010 ♍ text ♍ locked from norman osborn, hazel lockwood

[glowsferatu]

hope can be such a fickle thing

ive lived my life without it for years and it chooses now of all times to barrel its way back in
but none of that makes it fit in the environment
its only like an ice cube trying to enjoy a summers day

even when im staring at it in front of me i cant seem to conquer the idea that it isnt mine
that im not the one who gets a happy ending its only being borrowed from someone else
another me from another timeline who things progressed more happily for
another me who could look at this and actually feel like shes earned it

i dont know what to do with this feeling
except to know its made a fool of me

[ She includes a photo taken on her desk, some weird black ball covered in candy corn spikes. Is it a Halloween decoration? ]

im going to be a mother after all

Comments

[glowsferatu]

can and does
ive seen it too many times to let myself fall into that trap
i would rather live without any hope at all than to let it inspire me to inactivity

but at the same time
to have this egg now and to know its resident will be with me soon
its difficult not to let a bit of it bleed in

[resipiscent]

Well, that's different, though. You know that the egg will hatch if you take good care of it, right? So it's not weird to get excited. It's inevitably going to work.

[glowsferatu]

nothing is inevitable
even the things that seem assured
and even in hatching that is only the beginning of another road
what was intended to lie at the end is something i cant take for granted will be realized

[resipiscent]

That's true. Something could go wrong. But I have faith you'll keep it from doing so, at least the best you can.

shit i missed this one earlier, sorry!

[glowsferatu]

beyond simply my own best if necessary
this is something i cant fail again
if that means it will require more than only my efforts than i wont allow my pride to be an obstacle

it's cool :)

[resipiscent]

If you need a hand with anything, let me know.

[glowsferatu]

if anything should come to mind
ill be sure to let you know

[resipiscent]

Good. You're not alone.

[A moment passes, and then:] :)

[glowsferatu]

thank you
its always an important lesson to remember
:)

[ Is that the proper application of that typeface? She's never really been in the habit of using them, and even when she has, it was never really...genuine. She at least figures parroting it back should match the sentiment, though. ]

[resipiscent]

[Riku doesn't know, because he doesn't really use them often either. He just thought she could use one.]

Yeah. Took me a while, myself.

[glowsferatu]

sometimes i think its a lesson ill be teaching myself over and over again for every day of my unlife

[resipiscent]

There's nothing wrong with that. Sometimes I have to do that, too.

[glowsferatu]

its a bit like navigatiting through life with a broken compass
you just have to stop every now and again to make sure you have north right

[resipiscent]

Yeah. Luckily there are things we can use for reference.

[glowsferatu]

what do you use then

[resipiscent]

Other people. My friends. What else?

[glowsferatu]

i was just cecking to see if there wasnt some other possibility i hadnt considered

[resipiscent]

Hah. Sorry to disappoint you. I guess, in a way, I have myself as a guide, too. Looking back at the things I already did, I mean.

[glowsferatu]

its nothing you need to apologize for
it certainly isnt your job to provide me with answers

but youre right with that also
even if there werent other we always have our own mistakes to guide us
but its perhaps only through others that we recognize those mistakes

[resipiscent]

Yeah, that's true. Without my friends there's no way I'd have realized it in the first place. But now that I have, I can do it myself.

[glowsferatu]

in theory perhaps
but if im doing it all on my own
i have to wonder if it would be worth doing at all

[resipiscent]

I think it is. Personally, I don't want to go back to the person I used to be. So... it's for me, as well as them.

[glowsferatu]

i suppose
on some level

[ Or she's just conceding because the truth is far too depressing. ]

[resipiscent]

It's all right if you don't agree. That's just how it is for me personally.

[glowsferatu]

that shouldnt be terribly surprising
we are different people with different needs
so its only right we will respond to certain priorities differently