( voice )

[nitidus]

[In the background, the siren call of cats meowing heartily as Rose feeds them. ]

Three things, all of vague importance. I am stuck between two costumes and want them both as a surprise. So: pink or blue?

[Meow, meow - and a huff from Rose.] Secondly if I hear of a single black cat being harrassed I will be paying personal visits to any and all perpetrators to teach the value of feline care. And the third - thank you to whoever decorated my yard. This has been the best gift I have received all year. How does one get a skeleton to skateboard? With great skill, obviously.

[She is so blessed.] Anyway, happy Halloween and all that.

Comments

text;

[timeframes]

i keep shit under there
who do these furry motherfuckers think they are
first they steal from my collection
then they potentially violate my primo apple juice storage spot

[the "collection" being one of the variety of small animal bones he's dragged into the house. don't point out the hypocrisy. at least he doesn't deposit bodily functions on the living room floor.]

you gotta train them

Re: text;

[nitidus]

Well, now the cats keep shit under there too.

You can't train cats, Dave. It's far too late. They're in their teenage rebellion phase.

text;

[timeframes]

cant believe this is the way i get treated in this household
after i get you what is possibly the best freakin halloween gift known to man
my room gets turned into a litter box

text;

[nitidus]

Oh dear sweet, Dave. Perhaps your room has always been a litter box.

text;

[timeframes]

yeesh
thats pretty brutal whether its a comment on my general cleaning skills or some sort of vague threat your cats have been taking advantage of me for months
listen a dude doesnt always have time to clean in his busy schedule
i got a bro to attend to and school or whatever and burger meetings
seriously i am a dude on the run

[nitidus]

I hate to say this, but your room is much tidier than mine. Not cleaner, but. Tidier.

Save for my cats ruining it. Or improving on it?

[timeframes]

well yeah a guys gotta keep his tonk hawk memorabilia organized or that shit is hard to appreciate
cant be scoping the dudes ultimate skateboarding skill set if all my junk aint tidy
a pristine fuckin museum of early 90s relics chronicling the time where we all collectively thought scooting our flared jeans asses around on a plank of wood for children was suddenly THE sickest shit in the goddamn world
he may not exist in this universe but hes still a goonish butterface that exists on that line between too boring to exist and inexplicably a household name and that shit is fascinating
or maybe im just too harsh on a dude just trying to make a living hawking terrible glitchy video games and playing with a toy for twelve year olds
tony hawk rant over for now but expect this to be visited again soon
but all in all id say a few smashed handmade kitsch collectors items and some hidden cat piss probably does improve on it

[nitidus]

My eyes glazed over somewhat, but I presume this was some sort of deep metaphor for the massive crush you are harbouring for Tony Hawk and you are worried my cats might sully his image - images? - while going about their cat like business. I assure you that they won't. Your one true love is safe.