VIDEO ★ 001

[sidecars]

[ The audio starts before video's established. Two voices are already talking in the background. One neutral and subdued and the other thick with a Jersey accent. ]

So you've got a call running--

Yeah, yeah, I'm not an idiot.

--But you've only got audio. There's video capability if you--

I know! I might be old to you but I'm--

[ The transmission is suddenly dropped. But it comes back in a few seconds. ]

--was the "End Call" button.

.......... Yeah, I see that. I mean I know! Maybe I just didn't like the connection.

[ Silence stretches for a moment before the more authoritative voice picks back up. ]

So, instead, hit this button--

I got it! I've got this! At ease, soldier! It's not that hard to figure out! Criminy...

[ Finally, video is activated and the viewer is given a wonderful view of a young man in the most unflattering uniform the Army could and has ever handed out. He's scowling at someone off camera, allegedly walking to the door now that his job as a handler is over with. ]

Yes, thank you! You do your country proud as an armored baby sitter.

[ There's one last screwed up look before he returns his attention back to his portable device. It's like something right out of a Flash Gordon movie. His face brightens for his new audience. ]

So. This again. [ He literally just got back from the future, guys. Can't these trips be staggered a little better, please? ] My own government plucks me from one war and into another. Doesn't seem like a very effective tactic, now does it? Not that that's any a'my business. Never is, but I gotta ask... Can't you fellas wipe your own asses? It's been, what, seventy years! Figured by now you'd have invented something to clean out all the nooks and crannies...

Comments

[onthegroundsofbrooklyn]

Brooklyn, you got a problem with that? At least I'm from a place that people ain't ashamed of. Or people know the name of.

[sidecars]

Yeah, I'll say I've got a problem. [ That problem's right above and below your nose--OH WAIT! It's you. You are the problem. ] And that's the other one. The lot of ya should be!

[ AND BITCH PEOPLE KNOW JERSEY!! GOD YOU ARE SO LUCKY HE HAS NO IDEA HOW TO FIND YOU, YOU LITTLE SHIT FUCK COCKSUCK BITCHFFFUCK! ]

One day they're gonna burn that bridge and set you Dodger-lovin' punks adrift...

[onthegroundsofbrooklyn]

You got a problem with my city, jerk, you can take it up with my fists.

[sidecars]

Sounds like a date! It's too bad I'd wipe the floor with you before you even tagged me...

[onthegroundsofbrooklyn]

You going to put money down on that?

[God, where's Race when he needs him?]

[sidecars]

I'll put it down where ever you want, Brookie.

[ Does he even have money? They gave him some right? Like on a plastic card thing. Well whatever! It don't matter. He's not going to lose. ]

[onthegroundsofbrooklyn]

Oh yeah?

We'll see.

[sidecars]

Yeah, well, sooner rather than later, huh? I'd hate to leave you in suspense!

[onthegroundsofbrooklyn]

You better be coming to me, I don't waste time moving to fight a punk like you. De Chima.

[sidecars]

Fine. [ Bucky has no idea that's literally states away yet. ] But you're payin' the expense too when I win! Comin' and goin'!