maskormenace | video;

[ The first thing you see....is pumpkins. So many pumpkins. This house is full of pumpkins in various stages of being carved. Those who know Hazel can easily recognize this scene of mass chaos as Residence #11. However, the chalk scribbles on the wall are decidedly not hers. To start with, some of them are in a different language that looks kind of circly.

The personless scene lasts only for a moment before the Doctor scurries into frame, looking a mixture of confused and frowny. He's looking kind of magician, wearing a black coat over a black hoodie. Finally, he's holding an owl by the scruff of it's neck (can you do that with an owl? Who knows, the Doctor's doing so). Said owl is Owlfonso, the skateboarding owl that really doesn't want to be here right now and is desperately trying to peck the Doctor's fingers. ]

I want to clarify first that for once, none of this is my fault. [ except the chalk writing, which is obviously his, but that either a: goes without commenting on or b: the Doctor's forgotten it by now. also wow, that sure is a Scottish accent ] That being said- [ WHAM the camera gets a face full of owl ]

Is this normal? I mean, normal for owls. Is this how I can tell this dimension apart from my dimension? No eyepatches, no goatees, just owls that can suddenly skateboard? [ He backs poor Owlfonso away from the camera, as the Doctor's still got an expression that's pure 'what the hell is this shit' ] Well, skateboarding owls and a postponed perestroika. Spoilers, you're twenty years out of date.

[ pause, frown. The Doctor looks over at poor Owlfonso with a sort of resigned expression. ] The alternate dimension of owls and Communism. Oh how the mighty have fallen.

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The Doctor, glad to be in the madness, and yes indeed. [ said with a smile on his face. Congrats Porthos, you are the fave Musketeer right now. ]

I'd ask if it was always this bad, but I'm sure you'll answer yes.

I haven't exactly been here long enough to figure that out.

[He's always happy to have to have a good time, but madness is a step beyond the norm]

I'm not really equipped to give a speech about this place. Did they explain it to you? Not sure I'll do a very good job.

They tried. Really though, this whole place screams of incompetence. They found the Porter in the ocean, right? That means someone lost it. How do you just lose an interdimensional teleporter?

I'm not really surprised by the lack of intelligence on anyone's behalf anymore. I've seen too much stupidity to really question it.

So, have you got an idea about all this, then? Some way to get past it?

I've got plenty of ideas, all half-formed and muddling around like some idea soup. What I need is a decisive one.

[Porthos looks off camera, like he needs someone to mouth 'idea soup' at, except there's no one there, so he just sort of has to go with it]

And do you normally get decisive ones?

[He's still not sure this isn't the Cardinal undercover, but the man seems a bit less deranged. Or more deranged. It's somewhere on the deranged scale]

Of course I do! Doesn't everybody?

[ A different shade of deranged, at least. ]

About situations like this? I'm still struggling to figure things out and I've got about four weeks of experience.

[He's still learning how to use his power, even, which reminds him]

Did they give you a power, too?

They lumped my Time Lord biology as a superpower which really, is exceedingly humanist when you think about it. [ something different, must be a super power, it's a conspiracy ]

But yeah, I can pull chalk from my pockets. [ said 100% seriously ]

You're a what now?

[He could swear he heard 'Time Lord', but that seems a bit much. Although, if this is Richelieu, it's about dead on for ego, isn't it]

I hope that it's helpful problem solving chalk, that.

Time Lord from the planet Gallifrey. Two hearts, travel through time and space, generally a bit of a nuisance.

You're a bit of a nuisance? Or the travelling through time and space?

I'm a bit of a nuisance. [ said with a MASSIVE GRIN. ]