maskormenace

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Hullo, everyone. It's Kitty. I've not been around for a little while, but - I'm back now. In Heropa. And, erm - just for anyone who cares - both Mandrake and Bartimaeus have gone home. So I'm the only one left from my world now.

[ Her expression following that announcement is a mixture of disgust (because that sounded dreary and pathetic, didn't it) and sadness. Then, with a little shake of her head (you can practically hear her telling herself to stiffen her upper lip) she continues on: ]

Right. So - all right. I recently made a rumblr - that's an account on the website rumblr-dot-com - and I've actually managed to get quite a few followers. It turns out people are completely mad for having imPorts friended on social media. Anyway, it's actually really great - there are lots of really worthy causes out there, and when I pick them up they get spread around pretty nicely. It keeps this celebrity thing from being overbearingly stupid. I generally ask my followers to bring causes to my attention. This week I'm trying to help raise funds for maintaining latrines in areas where people practice open defecation. A lack of proper sanitation is linked incredibly closely to higher rates of infant mortality and shorter lifespans, but a billion people in the world live without access to it. And it doesn't take all that much money to make a change. So I'm trying to raise funds for that this week. Next week, we're going to be taking a look at raising money to help with mass deworming.

My rumblr is called 'therealkittyjones,' if anyone wants to follow me.

I'm also looking for people to help out with some fundraising for these causes. I've been in touch with a radio station, and I'm thinking we ought to do a celebrity version of two truths and a lie - in honor of all that rubbish at the last swear-in, you know. What happens is you come onto the program and you give me two true statements and one lie. Listeners go online and they wager five dollars on which one's the lie. If they get it right, they get an autographed picture of you, and if they get it wrong then their money just goes to charity. You'll also put up some of your own money, and if I manage to guess on-air which one's the lie you have to donate too. I've gotten asks for some of the imPorts in particular - [ She leans forward and clicks to another window on her communicator, her eyes moving as she reads. ] So, Superman, Mr Stark, Mr Hundred, Mr Wayne, Mr Gamagori, Mr Taylor, Mr Xanatos, Mr Callaghan, consider yourselves called out - you know, reading off all those men, I just realized how sexist my followers are, eurgh. There are a few women on this list too, but not nearly enough. Olivier, Sabriel, Power Girl...Actually, you know, pretty much everybody's interesting to the locals. I think all of you are on here, the list is like five pages long. We've just got far too many men here, haven't we?

[ And she sits back, her eyes focusing as she comes back to the window of her webcam. ]

Anyway, it'll only take about an hour of your time, and it's for a good cause. A series of good causes. Plus you'll get to talk about yourself, and I've never met anyone who wasn't at least a little bit obsessed with themselves. So...let me know if you're interested and I'll set up all the details.

Right. Anyway, thanks for listening.

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Talking about myself for charity, huh? Okay, okay, I'm interested.

[ She raises a hand to her mouth, chuckling softly. ]

Just so you know, not all of us are Booster Gold. We like our privacy, too.

[ Waving that hand now. ]

But like you said: it's for a good cause and I can't turn that down.

For good causes. A bit of helpless pandering, public humiliation, and dignity hustling for a series of good causes. [Oh you know who will be listening to this, don't you? THIS GUY!!] What a wonderful combination of implicit guilt and peer pressure, to persuade your list for such a thing.

This is an awesome idea, Kitty.

[Also: CPNJESS STARTED FOLLOWING YOU.]

I doubt I'm on your list, but if you end up needing somebody extra, I'd do it.

[This is the point where Crane wishes he didn't know about these sites. Because he knows what will come; misaimed affection from young women who believe he is the way he is because of a terrible, traumatic childhood. They would reduce him to a sympathetic caricature. A mentally broken man. Just to assuage their loneliness and sense of self-worth; that a man like him would look at them twice. Not that so many would look at him, were he not cursed with his face. Oh, they were pathetic.

