maskormenace

video

Hullo, everyone. It's Kitty. I've not been around for a little while, but - I'm back now. In Heropa. And, erm - just for anyone who cares - both Mandrake and Bartimaeus have gone home. So I'm the only one left from my world now.

[ Her expression following that announcement is a mixture of disgust (because that sounded dreary and pathetic, didn't it) and sadness. Then, with a little shake of her head (you can practically hear her telling herself to stiffen her upper lip) she continues on: ]

Right. So - all right. I recently made a rumblr - that's an account on the website rumblr-dot-com - and I've actually managed to get quite a few followers. It turns out people are completely mad for having imPorts friended on social media. Anyway, it's actually really great - there are lots of really worthy causes out there, and when I pick them up they get spread around pretty nicely. It keeps this celebrity thing from being overbearingly stupid. I generally ask my followers to bring causes to my attention. This week I'm trying to help raise funds for maintaining latrines in areas where people practice open defecation. A lack of proper sanitation is linked incredibly closely to higher rates of infant mortality and shorter lifespans, but a billion people in the world live without access to it. And it doesn't take all that much money to make a change. So I'm trying to raise funds for that this week. Next week, we're going to be taking a look at raising money to help with mass deworming.

My rumblr is called 'therealkittyjones,' if anyone wants to follow me.

I'm also looking for people to help out with some fundraising for these causes. I've been in touch with a radio station, and I'm thinking we ought to do a celebrity version of two truths and a lie - in honor of all that rubbish at the last swear-in, you know. What happens is you come onto the program and you give me two true statements and one lie. Listeners go online and they wager five dollars on which one's the lie. If they get it right, they get an autographed picture of you, and if they get it wrong then their money just goes to charity. You'll also put up some of your own money, and if I manage to guess on-air which one's the lie you have to donate too. I've gotten asks for some of the imPorts in particular - [ She leans forward and clicks to another window on her communicator, her eyes moving as she reads. ] So, Superman, Mr Stark, Mr Hundred, Mr Wayne, Mr Gamagori, Mr Taylor, Mr Xanatos, Mr Callaghan, consider yourselves called out - you know, reading off all those men, I just realized how sexist my followers are, eurgh. There are a few women on this list too, but not nearly enough. Olivier, Sabriel, Power Girl...Actually, you know, pretty much everybody's interesting to the locals. I think all of you are on here, the list is like five pages long. We've just got far too many men here, haven't we?

[ And she sits back, her eyes focusing as she comes back to the window of her webcam. ]

Anyway, it'll only take about an hour of your time, and it's for a good cause. A series of good causes. Plus you'll get to talk about yourself, and I've never met anyone who wasn't at least a little bit obsessed with themselves. So...let me know if you're interested and I'll set up all the details.

Right. Anyway, thanks for listening.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

No. There were other reasons, too.

[ She leans forward a little bit and speaks very frankly. ]

Things are tense between us and the locals, and they're getting worse all the time. I think if they have access to us, we'll be less mysterious. And fewer secrets means less fear.

[ D'Artagnan lets out a sigh. That's true, he supposes. He drags his hand through his hair and looks at her. ]

And not a lot of people could talk you down if what you're talking about is charity.

All right. If you think it'll help, and that anyone would care, I'll answer questions for you. So long as I don't have to use a computer.

[ He's only just about used to this little device. A computer is a whole other world. ]

[ Her smile quirks up at the edges. ]

Still having trouble with it?

I’m learning.

[ A pause. ]

Slowly. I still can’t get used to it going off at night. And half the time I forget to take it with me. I don’t know how that’s so natural to all of you.

[ With a little grin: ]

Well, being a girl is terribly helpful for getting in the habit. We're always learning to tuck new things into our purses. But I suppose that's of no help to you whatsoever.

You can turn it off at night, though, you know. There's no harm in that.

It turns off?

[ He should have known that. It hasn't been off since he got it. He presses the same buttons all the time, never deviating from what he knows. He'd been more experimental at first, but for the last while, he's been convinced there was no need for that because he knew what he was doing.

Clearly, he was mistaken. ]

Perhaps you could show me? You're making me wish I'd asked long ago.

[ But of course, when he felt unsure with it, his pride would not let him ask. That's a hazard of being d'Artagnan, unfortunately. ]

[ Oh you sweet thing, she does not say, because she knows boys and she knows how boys react to things like that. Oh, but she does think it. She very much thinks it. ]

Oh, yeah! Of course. Here - there's a button on the right side, at the very top. You've probably just been tapping it to make the screen go dark. Do you know the one I mean?

Yes.

[ Immediately, and with some consternation. ]

Because I pushed it and thought that turned it off, and then woke up at 3.01 in the morning because it was not, actually, off.

Have I mentioned I’m not fond of these things?

[ She giggles - and then immediately apologizes - ]

I'm sorry! It's not funny, really it's not. It's terribly frustrating. I just sympathize.

You've got to hold the button down. Then an icon will come up on the screen; you've got to drag it to the right, and that'll turn it off.

