AUGUST 20TH, 2015

[maskormods]

THE MAJORITY REPORT: AUGUST 20TH, 2015

Pandemonium! HORROR! The brutality of the Swearing-In has provoked extreme suspicion and hostility towards imPorts. If you are an imPort in the De Chima area, REMAIN VIGILANT. If you don't, you might find yourself victim to some local violence. Already businesses have temporarily closed down. And despite some political strategy from Ambassador Hundred, there is plenty of native tension afoot. Tread carefully, imPorts!

FACE TURNED HEAL
The online fundraiser host BUTTKICKER has taken an interest in healer imPorts. If you can heal and you want to help the local community through outreach work, you can contact the charity group HEAL FOR FEELS for your (self-chosen) assignment and $1000 cash in expenses.

A FIGHTING FIGURE
Local Nonah and Heropa retailers have recently released special edition action figures that look like one or two or three familiar faces. None are sold in De Chima, they're still angry.

LOVE TAP
The following will be seen in newspapers and BlueTube:
Looking for love in all the wrong places? Looking in all the right places but finding that you're just the wrong fit? The highly anticipated reality show GHOULFRIENDS may be just what you're looking for! This isn't your every day dating program. GHOULFRIENDS helps partners of a very special variety. Somewhere out there is the right person for you. Let us support you on your mission to find them!

For information, or to sign up for this one in a lifetime opportunity, call: 1-800-XXX-XXXX!

THE TOLL CONTINUES...
The following will be seen in national newspapers, UStube and BlueTube, with watered down coverage on MeTube:
In the wake of that infamous act of biochemical terrorism against De Chima University, an imPort by the name of GoGo Tomago was reported to have been found, presumably dumped by her assailant. She exhibited signs of severe torture. Additional reports pending.

POWER UP
The following will be seen in local newspapers, UStube, and BlueTube:
What's been going on with the large and in charge superheroine? After her violent outbursts in early June she appeared to have disappeared for some time, resurfacing earlier this month and then again at the recent Swear-In incident. Locals from other Porter cities have mentioned spotting her repeatedly the past couple of weeks in their cities. Rumors have it Power Girl may be establishing a superhero team based on these prolonged visits, although no one can say for sure what she's been looking for or up to in these cities.

STARRWARES: THE FORCE AWAKENS
The following will be seen in local newspapers, BlueTube, and notallmonsters.com:
Starrware is currently hiring! Do you want to make a lasting, positive impact on the world around you? Starrware might be for you! Our goal is to tackle current environmental problems and provide fresh and efficient solutions to them. Currently seeking: Receptionist, Research Assistant, and Lab Technician. If you are interested, please contact Karen Starr at [ # ] for further information.

NOT ONE TO SHRINK FROM DUTY
The following will be seen in national newspapers circulating Heropa, De Chima, Nonah, and Maurtia Falls:
ARE YOU AN IMPORT WHO has recently been suffering nightmares? Unleashed anxiety? Violent or irrational thoughts? Are you traumatized from recent Swearing-In related events? Then consider how deeply you may need psychiatric treatment.

Call Doctor Frederick Chilton's office at the Downtown Heropa Hospital, before YOU become a ticking time bomb, too.

COLOR SCHEME
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from ORANGE to RED in response to the De Chima attack.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.

Comments

anonymous text- subject: re: not one to shrink from duty

[mathemagier]

Strong recommendation against seeking therapy from Frederick Chilton.

not even trying to anon

[glowsferatu]

ive always found his services rather effective and have been a patient of his for over a year
what sort of experience informs your recommendation

id: Tobias Matthews

[hisheartsdesire]

Perhaps I should give him a go.

[brushoff]

You know you don't need a shrink.

[glowsferatu]

perhaps you should
obviously you have a lot of problems that could do with a professional opinion

-1

[textualhealing]

I was once an overweight, unattractive, neckbearded virgin. The day after having treatment with Dr. Chilton I became a God of a man. 5 stars, would recommend to all.

+1

[aggressiveapathy]

my life was a meaningless series of pointless events until dr. chilton came into it

++1

[textualhealing]

Life changing.

not here

[infomodder]

[strangled tormented noises from april and will's room]

[textualhealing]

[Let it all out, bro.]

[orions_shadow]

...

Why can't they make cooler people into action figures?

Can you get custom ones made?

[brushoff]

Shoot me a line if you find any information out.

[whathawksdo]

Please tell me you aren't thinking you deserve a funny little plastic doll of your own.

[brushoff]

I know I deserve a funny little plastic doll of my own. It could come with bloodied limbs and bloodied head for you to swap it out!

[incendere]

They certainly have some interesting tastes.

[HONESTLY, WHO WANTS THE MAJOR GENERAL STARING AT THEM ALL THE TIME NOT ME]

[orions_shadow]

They're so lame though.

The girl one is okay but that's only cos' she's got a cool costume at least.

[He doesn't know the major general. She looks okay to him.]

[fuckai]

What the hell's with everyone's obsession with Red alerts?!

[Look he's just saying]

[kendo_taisho]

It's psychological. Red is vibrant an' attracts attention. Hot colours are used frequently in times where ya need t'stay focused and on alert.

[fuckai]

Trust me, if you're going for focused and alert you do not go Red. [There's almost pitying amusement in his voice. Almost. ]

[kendo_taisho]

What, does yer world have a different colour system? [Look at this earnestly curious child.]

[shutterbugged]

Wait, you're mad that a color you dislike is being used to warn people about really bad things incoming? I'm not following the logic here.

[fuckai]

I'm mad it's being used at all. Trust me, nothing red is worth any recognition.

[sry spidey]

[shutterbugged]

[ Eh, he's heard worse ]

With an attitude like that, traffic cops must love you. Them and their kids' college funds.

re: FACE TURNED HEAL

[bindsthedead]

So who else is signing up for this? I think it's a wonderful idea.

[incendere]

[If it weren't for the circumstances, the action figure of the Major General would be a hilarious sight.

Who am I kidding it's still hilarious.

MENTAL NOTE: BUY ONE FOR THE MAJOR GENERAL AND GIVE IT TO HER AS A PRESENT]