video;

[helpline]

[ The first thing you see....is pumpkins. So many pumpkins. This house is full of pumpkins in various stages of being carved. Those who know Hazel can easily recognize this scene of mass chaos as Residence #11. However, the chalk scribbles on the wall are decidedly not hers. To start with, some of them are in a different language that looks kind of circly.

The personless scene lasts only for a moment before the Doctor scurries into frame, looking a mixture of confused and frowny. He's looking kind of magician, wearing a black coat over a black hoodie. Finally, he's holding an owl by the scruff of it's neck (can you do that with an owl? Who knows, the Doctor's doing so). Said owl is Owlfonso, the skateboarding owl that really doesn't want to be here right now and is desperately trying to peck the Doctor's fingers. ]

I want to clarify first that for once, none of this is my fault. [ except the chalk writing, which is obviously his, but that either a: goes without commenting on or b: the Doctor's forgotten it by now. also wow, that sure is a Scottish accent ] That being said- [ WHAM the camera gets a face full of owl ]

Is this normal? I mean, normal for owls. Is this how I can tell this dimension apart from my dimension? No eyepatches, no goatees, just owls that can suddenly skateboard? [ He backs poor Owlfonso away from the camera, as the Doctor's still got an expression that's pure 'what the hell is this shit' ] Well, skateboarding owls and a postponed perestroika. Spoilers, you're twenty years out of date.

[ pause, frown. The Doctor looks over at poor Owlfonso with a sort of resigned expression. ] The alternate dimension of owls and Communism. Oh how the mighty have fallen.

Comments

[glitchinthesystem]

[ Uh oh. Guess who recognizes that Owl? Glitch had been wondering who had been given the pet he gave to Dipper and Mabel ever since their uncle stole it.

And now he knows....sort of. Still, he's already on the feed quickly and he looks pissed to all hell.

He's ignoring all the man's questions and other words in favour of his own. ]

HEY! Be careful with that you fucking asshole! That Owl's not even yours!

[helpline]

[ the Owlfonso Defense Squad is about to come out. Anyway, the Doctor holds his hands up to the camera to show that tah-dah, not holding the owl anymore ]

Of course the owl's not mine, the owl's his own owl.

[glitchinthesystem]

And fucking stolen from the two kids who actually took care of it.

[ Glitch no, that's not at all true. IT WAS EATING KITTENS. ]

[helpline]

[ THAT'S THE CIRCLE OF LIFE, GLITCH ]

Who keeps an owl for a pet? Isn't that a bit too Harry Potter?

[glitchinthesystem]

[ AND IT MOVES US ALLLLLLL ]

Someone who wins it you prick.

[helpline]

[ through kitten-eating and hope ]

How could you win an owl in the first place? Don't they have laws against that sort of stuff now?

[glitchinthesystem]

[ Through maime and blooooood ]

Because this place decided to have a contest at the swear when I first got here. Besides, pretty sure it's fucking legal if the government's willing to give it to me.

[helpline]

[ and a paaaaaaaause because wait what ]

I've never heard of governments throwing contests before.

[glitchinthesystem]

Well, they do here for imPorts and stuff. [ le shrug. ]

Probably because they want us to be their personal soldiers or something.

[helpline]

[ you said the s-word, Glitch. The Doctor's scowl deepens at the mention of 'soldiers.' ]

If that's the case then they really didn't think this through. I'm not a soldier, and I doubt you are either.

[glitchinthesystem]

Did you read the phamplet at all? Everyone who gets magically brought here comes with powers or gets powers. Everyone who actually lives here? They're normal.

[ again he shrugs. ]

And no, I'm really not. I couldn't give two shits about this cold war.

[helpline]

It looked boring, so I skimmed it. [ at least he's honest. ] Besides, I didn't want to read a pamphlet with the government trying to justify what they're doing when it's obvious they don't know what they're doing.

[glitchinthesystem]

Wow, that's fuckin' dumb. [ You are dumb sir.

Very dumb.

But, this is coming from the guy who thought this was a hallucination when he first got here. But, there's just a shrug from his end. ]

Eh, you'd be right though. APPARENTLY, they didn't event mean to bring us here. Porter thingy has got a mind of it's own.

[helpline]

[ SHRUG. He'll read through everything and piece together all the pieces later, right now it's time for poking at things and trying to see what happens. ]

Government competence, an oxymoron no matter what universe.

[glitchinthesystem]

Prettttty much.

I'm waiting for them to set off the nukes personally. Should be any year now.

[helpline]

And here I thought mutually assured destruction was enough of a boogeyman to keep us all safe.

[glitchinthesystem]

I'm sure people in this time thought so too.

But, idiots happened and the apocalypse happened, well-at least in my world anyway.

[helpline]

Mind if I ask when the apocalypse happened for you?

[glitchinthesystem]

Uhhhh, recorded history said it happened like 2 years from now, but, I'm like 400 hundred years AFTER that. So, yeah. [ Not like it's a big deal to tell people now anyways. ]

[helpline]

Still, two years! That's good! You can get a lot done in two years, apocalypses can be prevented in two years.

[glitchinthesystem]

Uh-yeah, I guess, but doesn't that kind of like rewrite future people's future.

Maybe to the point of non existence? [ He's read a couple of sci fi novels to know rewriting the past always ends up being a bad idea. ]

[helpline]

Or create a parallel timeline. I don't know how time works just yet in this place, I don't have a hard answer for you.

[glitchinthesystem]

Hmmmm...okay. Well, least it won't affect me.

[helpline]

How refreshingly self-involved.

[glitchinthesystem]

[ Wow does that sound like judgment? It sounds like judgment. ]

What? This ain't my universe. If they want to fuck it all up that's their own prerogative.