He flicks on the feed. Sitting in his apartment, with nothing but books all around, he looks more out of place than anything else. His hair is clean and pinned behind his ears, his shoes polished. He idly adjusts his cuffs. There's little he could do about the dark circles under his eyes, but his appearance isn't a personal concern.]

I'm not the type one finds on social media, Miss Jones. [Don't ask him. Please, please, please, please, please.] But I am pleased to see such dedication. Have you found plenty of volunteers for your experiment?

[Despite her cool exterior, Riza was actually quite the altruist. Her continued dedication to the military that she'd grown to distrust--at best--was largely the result of protecting others from the same fate as she.

So she's kind of on board with the cause, Kitty. She folds her hands and leans in towards the camera, curious.]

Would one be able to donate without participating in the game?

Aaaaand followed. Enjoy seeing 'immortaldoriangray' on your follower list.

[ fun fact: Dorian's rumblr is pretty much 50% selfies. :| and yes, he is mostly posting this to gauge Kitty's reaction because their last interaction involved corpseface ]

"Rumblr?" Is that what all the kids are into here?

[Because that doesn't make him sound old at all.]

Anyway, I'm not anyone people would be dying to hear things about, but I'd be very happy to donate.

You weren't around? [ NOT THAT HE'S CONCERNED OR ANYTHING ] Where were you?

Why don't I just go out and...make some with you?

[ Celebrity fundraising. Really?

Really? ]

So we're famous now, are we? I can't believe there's enough people out there who'd care what we think. I like your idea, helping people like that. But if we're all supposed to be that rich, I must be missing a trick.

If you're full up on male participants, then I'd be happy to at least give some money and any help you may need setting the whole thing up. It seems like you're going to have quite the busy day.

[which is great for a fundraiser, and he's pleased to hear it. every good cause deserves attention and as much help as can be given.]

Hope you had a good time blessing the rains down in Africa.

[it's a jab at both her having been 'away' and all these asinine causes. like holy shit, this was the kind of thing that trust fund kids puts on their college applications to make them seem well-rounded and conscientious.

Hazel really should know better than to engage with people she doesn't strictly get along with unless it's absolutely necessary, but that's a lesson that she has just refused to learn yet. compared to the necromancers and fellow undead she goes at, what's Kitty Jones?]

[ **digital4ever** started following you

What follows that is a like and reblog of EVERY SINGLE POST Kitty has put on her blog. About 50% of the time there's a colorful reaction gif possibly featuring cute animals tacked on the end. ]

If Mr. Xanatos refuses, I shall try my best to browbeat him into participating.

I wouldn't object to helping out a worthy cause. Sign me up.

Not sure how, but you appear to have forgotten my name on that list.

Yes.

wait hold up so youre saying
you have a blog
a popular blog where you could conceivably write about whatever the hell you want and chumps will trip over themselves to read it because of some whim of fate where you can fart superpowers or whatever
and you use that platform to broadcast your opinions about shit??
LITERAL shit

thats fucking incredible

[Jacob has a wry look on his face.]

I might be the wrong kind of 'interesting' to the locals for what you're looking for. But if you think you can use me, I'll be happy to pitch in. I'm supposed to be doing community service right now, anyway.

I'd do it.

Isn't that a good thing? [ He pauses, then clarifying: ] Bein' the only one here left, I know I couldn't stand having people I know from home hanging out around me here.

[ He even means that. Maybe. ]

Who'd seriously donate money for that? What charity?

[ID reads WILD TIGER]

....I guess that could be fun. And it's for charity, so--I'm in.

I'd like to help.

With the radio show and whatever else you'd need in the future. Maybe I should get a rumblr, too...

[Minato trails off speculatively. He's not a household name or anything like that, but around Heropa and De Chima some of the locals have started recognizing him-- he shows up at every major crisis and helps rescue civilians competently and calmly. So he's pretty obscure but probably has a few fans.]

[Oh, Professor callaghan on that list. That'll be interesting.]

When will the show be? I don't know if I can help but I'd like to listen either way.

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