maskormenace

Hullo, everyone. It's Kitty. I've not been around for a little while, but - I'm back now. In Heropa. And, erm - just for anyone who cares - both Mandrake and Bartimaeus have gone home. So I'm the only one left from my world now.

[ Her expression following that announcement is a mixture of disgust (because that sounded dreary and pathetic, didn't it) and sadness. Then, with a little shake of her head (you can practically hear her telling herself to stiffen her upper lip) she continues on: ]

Right. So - all right. I recently made a rumblr - that's an account on the website rumblr-dot-com - and I've actually managed to get quite a few followers. It turns out people are completely mad for having imPorts friended on social media. Anyway, it's actually really great - there are lots of really worthy causes out there, and when I pick them up they get spread around pretty nicely. It keeps this celebrity thing from being overbearingly stupid. I generally ask my followers to bring causes to my attention. This week I'm trying to help raise funds for maintaining latrines in areas where people practice open defecation. A lack of proper sanitation is linked incredibly closely to higher rates of infant mortality and shorter lifespans, but a billion people in the world live without access to it. And it doesn't take all that much money to make a change. So I'm trying to raise funds for that this week. Next week, we're going to be taking a look at raising money to help with mass deworming.

My rumblr is called 'therealkittyjones,' if anyone wants to follow me.

I'm also looking for people to help out with some fundraising for these causes. I've been in touch with a radio station, and I'm thinking we ought to do a celebrity version of two truths and a lie - in honor of all that rubbish at the last swear-in, you know. What happens is you come onto the program and you give me two true statements and one lie. Listeners go online and they wager five dollars on which one's the lie. If they get it right, they get an autographed picture of you, and if they get it wrong then their money just goes to charity. You'll also put up some of your own money, and if I manage to guess on-air which one's the lie you have to donate too. I've gotten asks for some of the imPorts in particular - [ She leans forward and clicks to another window on her communicator, her eyes moving as she reads. ] So, Superman, Mr Stark, Mr Hundred, Mr Wayne, Mr Gamagori, Mr Taylor, Mr Xanatos, Mr Callaghan, consider yourselves called out - you know, reading off all those men, I just realized how sexist my followers are, eurgh. There are a few women on this list too, but not nearly enough. Olivier, Sabriel, Power Girl...Actually, you know, pretty much everybody's interesting to the locals. I think all of you are on here, the list is like five pages long. We've just got far too many men here, haven't we?

[ And she sits back, her eyes focusing as she comes back to the window of her webcam. ]

Anyway, it'll only take about an hour of your time, and it's for a good cause. A series of good causes. Plus you'll get to talk about yourself, and I've never met anyone who wasn't at least a little bit obsessed with themselves. So...let me know if you're interested and I'll set up all the details.

Right. Anyway, thanks for listening.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'm hardly 'normal.'

Yeah, that's pretty bloody clear.

Anyway. Do you want to get back to the part where I'm threatening you?

Unsurprisingly, I kind of don't. I could threaten you instead-it'd introduce some variety.

Yeah, I'd love to see what pathetic threats you're capable of coming up with.

[ She says that so! sarcastically! But she actually is really curious, mixed in with all the anger. ]

Well, I've already called you a coward, don't think you'll respond at all to being called a child...

[ he puts his hand to his chin in mock thought before continuing on. ] I know! How about I simply remind you of how alone you are?

[ Oh. She wasn't expecting that, and for a moment there really is a flicker of hurt and surprise in her face - a little drooping of her chin, a flutter of her lips. But then she reminds herself that she doesn't have the right to feel hurt when she handed him the keys to hurting her - and her chin comes up again, twice as stubborn and twice as fierce. ]

That's not a threat. Don't you know what a threat is?

[ Bingo. That little flicker of hurt is enough for Dorian to pounce. ]

It's not a threat but it's the truth. You're alone here. You don't have Mandrake, you don't have Bartimeus, you're loud, obnoxious, and desperate for attention so I doubt you have any friends to begin with...and here's the threat for you, I'm going to keep it that way.

[ She scoffs - a noise that's maybe half-forced. She can't let him get to her. ]

Rubbish. You don't have any influence over who talks to me. You don't have any influence over anything.

I'm young, attractive, charismatic, and can lie my way through anything. You're a shrill little obnoxious girl.

I'm pretty sure that if it came to influence, I'd win.

[ Another, firmer scoff. ]

Well, I'd argue about the charisma. And I can take away the first two just by touching you. So that just leaves you as a liar, which isn't actually good for all that much.

It's good for more than you think. I survived a hundred and fifty plus years mostly based on lying.

Yeah, I'm sure it had nothing to do with the fact that you're literally immortal.

[ valid point ]

There's a difference between living and surviving, you know. Lying helped me survive.

[ valid point ]

Okay. So you're saying, then, that you're going to lie to keep people away from me. The only problem is that now I've got a recording of you saying that you're going to do exactly that, so...I don't think that's going to hold much water.

Unless I'm lying about lying to keep people away from you. You never can tell with a liar.

[ Dorian is now at the point where 'lying' doesn't sound like an actual word anymore. ]

[ Kitty occasionally sounds Very Teenagery. This is one of those times. ]

Wow, that's so convincing.

Oh shut up.

[ a hundred and fifty going on five over here. ]

Anyway, I think my threat is a bit more realistic. I mean - how many followers have you got just because of that pretty face of yours? And that stupid floppy hair? You might get fans when people see that you're all maggot-eaten, but they'll be of a very different sort.

As long as it's attention, I don't think I'll care.

...Are you joking? Do you even realize how sad and broken that is?

Says the girl screaming into the abyss about mass deworming.

Pot, meet kettle.

Okay, you and Hazel can start a little club together of people who think that saving lives is a bad thing.

[ a confused pause, and then ] Oh my God. You seriously think that if you kick up a fuss enough, it'll actually save lives.

I don't know if that's cute or pathetic.

[ Scowling - ]

Fusses raise money. Money saves lives. There's nothing pathetic about that.

It doesn't count if they donate just to shut you up.

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