video;

[helpline]

[ The first thing you see....is pumpkins. So many pumpkins. This house is full of pumpkins in various stages of being carved. Those who know Hazel can easily recognize this scene of mass chaos as Residence #11. However, the chalk scribbles on the wall are decidedly not hers. To start with, some of them are in a different language that looks kind of circly.

The personless scene lasts only for a moment before the Doctor scurries into frame, looking a mixture of confused and frowny. He's looking kind of magician, wearing a black coat over a black hoodie. Finally, he's holding an owl by the scruff of it's neck (can you do that with an owl? Who knows, the Doctor's doing so). Said owl is Owlfonso, the skateboarding owl that really doesn't want to be here right now and is desperately trying to peck the Doctor's fingers. ]

I want to clarify first that for once, none of this is my fault. [ except the chalk writing, which is obviously his, but that either a: goes without commenting on or b: the Doctor's forgotten it by now. also wow, that sure is a Scottish accent ] That being said- [ WHAM the camera gets a face full of owl ]

Is this normal? I mean, normal for owls. Is this how I can tell this dimension apart from my dimension? No eyepatches, no goatees, just owls that can suddenly skateboard? [ He backs poor Owlfonso away from the camera, as the Doctor's still got an expression that's pure 'what the hell is this shit' ] Well, skateboarding owls and a postponed perestroika. Spoilers, you're twenty years out of date.

[ pause, frown. The Doctor looks over at poor Owlfonso with a sort of resigned expression. ] The alternate dimension of owls and Communism. Oh how the mighty have fallen.

Comments

[helpline]

Top marks, mystery text.

[restingstitchface]

Well, like you admit, I'm rather clever.

Now, you claim none of this is your fault for once. Does that mean you have been at fault in your past? Back home, perhaps?

Is that an explanation for your avoidance of the issue?

[helpline]

Why so curious? Do all new people get twenty questions or am I the exception to prove the rule?

[restingstitchface]

Oh, you're not my exception to the rule, I assure you. I've asked people plenty of questions before your arrival here. You are still avoiding the... question, mind.

[helpline]

I am?

[restingstitchface]

Yes, I believe so.

I'd love to hear more about your home, if you don't mind. It's geography and history. The culture of it's residents. Your great cultural works...

[If nothing happened, that's no problem, right?]

[helpline]

Or, I could talk to you about something else, because Gallifrey's boring.

[restingstitchface]

For you, perhaps.

Or perhaps there's something you're hiding. A world is never boring; only it's inhabitants. I wonder what's scaring you...

[helpline]

No, really, it's boring. Time Lords, yours truly excepted, are a race of stodgy dull bureaucratic nightmares. [ that he misses so so much. ]

[restingstitchface]

There's more than one of you out there, then. Literally and in the dull bureaucratic sense of the word. Truth be told, I'm not a fan of stodgy paperwork either.

[Forms of consent? Tell him what those are, please. He'll laugh in your face.]

Though I suppose here you're the only one of your kind. Not a unique position to be in, I suppose. There's a few unique individuals here.

[helpline]

Well go on, name a few.

[restingstitchface]

Perhaps next time.

There's something thrilling about a surprise, isn't there? The anticipation of not knowing. Can you know when I'll call it in? It's exciting, the thrill...

[helpline]

This isn't a surprise. This is you being annoying and dodging a question. Surprises involve things like cake and balloons, get me balloons if you want this to be a proper surprise.

[restingstitchface]

... Are you saying you want things to be a gas?

Balloons and cake imply celebration, after all. And I'm quite the gentleman when it comes to throwing a party.

[Gas in sense of having some amazing fun, clearly. NOTHING ELSE. NOPE.]

[helpline]

Well what are other surprises then? Horror movie surprise, that's not fun. Loud noise surprise, no thanks. Balloons and cake it is.

[restingstitchface]

Balloons and cake are predictable; an annual occurance.

I cannot understand how you find them surprising. But to answer your question; a surprise attack, the opposite of what you expect and anything which happens in life - and perhaps nice red uniforms.

[helpline]

Spoken like someone who's never forgotten their birthday.