001: first prayer, voice-video

[angelfire]

"If thou be the Son of God, cast thyself down from hence: For it is written, He shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee: And in their hands they shall bear thee up, lest at any time thou dash thy foot against a stone." Poor baby.

The prophets wrote that Jesus, having resurrected, first presented himself to Mary Magdalene, who did not recognize him. Well, that's a classical telling. 'The women' is a more accurate translation. So I did that. They had cookies. [ A thoughtful clucking sound is attached to the disassociated voice. ] Then he came down upon his disciples, and broke bread with them. Would you be surprised to know just how many Satanists there are in Florida? They were very accommodating.

[ The camera is turned upwards. Here, at last, is an (unfortunately) familiar face for those who have been here for a while. Lucifer doesn't look like much otherwise, just another steely eyed, rough featured imPort making his introductions. There are wounds healing on his - admittedly pale - face that look like they might have been some kind of deep tissue radiation burn. Still, he doesn't seem to be in any pain--he looks kind of cheerful. ]

I really don't know what I did to deserve a military escort, but I'm more than happy to know that I've engendered such respect in the human population here. Well--respect; fear; one is so very much like the other.

Now then, why don't we start with some introductions. [ He tapped his lip with one finger, considering where to start. ] I have a number of names, most largely unnecessary, but Lucifer will do. For the uneducated amongst you, that means I'm an archangel. For the heathens--well, sucks to be you; you have fun with that. [ The amusement is clear in the crinkles about his eyes. ] Furthermore, I'm delighted to announce that very soon I'll be usurping the airtime of a televangelist near you. Television exposure, a sponsorship from DRV Games, the adoration of my fans-- [ He drawls, it's difficult to tell whether or not he's being sarcastic: ] It's like a dream come true.

Oh, and Dean? Hello darling. Let's have a little chat, shall we? Happy belated Easter, chickens.

Comments

[angelfire]

Yes, look at you.

[ Making deals with the devil. Jeff! ]

I think we could come to some sort of arrangement. Why not--after all, with a captive audience, what harm in sharing the spoils.

[ferrisbuellean]

[He's a former defense attorney, he was sided with the devil long ago. Mwahahaha. But no seriously he doesn't even care so long as he keeps everyone on his good side for now.]

Exactly my point. imPorts have to stick together, right? You give me some air time, I give you some air time. And if you ever need any legal help, I got your back.

[angelfire]

Deal.

[ Sorry, dear, did you think that he wouldn't hold you to that? The added bit that he'd get his back if he needed legal help--he likes that. In a single gesture he's earned himself a lawyer to call at any moment for legal advice. And all he had to do was be a bit intimidating. ]

I can tell that this is just the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

[ferrisbuellean]

[Oh, he's hoping you hold him to that. The more clients he gets the better, just... don't expect freebies. Sorry, bro.]

I hope so. You and I are gonna make it big.

[Climbing to the top no matter what.]

So be honest with me here, you really stand by the whole Lucifer archangel thing?

[angelfire]

With my help, how could you fail?

[ He pauses long enough to raise an eyebrow at Jeff's question, just giving him a totally nonplussed look. ] Really? What does your instinct say?

[ferrisbuellean]

My instinct? I don't tend to go in for that. But if you want honesty, well... [You've come to the wrong guy for that. But actually he's happy enough to speak his mind.]

I think you got the air of a guy who might murder everyone in sight, and by the looks of it you've got a lot of people here nervous. I don't hold much stock in religion myself, don't know enough about it, but I guess if you really are who you say you are, then this place is nuts for bringing you here. [Beat.] No offence.

Oh and for the record, you really will need a lawyer if you go an a rampage.

[angelfire]

Someone is jonesing for an apocalypse, certainly, but don't you worry about me murdering everyone in sight. It really isn't my style.

[ He'll just get someone else to do it. ]

[ferrisbuellean]

All right. Good. Because I don't think even I could get you out of genocide charges.

[angelfire]

Sure you could.

After all, I'm so old that I know whether the chicken or the egg came first. I can't be expected to be beholden to the same laws.

[ferrisbuellean]

You're probably right. Give me an evening and a bible and I'd come up with something. Kind of a slow read though.

[angelfire]

Tell me about it. Not to mention it skips all the good bits.

[ferrisbuellean]

Pretty sure you get cast as the villain too.

[angelfire]

That's fine with me. In the remake, I get to be incredibly good at battleship.

[ferrisbuellean]

No kidding, I was always pretty great at that game too.

[angelfire]

It's a much more valuable skill. And seriously, who plays chess any more?

[ferrisbuellean]

Nerds and old people.

[angelfire]

So you play chess too, don't you?

[ferrisbuellean]

[Amused eye roll.]

Nice burn, but no. I don't.

If we're talking old, then I'd assume you did. But I guess sitting down to a game of chess is more Death's shtick.

[angelfire]

It is--and I tell you, that guy is old. If he stayed still too long moss would grow on him.

[ Cocky little archangel badmouthing Death. Where does he get the balls to go and do a thing like that? Oh wait. ]

[ferrisbuellean]

Yeah, well I'd prefer to keep Death in my good books, thanks very much. Y'know, mortal soul and all.

[angelfire]

If you insist. But you know, he isn't Santa Claus. You can't convince him to spare you because you're just such a good boy.

[ferrisbuellean]

It's worth a shot. At this point in time I'm just trying to age gracefully. [Really, really hates getting old, kthx. His youthful good looks and well-chiselled abs are all he has.]

[angelfire]

Something else you can blame God for; I had nothing to do with it.

[ferrisbuellean]

Yeah, still not sure I'm going in for the whole belief in God thing. This place doesn't prove any religion is real or right, it just proves that it's one big shitshow.

[angelfire]

It's hard to disbelieve something when you've seen it with your own eyes.