[ He doesn’t blame her for laughing. He’s found the funny side of it himself in the days afterwards – though on the morning itself, he’d not been laughing at all. ]

So it does something different when you hold it down. [ Said in the driest voice, to point out that this is a nonsensical way of making things, and whoever built it ought to be ashamed of themselves. ] All right. I’ll remember that, thank you. Any other tips?

Mm -

[ She nods, but with a wry smile. ]

I have got some things that might help you out, but...They're sort of technologically complicated. It might be better if you brought me your phone and just let me - sort of - set it up for you.

[ Thank God for that. He was afraid she would give him more instructions to botch. He both sounds and looks relieved. ]

Would you? I would be grateful. If it's left to me, I'm sure I'll end up breaking it in frustration.

I've been tempted more than once.

[ Her smile broadens into a grin. But there's nothing mean in it: she's not laughing at him so much as simply charmed by his self-deprecation. So, prompted by her affection by him, she gets quite chatty: ]

Bring it when you come for driving lessons. I'll show you how to navigate to places, which I use all the time, it's really a life-saver. I can also get you an app that a friend of mine developed for imPorts - you put in the prices of things that you're used to and it uses that to calculate what the approximate exchange rate would be into your currency, so that you can mentally tell whether something is expensive or not based on a currency you're used to. It's seriously a life-saver, because who even knows whether or not something's expensive when they give the price in dollars? There's also a piece of software that gives meanings of common American idioms, which I really like. Um, what else - Do you like listening to music?

[ This is so much more than he was expecting. He's taken enough by her offer of maps, but the currency exchange sounds like a good idea too. He never has any idea of how much something is worth here. ]

Music?

I don't...

I enjoy music well enough. I hear it rarely, unless a musician has come to court. But that aside, what you're suggesting - I'd like all of that. Maps and money, in particular. I think Athos would be grateful if we'd more of an idea where we were going.

[ A nod. Cheerily: ]

I'll think of others to add on there. And I will install some music - all sorts of different genres - and you'll tell me what sort you like, and I'll try to find more for you. And as a personal favor, I won't install Candy Smash. That game is awful.

[ A thoughtful pause, full of possibilities. ]

I do like games.

[ How would one play games on devices like this? Games makes him think of cards. Or target practice, with a watermelon. Dark, dusty alleys with men who aren’t here and whose company he misses. ]

I want to see what you like. [ He means the music, but he’ll take the games as well. ] I don’t know enough about this world to understand the half of it, but I’d like to.

[ That earns him a broad smile, and an approving: ]

Good attitude.

[ Though she has got to give fair warning. ]

You didn't ever have a weakness for gambling, though, right? Just so I know what games to find for you. There are some of them that are really exploitative of the sorts of people who've got a love for gambling.

Me? [ He smiles, thinking of Porthos. ] That was never my vice, and if it were, losing to my friends would have cured me of it. You need have no fear of that.

[ But he looks at her, curiously. Getting to know what makes Kitty Jones tick is an interesting process. ]

Why? Are you a gambler at heart?

Oh, God, no.

[ She shakes her head fiercely - with perhaps a bit too much ferocity considering that she essentially just asked him the same question. ]

If it'd been my vice, watching the people around me going into debtor's prison would have cured me of it. No.

[ Anyway. Relaxing a little: ]

If that's the case, I won't have to be careful about the games I give you. That's good.

You have particular prisons, just for debtors?

[ He looks somewhere between horrified, and fascinated. That sort of facility is after his time, sadly. ]

Ours go to the same jails as everyone else. Even that has changed. Everything has changed.

Anyway. You should give me your favourites, since obviously, I'm going to have to ask you how to play them in the first place.

Oh - [ She hastens to clarify: ] They haven't got debtors' prisons here. In my home world. And in the history of this place, too. But not now. Which is good. [ And she follows that with a smile, because they're talking about games on their phones, damn it. This is a fun conversation. ]

And I absolutely will. My absolute favorite is a game called Trivia Addict. I'm still completely rotten at it, because I'm new to this world, naturally, so I don't know who on earth most of the people they ask about are, but I'm learning so much in the process of losing. You should play me - I can certainly beat you, which will be a nice change of pace.

Trivia, about this world?

[ She just heard him assume that debtors prisons were here, didn't she? He's going to be absolutely awful at any of the sort.

He knows this, and even knowing it, he still can't resist the competition. ]

I suppose I have to learn sometime. Is that how you've managed to know so much?

[ Because really, what doesn't Kitty Jones know? She's nothing if not informed. ]

So much?

[ She gives a little laugh. ]

Oh, hardly! I hardly know a hundred thousandth of everything I want to learn. But...Mostly I've learned things by reading.

Every question I’ve had here, you’ve had an answer. Or a theory.

[ He hasn’t forgotten it. Kitty Jones has known what she’s talking about since day one, and she’s remarkably humble about it. ]

Don’t tell me that’s nothing.

[ Another laugh. ]

Sure. But that's just a mark of how outspoken I am, isn't it? Most people are too embarrassed to voice their thoughts. I haven't got any shame.

video

mousquetaire - 2015-09-08 02:48 (UTC) - Expand

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only