maskormenace

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Hullo, everyone. It's Kitty. I've not been around for a little while, but - I'm back now. In Heropa. And, erm - just for anyone who cares - both Mandrake and Bartimaeus have gone home. So I'm the only one left from my world now.

[ Her expression following that announcement is a mixture of disgust (because that sounded dreary and pathetic, didn't it) and sadness. Then, with a little shake of her head (you can practically hear her telling herself to stiffen her upper lip) she continues on: ]

Right. So - all right. I recently made a rumblr - that's an account on the website rumblr-dot-com - and I've actually managed to get quite a few followers. It turns out people are completely mad for having imPorts friended on social media. Anyway, it's actually really great - there are lots of really worthy causes out there, and when I pick them up they get spread around pretty nicely. It keeps this celebrity thing from being overbearingly stupid. I generally ask my followers to bring causes to my attention. This week I'm trying to help raise funds for maintaining latrines in areas where people practice open defecation. A lack of proper sanitation is linked incredibly closely to higher rates of infant mortality and shorter lifespans, but a billion people in the world live without access to it. And it doesn't take all that much money to make a change. So I'm trying to raise funds for that this week. Next week, we're going to be taking a look at raising money to help with mass deworming.

My rumblr is called 'therealkittyjones,' if anyone wants to follow me.

I'm also looking for people to help out with some fundraising for these causes. I've been in touch with a radio station, and I'm thinking we ought to do a celebrity version of two truths and a lie - in honor of all that rubbish at the last swear-in, you know. What happens is you come onto the program and you give me two true statements and one lie. Listeners go online and they wager five dollars on which one's the lie. If they get it right, they get an autographed picture of you, and if they get it wrong then their money just goes to charity. You'll also put up some of your own money, and if I manage to guess on-air which one's the lie you have to donate too. I've gotten asks for some of the imPorts in particular - [ She leans forward and clicks to another window on her communicator, her eyes moving as she reads. ] So, Superman, Mr Stark, Mr Hundred, Mr Wayne, Mr Gamagori, Mr Taylor, Mr Xanatos, Mr Callaghan, consider yourselves called out - you know, reading off all those men, I just realized how sexist my followers are, eurgh. There are a few women on this list too, but not nearly enough. Olivier, Sabriel, Power Girl...Actually, you know, pretty much everybody's interesting to the locals. I think all of you are on here, the list is like five pages long. We've just got far too many men here, haven't we?

[ And she sits back, her eyes focusing as she comes back to the window of her webcam. ]

Anyway, it'll only take about an hour of your time, and it's for a good cause. A series of good causes. Plus you'll get to talk about yourself, and I've never met anyone who wasn't at least a little bit obsessed with themselves. So...let me know if you're interested and I'll set up all the details.

Right. Anyway, thanks for listening.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ His favorite hobby. Or one of them, anyway. ]

What, no shit? [ If he sounds at all impressed, it's because he's a gold-digger. ] For this, or are you running some other scam on the side?

[ Ughhhhhhhhh. ]

For this. This is the seventh charity I've promoted, and all in all my followers have donated almost ten thousand to various causes.

[ His eyebrow raises opportunistically without him even noticing. ]

Interesting. Interesting. [ He nods thoughtfully. ] Think I get where you're coming from with this now.

[ Jesus, if Reggie is agreeing with her, he's either got the wrong idea of what she's about or she needs to re-evaluate what she's doing very quickly. ]

Yeah? And where am I coming from?

[ He gestures outwardly with a matter-of-fact flick of his wrist. ]

Hey, no judgement here. If I was a waitress I'd wanna find a good racket to supplement my income too.

[ That - Ugh! ]

I'm not stealing from charity!

It's not stealing if you're just taking what you're owed. Only idiots work for free, Kitty.

Ugh. I'm not taking anything. I'd bloody hope you'd know better than to think I'd take advantage of unsuspecting people like that.

I do know better -- I was just hoping for once I might be wrong.

[ He even seems vaguely disappointed. ]

God forbid you ever do anything that doesn't do the whole damn rest of the world a favor.

[ She deliberately drawls, nearly straining herself with the effort to show how contemptuous she is: ]

Oh, I'm sorry. This must be quite hard for you to stomach. I know how disgusting altruism is.

I really don't think you do. I mean, not that it has to be -- what's that they say about how charity starts at home?

Uh huh. Well, we've already established that I'm not about to start with myself, so...Are you asking for charity, Reggie?

It isn't classy to ask for it. But y'know -- maybe it'll help make me a better person. Little stability can go a long way.

Dream on, Mantle. If you're wealthy enough to afford that poncy little outfit you're wearing right now, you're wealthy enough to be called stable.

Hey. What did you just call me? [ He's all ready to take offense, but isn't sure yet if he needs to. British people are so weird. ] Just 'cause I know how to dress myself don't make me rich, I still gotta work for my money.

[ She ignores his request for more information. ]

Yeah, but when you work, you get enough money, yeah? I'm sort of focused on the people who need help, not the people who just sort of want it.

[ Now he's just going to assume it was an insult. ]

Hardly -- "enough's" all relative. No one likes not having money, not just those people you're hand-picking as worthy.

Yeah? Have you gone without it?

[ That's not actually as judgmental as it might seem. She's actually asking for information's sake, not as a challenge. For once. ]

[ Reggie's eyebrow quirks upward, but he seems to be without an immediately response. After a moment he shrugs his shoulders, but it's still a few moments more before he finally says anything. ]

Sure, comparatively. Some things here are bound to be a step down, nowhere's perfect.

[ She tilts her head to the side. ]

Well, I don't know what you're comparing it to, so saying comparatively doesn't do me much good. Like - have you had to go without food?

Look, that's not-- [ It's a bit abrupt. After a pause, he continues more angrily: ] I just like having money, don't go reading into it. What the hell?

[ She narrows her eyes. ]

I'm not reading into anything. That's the divide between having money and not having money. The people who don't have money are the people who go hungry. If you don't have to go without food, then you have money.

[ His eyebrow quirks, but Reggie relaxes to an extent, more glad for the out now than mad about having to concede any point. ]

Well, never said I was poor, did I?

Not that anyone with any self-respect's gonna just broadcast that crap if they are, either. People can have money and still go hungry, anyway.

[ With a frown - ]

What do you mean, no one with self-respect will broadcast it? What, is it suddenly shameful to be poor?

Uh, yeah -- sure as hell ain't something to take pride in.

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