Capsule 002 💊 (Video)

[rassera]

[Good morning Nonah/Heropa/De Chima/etc. residents. Hope you've been enjoying it, because you'll need something to buffer here. Kaneda's already outside, lounging on his bike with his feet kicked up, hands behind his head and looking at the sky. Kaneda, you couldn't look more bored if you tried.]

So I guess I'm supposed to give you guys traffic updates or something. And you know me--I've got a burning desire to be an upstanding citizen.

[He turns his communicator about 30 degrees to the left, showing a patch of empty road that his bike was parked next to. Insert the cliche tumbleweed for some added aesthetic.]

Whooooooo-oooo! Brutal out there, guys! Stay safe!

[Okay, even he can't hide his smirk anymore.]

Comments

[rassera]

You wanna test that theory, old man?

[nostalgiabomb]

If you wanna break your burning desire to be an upstanding citizen.

[rassera]

Well.

No one's perfect.

[nostalgiabomb]

[ He snorts at that. ]

Yeah, I'm seeing a pretty good example of that, right now.

So, what, are you like, the hall monitor, only for the most vacant roads or something?

[rassera]

[SCREW YOU BUDDY HE'S WAY COOLER THAN SOME HALL MONITOR!!]

Bite me.

It's traffic reporter, and it never said which roads or when, so...

I'd say I'm doing a pretty good job.

[nostalgiabomb]

Yeah, anyone goin' down that stretch of lonesome, deserted road will totally thank you for your service.

[rassera]

Any compliments, complaints, or questions can be redirected at the ones who hired me, old-timer.

[nostalgiabomb]

So you mean just straight up complaints. Just all of the complaints. No respect for his elders, for one. Or for his consumers. And being a little smart-ass with a doofy haircut.

[rassera]

So you admit you're old!

And jealous of my hair to boot.


Mmn-mnn-mnn...[A head shake.]

[nostalgiabomb]

Older than you, sure. But that's because you're, like, ten, right?

[ FUCKING AGES -- how the fuck do they work? ]

[rassera]

Sixteen!

Your hearing busted, too?

[nostalgiabomb]

Nah, my hearing's just fine.

You look like you're nine.

[ Apparently Kaneda is also getting progressively younger. ]

Where are you, even? Nondescript Street? Random Road?

[rassera]

Hearing, memory, old age...

You're almost nursing home level.

[GOSH PETER HIS VOICE CRACKED AND EVERYTHING!!!]

Does it matter? It doesn't have traffic.

[nostalgiabomb]

[ He snorts. ]

It probably doesn't have traffic 'cause you missed a totally badass wreck further up the street.

[rassera]

If you got in a car crash, you can say so.


We're all friends here.

[No you're not.]

[nostalgiabomb]

Now who has hearing problems?

Or is it 'cause your speech skills haven't fully developed, yet? Are you still working on the alphabet?

[rassera]

I'm having a little bit of trouble, actually.

English sucks as a language--just what does Eff You Cee Kay say?

[nostalgiabomb]

Fuck.

And if that doesn't delight you to say aloud, then I don't know what will.

[rassera]

Thanks so much, Mister.

Fuck you.

[In the most innocent voice ever, too. You two rapscallions~]

[nostalgiabomb]

In your dreams, kiddo. There's an age and height requirement.

[rassera]

Wow, I'm gonna throw up.



You're gonna have a hard time finding fellow 80 year olds, you know.

[nostalgiabomb]

Nah, not really. I already know a guy who's at least pushing a century.

[ Lookin at you, Charles Fillibuster Maxwell XXIII. ]

[rassera]

...A Century.

[WOW DON'T BANG HIS TECHNICAL LEGAL GUARDIAN UGH GROSS]

[nostalgiabomb]

[ tell that to your other house-dad with the eyepatch, canada ]

Yeah. Close to it -- eighty, like you said.

[ He makes a noncommittal noise. You know, because being almost as old as the automobile is totes normal. ]

And there's some asshole who's claiming to be Lucifer hanging around, so that guy's gotta be, like, at least as old as dirt, if he's telling the truth and not just some psycopath.

Still banking on psychopath, though.

[rassera]

[gross gross gross gross he hopes you think about your own parents doing it. In detail.]

...Wait, you get those weirdos too?

Some guy claimed to be a god to me too.