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Hullo, everyone. It's Kitty. I've not been around for a little while, but - I'm back now. In Heropa. And, erm - just for anyone who cares - both Mandrake and Bartimaeus have gone home. So I'm the only one left from my world now.

[ Her expression following that announcement is a mixture of disgust (because that sounded dreary and pathetic, didn't it) and sadness. Then, with a little shake of her head (you can practically hear her telling herself to stiffen her upper lip) she continues on: ]

Right. So - all right. I recently made a rumblr - that's an account on the website rumblr-dot-com - and I've actually managed to get quite a few followers. It turns out people are completely mad for having imPorts friended on social media. Anyway, it's actually really great - there are lots of really worthy causes out there, and when I pick them up they get spread around pretty nicely. It keeps this celebrity thing from being overbearingly stupid. I generally ask my followers to bring causes to my attention. This week I'm trying to help raise funds for maintaining latrines in areas where people practice open defecation. A lack of proper sanitation is linked incredibly closely to higher rates of infant mortality and shorter lifespans, but a billion people in the world live without access to it. And it doesn't take all that much money to make a change. So I'm trying to raise funds for that this week. Next week, we're going to be taking a look at raising money to help with mass deworming.

My rumblr is called 'therealkittyjones,' if anyone wants to follow me.

I'm also looking for people to help out with some fundraising for these causes. I've been in touch with a radio station, and I'm thinking we ought to do a celebrity version of two truths and a lie - in honor of all that rubbish at the last swear-in, you know. What happens is you come onto the program and you give me two true statements and one lie. Listeners go online and they wager five dollars on which one's the lie. If they get it right, they get an autographed picture of you, and if they get it wrong then their money just goes to charity. You'll also put up some of your own money, and if I manage to guess on-air which one's the lie you have to donate too. I've gotten asks for some of the imPorts in particular - [ She leans forward and clicks to another window on her communicator, her eyes moving as she reads. ] So, Superman, Mr Stark, Mr Hundred, Mr Wayne, Mr Gamagori, Mr Taylor, Mr Xanatos, Mr Callaghan, consider yourselves called out - you know, reading off all those men, I just realized how sexist my followers are, eurgh. There are a few women on this list too, but not nearly enough. Olivier, Sabriel, Power Girl...Actually, you know, pretty much everybody's interesting to the locals. I think all of you are on here, the list is like five pages long. We've just got far too many men here, haven't we?

[ And she sits back, her eyes focusing as she comes back to the window of her webcam. ]

Anyway, it'll only take about an hour of your time, and it's for a good cause. A series of good causes. Plus you'll get to talk about yourself, and I've never met anyone who wasn't at least a little bit obsessed with themselves. So...let me know if you're interested and I'll set up all the details.

Right. Anyway, thanks for listening.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ His eyebrow quirks, but Reggie relaxes to an extent, more glad for the out now than mad about having to concede any point. ]

Well, never said I was poor, did I?

Not that anyone with any self-respect's gonna just broadcast that crap if they are, either. People can have money and still go hungry, anyway.

[ With a frown - ]

What do you mean, no one with self-respect will broadcast it? What, is it suddenly shameful to be poor?

Uh, yeah -- sure as hell ain't something to take pride in.

[ Her chin starts jutting out in a fairly dangerous way. ]

And why is that?

[ He narrows his eyes combatively, at that. ]

You really have to ask? Oh-- wait, let me guess, you probably find it noble.

I don't find it anything. Poverty just is. And also, before you say anything even more asinine, do be aware that you're talking to someone who has gone hungry.

[ Now that just sounds like a challenge; he clenches his jaw, eyes narrowing decisively. ]

Oh, yeah, big surprise. So since you've experienced it we definitely oughta all just pull out our wallets and give 'til it hurts, who else is gonna know anything about good causes than someone who's gone hungry. That radio program must be psyched they get to work with the reigning expert on human suffering.

[ Her scowl deepens. ]

All right, first, go fuck yourself, Reggie. And second, yeah. Being a poor person actually does give you a better idea of what poor people need.

First of all, I don't have to. Second of all, if that's so true then there's no reason to get mad, right? You not likin' the way I say something don't make it wrong.

You were being sarcastic.

Not the whole time. Doesn't really change my point if you care about something only 'cause it's affected you.

I don't only care about it because it's affected me. The cause I care most about is ending slavery back home, and I'm not one of the enslaved. But honestly, even if I did only care about it because it had affected me, so what? All that would say is that I'm not great at thinking about things outside my personal experience. And what does that matter? It doesn't reduce the fact that this matters.

It don't matter really -- clears the whole thing up a little more, though. That's just how people are, though for some reason no one likes admitting it. Same reasons most charity can't be trusted and most people won't be assed to give to it, but you probably know that already too.

Yeah, do I need to remind you of how much money I've raised? 'Cause I can do that.

Yeah, more than enough that you can afford share the wealth -- as I recall. What'd they even think they were giving money to?

They knew what they were giving money to. Because people are decent and generous.

Or they got enough money already that it soothes their conscience to part with some. What was it them other times, anyway?

What other times? Are you asking what they were donating to?

Edited 2015-08-29 04:19 (UTC)

Bingo. I wanna hear about all these great causes you got tucked under your belt.

[ Warily: ]

Okay. Well - three weeks ago, I was supporting a foundation that gives small business loans to women in Africa.

Oh brother.

Well, I guess it'll look good on a college application. Assuming you even got any funds left over for yourself and don't just use all the money you ever get on yet more charities people ain't even asking for.

There are plenty of people asking for these charities, and I'm not going to go to college, am I.

Uh huh. Right. Thank goodness you're here for all of 'em then, I dunno what anyone would do without you.

[ He sneers mildly, though humorlessly; his eyebrows are arched in a way that suggests something closer to irritation. ]

'Cause you don't see the point, or is that some matter of principle for you too?

[ Ugh. Of all the people she doesn't want to discuss this with...Well. She decides to just say this aggressively, because if she's not ashamed of it he can't shame her, right? ]

I haven't even got a high school education. They're not going to admit me into university.

Pfft. Well, me either, but they let you finish here too, y'know. And if not, that's what GEDs are for.

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