borings one thing and still true but she makes a pretty hot human

ur still just cute tho sorry

[crabsurd]

RJHKDFUGHLD GROSS
GROSS GROSS GROSS
NO HUMANS SOLICITING RELATIONSHIPS WITH TROLLS NO NO GROSS
NO
NOT ALLOWED
NO.
TAKE THAT ALLEGATION OF HOTNESS BACK RIGHT THE FUCK NOW. THERE WILL BE NO LUSTFUL INTERSPECIES GLANCES ON MY WATCH.
NONE.
URGHGHGRHRR.

[heavyhitter]

oh shit
u know what i just remembered why were best friends. this is great, ur the best

shes still smoking tho, 10/10 would definitely bang ( *¯ ³¯*)♡

[glowsferatu]

what the fuck

[heavyhitter]

oh hey kanaya whats up

[glowsferatu]

your inexplicable attraction apparently!!

[heavyhitter]

"inexplicable" come on, u look good

[glowsferatu]

looks are purely physical and mine are a lie to start with
youd still have quite a quantity of ugliness to contend with beyond them

[heavyhitter]

whatever ur made up looks are good
not even touching the rest of that, i know ur game

[crabsurd]

WHAT THE FUCK

[heavyhitter]

haha wow in stereo
text stereo