video

[rathercommon]

Hullo, everyone. It's Kitty. I've not been around for a little while, but - I'm back now. In Heropa. And, erm - just for anyone who cares - both Mandrake and Bartimaeus have gone home. So I'm the only one left from my world now.

[ Her expression following that announcement is a mixture of disgust (because that sounded dreary and pathetic, didn't it) and sadness. Then, with a little shake of her head (you can practically hear her telling herself to stiffen her upper lip) she continues on: ]

Right. So - all right. I recently made a rumblr - that's an account on the website rumblr-dot-com - and I've actually managed to get quite a few followers. It turns out people are completely mad for having imPorts friended on social media. Anyway, it's actually really great - there are lots of really worthy causes out there, and when I pick them up they get spread around pretty nicely. It keeps this celebrity thing from being overbearingly stupid. I generally ask my followers to bring causes to my attention. This week I'm trying to help raise funds for maintaining latrines in areas where people practice open defecation. A lack of proper sanitation is linked incredibly closely to higher rates of infant mortality and shorter lifespans, but a billion people in the world live without access to it. And it doesn't take all that much money to make a change. So I'm trying to raise funds for that this week. Next week, we're going to be taking a look at raising money to help with mass deworming.

My rumblr is called 'therealkittyjones,' if anyone wants to follow me.

I'm also looking for people to help out with some fundraising for these causes. I've been in touch with a radio station, and I'm thinking we ought to do a celebrity version of two truths and a lie - in honor of all that rubbish at the last swear-in, you know. What happens is you come onto the program and you give me two true statements and one lie. Listeners go online and they wager five dollars on which one's the lie. If they get it right, they get an autographed picture of you, and if they get it wrong then their money just goes to charity. You'll also put up some of your own money, and if I manage to guess on-air which one's the lie you have to donate too. I've gotten asks for some of the imPorts in particular - [ She leans forward and clicks to another window on her communicator, her eyes moving as she reads. ] So, Superman, Mr Stark, Mr Hundred, Mr Wayne, Mr Gamagori, Mr Taylor, Mr Xanatos, Mr Callaghan, consider yourselves called out - you know, reading off all those men, I just realized how sexist my followers are, eurgh. There are a few women on this list too, but not nearly enough. Olivier, Sabriel, Power Girl...Actually, you know, pretty much everybody's interesting to the locals. I think all of you are on here, the list is like five pages long. We've just got far too many men here, haven't we?

[ And she sits back, her eyes focusing as she comes back to the window of her webcam. ]

Anyway, it'll only take about an hour of your time, and it's for a good cause. A series of good causes. Plus you'll get to talk about yourself, and I've never met anyone who wasn't at least a little bit obsessed with themselves. So...let me know if you're interested and I'll set up all the details.

Right. Anyway, thanks for listening.

Comments

[slightlyoffchilt]

A few choice names come to mind, that might be suitable for such a public discussion.

[rathercommon]

Such as?

[ Sue her; she's curious. ]

[slightlyoffchilt]

Oh no, no. I won't expose them here, like this. There aren't any cameras.

[He thought it was funny, at least.]

Perhaps another time, Kitty. I'll leave you to your overt charity work, for now.

[rathercommon]

[ Eurgh! ]

Well, I'm not going to let you on without knowing what you're going to say first, am I!

[ A little huff. Then: ]

By the way, Raina wants to have dinner. She wants me to meet you formally.

[slightlyoffchilt]

Does she? [A bit uneasy:] Has she been listening to this conversation?

[A beat.]

I suppose such could be arranged. Are we thinking of a dinner party, or...?

[rathercommon]

[ Oh. That's an interesting question. So: ]

Yeah, I think a dinner party. Why, would you not want her to have heard this conversation?

[slightlyoffchilt]

I thought she was busy with her work, was all. Who are you thinking of accompanying you? Don't say Abduxel, I'm not sure if his pride could take it.

[rathercommon]

[ Oh. That question catches her a little flat-footed. There's a sharp spike of unhappiness that Mandrake isn't here, and this for the shallowest reason - he'd really be an ideal person to take along. He's well-spoken, witty, good-looking enough, well-mannered, and he can probably go on for hours on subjects that Dr Chilton would find interesting. He'd have been brilliant. He'd have been fun for Kitty to spend time with, too. Obviously, she wasn't interested in him in that way at all, and he wasn't interested in her either, just...It would have been good.

(And it's sort of weird that Kitty really does want to impress Chilton. It's just...She really likes Raina, and - she'd really not mind getting invited over to spend time with her more often.) ]

I hadn't really thought about it. I'll find someone.

[slightlyoffchilt]

[The surprise, the hesitance -- brief as they were -- inspired quiet interest on Chilton's part. He had assumed she had a list of potential suitors, and it was all but a matter of grabbing a name from a hat. While he wouldn't press the issue, he took note of it.

Maybe something to bring up later, perhaps if ever he found himself in conversational combat.]

I've no doubt you will. Feel free to give Raina or myself a call, when the details are sorted. I can go about reservations that way.

[rathercommon]

[ A breath, and a nod, and a very firm smile. ]

I'd love that. Though I think she might have been thinking that I'd come over to yours, or you to mine, rather than going to a restaurant.

[slightlyoffchilt]

[A beat.]

Did she tell you I'm vegan? I'm not sure if that would... Complicate home affairs.

[Vegan by necessity, not philosophical preference. It's difficult to stomach much protein when you're in your forties and missing a kidney and a significant amount of your intestinal track.]

[rathercommon]

[ Oh. That surprises Kitty - and actually raises Chilton a notch in her estimation. (She assumes it's an ethical decision.) ]

Oh, no! She didn't. But that'd be fine, actually. I can cook vegan. What made you decide to become one?

[slightlyoffchilt]

I was willing, and Abel --

[He stops, abruptly, simultaneously not wanting to get into the surgical torture he suffered, and realizing that Abel Gideon's name was the ideal punny exit.]

I find it the best way to live.

[Best by default, since he has such limited options here.]

[rathercommon]

Well -

[ A quick nod, and a little smile. ]

I know it's a very difficult thing to keep to. It's terribly respectable that you do.

[slightlyoffchilt]

I thought so too, yes.

[Well unless Raina spoils for his truer motivation, he was content to ride out this respectable carousel.]

But in that case, a more intimate setting works well.

[rathercommon]

Yeah. I think so, too.

[ She says that nicely enough, though immediately her voice turns stern - ]

But no talking on the radio about all of us being mad. I'm quite serious about that. All right?

[slightlyoffchilt]

I hesitate to make any promises insincerely, Kitty.

[rathercommon]

Well, then - you're just not invited.

[slightlyoffchilt]

Oh, darn. I suppose I can't take part of any of this now.

But it's good that you've put your foot down, that's indicative of spine.

[rathercommon]

Were...you not sure if I had one?

[slightlyoffchilt]

Only in a metaphorical sense.

[rathercommon]

I didn't think you meant in a literal sense. Dr Chilton, believe me, a lack of spine isn't my problem.

[slightlyoffchilt]

How would you frame your problem, then? Clarify the matter for me.

[rathercommon]

With all respect, Dr Chilton, I think I'll pass on that.

[slightlyoffchilt]

Another time, maybe.