maskormenace | start of something shitty

So -

[ Okay. So this is some found-footage shakycam stuff right here. Kitty Jones is staring into the camera with eyes wide with alarm. Her voice is squeaky and nervous. Her hair is mussed. Her shirt is wet.

Don't ask how her shirt got wet. ]

So, erm, Billy and I were doing a little bit of a spell to make latrines self-regulating and it sort of went a little bit wrong and now toilets are sort of coming to life? So, erm - Oh, no, oh, look out, look out -

[ She swings around. The camera catches one William Kaplan, Center of All Magic In The Universe, with his hands lit up, struggling valiantly against a toilet that's pried itself up from its floorboards and is now clomp-clomp-clomping towards him on its base. With a flash, it's shattered into shards of porcelain; Kitty ducks, shielding her head. ]

Oh, not that one, too...

[ She turns back to the camera. ]

We - think that this magic is going to be radiating outwards. So everyone check your loo, but check really really carefully. I can come and undo it - if I touch them, they'll go quiet - but just be careful. Toilets, port-a-potties, outhouses, all of them, they're all hostile. Stay safe, and oh God make sure that you've flushed before you try to fight them, please make sure you've flushed.

[ ooc: So this is the post regarding the miniplot referenced here! Feel free to have your characters' toilets come to life. Kitty's warning is not completely correct: toilets will treat your character as they themselves have been treated. If your character has been neglectful of their toilet, doesn't clean, flushes cigarettes down it, buys super-cheap toilet paper, etc., then the toilet will be vengeful and wrathful. However, if your character treats their toilet well, keeps it clean and maintains it well, then the commodes will be as loyal and affectionate as golden retrievers.

Alternatively, have your characters' toilets not come to life because this plot is (as they say) very crappy. ]

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[With the danger finally past, Toby laughs, the tension going out of him. Until he hears the clanging of porcelain outside their window, the sound seemingly going closer to the apartment door.

Heaving an exhausted sigh, ]

Yeah, well. I think the nightmare returns. Hopefully it won't get through the door.

[ Dorian looks like he is seriously considering taking up drinking (at least, heavy drinking) ]

I suppose the least we can do is barricade it with a chair until I guilt Kitty Jones enough to drop by and fix this.

[Inwardly, Toby vows to clean the toilet for Dorian fairly regularly. And perhaps everything else in the apartment as well; never know if, in the future, some other thing(s) will accidentally come to life because of some magic. Though Toby now has experience of the opposite, that's for certain.

He moves toward the sofa before suddenly stopping in his tracks and glancing at Dorian. His gaze clearly asks if they should use the sofa to barricade the door, especially since Dorian's already replaced it once or twice by now.]

Right. She did tell me that you two loathe each other. Why's that?

[ Dorian responds to Toby's questioning gaze with a resigned expression of why not. It's his lot in life that all his stuff will get broken. Let's just add the sofa to that list.

And ah. Kitty Jones. Dorian bent down to pick up one end of the sofa, answering Toby's question as she does so. ]

I honestly don't know how it started. I probably antagonized her on the Network or something. Our personalities clash, so there's a lot of sniping just with regards to that. [ but there's so much more as to why he and Kitty hate each other. And better he tells Toby than Kitty tells him. ]

A few months ago, when the devil brought about the Apocalypse, I was affected by one of those rings. I hallucinated Kitty as Victoria Lowell and, because I wasn't in a sane state of mind, tried to kill her. [ Dorian has to pause before he says this next bit, the memories of that day still fresh in his mind. ] One of Kitty's powers is that she can cancel out other people's powers with physical contact. The Porter apparently assigned my immortality as a superpower. She touched me and got the full Dorian Gray experience.

[ And really, how on earth could somebody be taken in by charm, by smiles and grins and good looks, once they saw what a disgusting person he truly was? ]

[The toilet seems to have reached the door and is pounding hard against it. Toby goes to the unclaimed end of the sofa and lifts as Dorian begins to speak. Together, they set about barricading the door, the toilet still noisily clanging behind it.]

I see. The devil had actually gotten you...

[Toby had thought it ridiculous when Dorian first mentioned, but it displeases him greatly to know Dorian had been affected and took part in that debacle. It's easy to expect Dorian Gray to succumb to that sort of darkness, only Toby believes Dorian so selfish and willful that not even the devil could have or control him. So he does his best to mask his disappointment with a neutral expression.]

Surely you two have spoken since then, but I guess nothing's changed? You're not even friends to a tolerable degree? But then, you did say your personalities don't mesh...

Edited 2015-09-13 18:41 (UTC)

[ Dorian can't help but feel a small brush of annoyance at Toby's tone of voice. The devil had gotten to him? Of course he had, it wasn't like he had a choice, it wasn't like he wanted to hallucinate. (And then, at the same time, he found himself cozying up to Lucifer, tempted by the man's pretty words, seriously considering becoming the devil's lapdog to get what he wants, to get attention.)

Yeah, he's not telling Toby that. ]

She thinks I'm egotistical and selfish, I think that her entire personality is based around shouting until she gets what she wants. We're not friends.

But aren't you exactly that? [He manages a small chuckle.] And she hasn't exactly yelled at me—yet.

[His amusement is short-lived, and his voice becomes quiet.]

She figured out what I am, and she doesn't hate me for it. Yet. But how long will that last...

[Because Toby's been on such a losing streak lately.]

At the risk of pointing out the obvious, you're more charming than I am. [ he's teasing, a small grin on his face, trying to get Toby back to that amusement he had before. ]

[When he smiles back, it's a small one crossed with both joy and pain.]

Maybe you'd be just as charming without all the warning labels. But then again, you wouldn't be you, and we can't have that now, can we?

Warning labels are an intrinsic part of my character. [ he's partly joking, as shown by that goofy smile. Darnit Toby, we can do this, stop being such a sad sack. ]

[Dorian successfully manages to dispel that dark cloud around Toby; a chuckle escapes him, and then he smiles more fully.]

Others should really consider themselves fortunate for that. Though at the end of it all, I'm the real lucky one.

[Whispered: ] Thank you, Dorian.

You're welcome. [ said with a small smile. And, as Toby chuckles, Dorian just snuggles up next to him, giving the vampire a tiny little hug. ]

[Somewhere behind them, the sofa, and the door, the toilet has only become even more angry it can't reach its victims. A gross gurgle replaces the monotonous porcelain clanging from earlier.

But, thankfully it's outside. Maybe someone with a nice army of clean toilets will be able to handle it, if Kitty and friends don't bother coming by themselves.

As they're snuggling up and settling down, the gross smell of dirty septic and sewage permeates around them.]

Ugh, that. Is disgusting.

[Distracted and put out, Toby releases Dorian to cover his nose and mouth.]

[ The smell hits Dorian right as he leans right into Toby. Almost instantly, it's his turn to put his hands to his nose, as Dorian lets out a small little disgruntled moan. Cockblocked by a toilet. This is what his life was coming to. ]

I vote we resume this in the bedroom.

start of something shitty

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