001 | video

[ferrisbuellean]

[The video feed pans on to a well dressed, perfectly presented guy offering a winning smile as he sits in the booth of some fancy bar, all wood and leather, while nursing a glass of whiskey. Someone else is holding the camera and there's enough shaky cam and unfocused zooming to make the Bourne franchise jealous.]

Hey there. Do you like watching a ridiculously good looking man do law stuff? Want to watch him play some nondescript puzzle game on his phone for an entire hour? If yes, then have I got a surprise for you. If no, watch it anyway because apparently I need the ratings.

Jeff Winger here, Lawyer at Large and city hero bringing you a brand new series about me. [Another oh-so charming smile and a dramatic point to the camera.] And law!

Danger! Intrigue! Thrills! These are some things you'll probably never see in my show, but watch it anyway because hey, you might just strike it lucky. And ladies, you might just strike it lucky with me.

[Smirk smirk smirk, pause and then a glance off camera to someone, smugness replaced with a curious furrow of brows.] You guys do know I was disbarred ri-- [And the feed ends.]

Comments

[ferrisbuellean]

I dunno, I heard Chicago cops beat people. A lot. Either that or they're crooked as hell.

[dogsled]

They don't.

[ Not when he's around to guilt them, anyway. ]

Perhaps in other, less disciplined districts.

[ferrisbuellean]

[Wow, Fraser. You guilt tripper, you.]

You must have just got reeeal lucky.

[dogsled]

Or perhaps you were very unlucky?

[ferrisbuellean]

Never been to Chicago. Barely ever been outta my state. Not exactly well travelled, unlike the wandering Mountie.

[dogsled]

Really? Then you're basing these assumptions on hearsay?

[ferrisbuellean]

Stereotypes are often there for a reason.

[dogsled]

Based on visible extremes.

[ferrisbuellean]

Or characteristics. Like abusive cops.

[dogsled]

A few bad apples spoil the barrel.

[ferrisbuellean]

Okay, I get it, your boys are the good ones. I'm not even gonna contest it cause they have a Mountie on their side and I'm pretty sure Canadians don't lie. I heard that somewhere.

[dogsled]

You're very fond of your stereotypes, aren't you, Mr. Winger?

[ Says the Canadian that doesn't lie and is basically a walking stereotype nbd. ]

[ferrisbuellean]

They're just an easy familiarity to fall back on. I mean, c'mon, all the stereotypes about lawyers? So true.

[dogsled]

I'd advocate in your favor.

[ferrisbuellean]

Thanks, I think?

[dogsled]

[ Not even getting it. Supposedly. ]

You're welcome.

[ferrisbuellean]

[Just two dudes pretending not to know what the fuck is going on.]

Okay, but important Mountie question: Do you drink?

[dogsled]

Of course I do. It's an important trait for human survival.

[ Nope. ]

[ferrisbuellean]

That's exactly what I always say. How am I meant to survive without scotch?

[They're talking about two different kinds of drinks and survivals here, aren't they...?]

[dogsled]

[ Yep they are. ]

Quite easily, I imagine.

[ferrisbuellean]

Hah, no.

[Would die an excruciating alcohol free death.]

Alcohol. Do you drink alcohol?

[dogsled]

No. No, I prefer milk.

[ferrisbuellean]

Can you even order milk at bars?

[dogsled]

It may surprise you to know that there are some establishments fit only for that purpose.

[ferrisbuellean]

I mean aside from the Clockwork Orange.