maskormenace

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Hullo, everyone. It's Kitty. I've not been around for a little while, but - I'm back now. In Heropa. And, erm - just for anyone who cares - both Mandrake and Bartimaeus have gone home. So I'm the only one left from my world now.

[ Her expression following that announcement is a mixture of disgust (because that sounded dreary and pathetic, didn't it) and sadness. Then, with a little shake of her head (you can practically hear her telling herself to stiffen her upper lip) she continues on: ]

Right. So - all right. I recently made a rumblr - that's an account on the website rumblr-dot-com - and I've actually managed to get quite a few followers. It turns out people are completely mad for having imPorts friended on social media. Anyway, it's actually really great - there are lots of really worthy causes out there, and when I pick them up they get spread around pretty nicely. It keeps this celebrity thing from being overbearingly stupid. I generally ask my followers to bring causes to my attention. This week I'm trying to help raise funds for maintaining latrines in areas where people practice open defecation. A lack of proper sanitation is linked incredibly closely to higher rates of infant mortality and shorter lifespans, but a billion people in the world live without access to it. And it doesn't take all that much money to make a change. So I'm trying to raise funds for that this week. Next week, we're going to be taking a look at raising money to help with mass deworming.

My rumblr is called 'therealkittyjones,' if anyone wants to follow me.

I'm also looking for people to help out with some fundraising for these causes. I've been in touch with a radio station, and I'm thinking we ought to do a celebrity version of two truths and a lie - in honor of all that rubbish at the last swear-in, you know. What happens is you come onto the program and you give me two true statements and one lie. Listeners go online and they wager five dollars on which one's the lie. If they get it right, they get an autographed picture of you, and if they get it wrong then their money just goes to charity. You'll also put up some of your own money, and if I manage to guess on-air which one's the lie you have to donate too. I've gotten asks for some of the imPorts in particular - [ She leans forward and clicks to another window on her communicator, her eyes moving as she reads. ] So, Superman, Mr Stark, Mr Hundred, Mr Wayne, Mr Gamagori, Mr Taylor, Mr Xanatos, Mr Callaghan, consider yourselves called out - you know, reading off all those men, I just realized how sexist my followers are, eurgh. There are a few women on this list too, but not nearly enough. Olivier, Sabriel, Power Girl...Actually, you know, pretty much everybody's interesting to the locals. I think all of you are on here, the list is like five pages long. We've just got far too many men here, haven't we?

[ And she sits back, her eyes focusing as she comes back to the window of her webcam. ]

Anyway, it'll only take about an hour of your time, and it's for a good cause. A series of good causes. Plus you'll get to talk about yourself, and I've never met anyone who wasn't at least a little bit obsessed with themselves. So...let me know if you're interested and I'll set up all the details.

Right. Anyway, thanks for listening.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Well, same to you. A lot less grief with my version -- I don't know why you're so obsessed with torturing yourself.

Torturing myself? I don't torture myself.

Why would you wanna remember a better life that you can't have anymore or do anything about when you go back to your own shitty world? Even subconsciously. That's like... like hell.

Why wouldn't I want to know that there are brilliant possibilities?

[ She shakes her head. ]

Dissatisfaction is far better than despair. Despair is what kills you. It lets you lay down and die. But dissatisfaction, knowing things can get better? That gives you energy.

[ He frowns, then says bluntly: ]

That's stupid, they aren't possibilities. Sometimes things just stay bad and you gotta live with it -- the world doesn't care if you're dissatisfied or not.

That's why you make the world care.

... Like that ever actually works.

[ He looks vaguely uncomfortable for a moment, so he adds: ]

I'm just sayin'. If we're actually here for any reason, it sure as hell ain't to learn lessons to bring back home. That'd be the worst.

Yeah, except that if we're here for any reason implies that someone had a purpose in bringing us here. And I don't know about you, but I don't really care about anyone's purpose but my own. Do you care about the reason you were brought here?

[ She's wearing her Defiant Kitty Face. It looks very similar to the face she made before she started making out with Reggie, because peevishness always spurs her on to action. ]

No.

[ He says it adamantly, his nose wrinkling. Something about her always seems to provoke risky escalations of argument he manages to avoid with almost everyone else. Darn it, Kitty. ]

If there was a reason I don't wanna know anything about it. What good's it do?

[ With a bit of satisfaction: ]

Exactly. So I'm going to get what I want to get out of this experience, because I don't believe in doing what other people want me to do. And what I want to get is the ability to be even better at accomplishing what I want to.

[ ... Ugh. Dammit. ]

Hey, I'm not here to stop you from wasting your own time. What I don't believe in is keeping my mouth shut when something seems dumb, sad, and pointless, that's all.

And I'm glad you don't. Because when you open your mouth, I can see exactly where you're wrong, and I can argue you down.

You wanting to argue with me doesn't make me wrong. I think you just like arguing.

Both things can be true. I can argue both because you're wrong and because I like it.

There's no argument to have in the first place if you didn't think I was wrong, so that's still crap -- don't make it true. I can think whatever I want about the world and your life ain't my life, so what do you know about right or wrong? You sure as hell don't get to decide.

Because the point of arguing isn't me deciding for you or anyone deciding for anyone. It's making people think about things. Obviously. And don't pretend you don't like arguing with me, too.

Well, I know I'm definitely thinkin' about how stupid this still sounds, so I guess I gotta give you that one.

And sure. But I like arguing with anyone, what we got is nothin' that special.

Yeah, don't think for a moment that it's special to me, either. You're fun to argue with, but there are plenty of people who are more fun.

Why, 'cause they give up quick and start groveling at your feet?

No, because they're better at it than you are. In case you haven't noticed, I don't like people who give up easy.

You always get awfully mad every time for someone who doesn't. Or do you like bein' mad, too? Are you bein' deliberately ridiculous with all your self-righteous crap just so you can get your rocks off making a debate outta it?

That seems like giving you too much credit, though.

No. I like being made to think. Which you're quite mediocre at, really.

Hey, that isn't my responsibility. It ain't my fault you didn't get a high school education.

[ Oh, you piece of shit. ]

Yeah, except that you're not even capable of stimulating thought in someone with my low education level. So that actually is quite humiliating for you.

[ Just when it seems like maybe he won't take the cheap shot... ]

Yeah, 'cause I'm clearly livin' for making people think. I care so much about changing the world through educating the underprivileged, starving drop-outs. No way does that sound way more embarrassing than being called stupid.

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