maskormenace | ( video o4 )

[ The man who first appears on the screen is easily recognisable thanks to the very prominent scowl between his brows. People may have seen it before. Usually it comes about when he’s forced to do something like this. In his hands are varying sheets of paper that he rifles through as though to ignore d’Artagnan and his eager camera.

Athos waits a moment, then two, before he sighs. ] Go on then, I know you’re dying to announce it. Let’s not keep them waiting.

[ That’s all the cue d’Artagnan needs. The camera wheels around to show his face, where he’s looking altogether too pleased with himself. ]

We have something to tell you all. [ The camera lingers on his face for a moment and then shifts up, fixing on a sign bearing a symbol that will be familiar to anyone who’s met the Musketeers. D’Artagnan’s voice accompanies the picture. ] We’d like to welcome you to our new offices.

The thing is, we’re Musketeers. This may not be our world, but we’re still able to work. We’d like to help, in the best way we can. And let’s be honest, I was never going to help anyone at the Renaissance Faire.

So, we’re opening an agency of our own.

[ The camera pans around the office itself, showing a mostly wooden interior, a desk, several chairs, and what looks like a modern coffee machine hidden in one corner. There are several doors, including one that leads out to a yard. A couple of horses can briefly be seen there. ]

We want to do our part, here in De Chima. We’re here to protect you. We’ll be your guards, if you need us. We’ll investigate crimes that you bring to us. You can come to us in confidence, and we’ll do all that we can to help you. This is our work, and we want to get back to it.

[ A large hand grasps to reposition the camera and in looms a set of curls and not much else before the camera settles on a desk and Porthos comes into the frame. ]

Not like we get all the praise and glory, despite it being something that’s been well-deserved by our regiment, in my very humble experience. Only, there’s the bit where we take the best. I mean, I’d accept mediocre if I could train it out of you, but I think Athos might have my head first.

[ Which is actually a good point. Athos makes a noise like clearing his throat and waits until one of his companions angles the device again to get him in it. ] We’re taking anyone who wants to learn and seems as if they’d be capable. Men and women. [ And that’s at least one sign that he’s becoming one with the times. And that he’s not as bad as all that, thank you Porthos. ] We only ask that you be over sixteen and that you are prepared to learn. It is not an easy life, you do not make it without dedication. We would expect much of that. But I can guarantee that it is worthwhile. And if you trust us to teach you then you will not be let down.

[ After all that, d’Artagnan pulls the camera back to himself. All of that seriousness has not gotten rid of his excitement. ]

You can let us know if you’re interested. We open for business two weeks from today. If we can help you, you should get in touch.

( nb: the occ information post is here and sign-ups are here. Athos is black, D’Artagnan is teal and Porthos is purple. )

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I had no idea you were in the market for that kind of thing. When do we start?

[ Please know that he's joking, because otherwise Athos might actually kill him. Speaking of which, he moves to stand out of range. ]

[ Oh, she knows. That's half the fun! ]

For a friend, actually. I never did get her anything for her birthday... [ She's doing her best to sound so serious, too, but it's hard. ] And this is the part where I'd say I would need to check my schedule, but I'm afraid the dog's eaten that.

That's convenient. I'd complain, but ours is almost as bad. [ And she's to blame for them even having one, so. ]

Which friend? I hope it's not someone I dislike.

[ There is one tempting moment where she considers answering with Dorian (Pavus, not Gray), but it'd be a lie. Well, more of a lie. She has no idea if she's missed his birthday or not! ]

The little one, right? The terrier?

[ Although she can't help but take a break for a dog. Considering the same shelter they adopted from is the same one she works at, well, you'd better believe she keeps track of which of her charges go home where. ]

And no, not someone you dislike. You'd probably find her very charming.

[ Provided he didn't keep anything worth stealing on him, that is. ]

[ Have you seen how he dresses? None of this is worth stealing. ]

With the moustache, yes. Athos took a liking to him.

[ In fairness, they both did. ]

Your accidental advertising clearly worked. Does this mysterious woman have a name, or should I stick to Madame?

Good. I'm glad he did. Enough people had passed over him before.

[ Besides, they can both look grouchy together with scraggly mustaches now. Perfect match. ]

And I think Madame works just fine. If I were to name her, it might summon her here. Very terrible, that. It would ruin the surprise and everything.

I have a certain wariness when it comes to your surprises.

[ Also, he's not sure how much of this is just Hawke teasing him. Quite a lot of it, he expects. ]

Is it one of your roommates?

Ha, no. I don't even know where she lives, to be honest.

[ Kasumi refuses on the grounds of Hawke being bad for the health of all that stolen art of hers...

Or maybe it's just to keep that air of mystery. Mystery, in italics with a lot of spooky squiggles drawn around the word and anything else to make it look even more ridiculous and mysterious than before. ]

She’s your friend, and you don’t know where she lives?

[ This is the dodgiest fake assignment he’s ever gotten, Hawke. It’s quite impressive. ]

How does that work, then?

Well, she's far too sneaky to let people know that!

[ If this is the dodgiest, the stuff she had to figure out in Kirkwall would have absolutely astounded him. ]

We don't meet at her place, obviously. Although, I suppose I could always hire you to try and find her home.

And what a wonderful first impression I'd make then. 'Hello, your friend sent me to spy on you. I do hope you don't mind.'

Do I get to know this woman's name, out of interest?

Considering her, she would either offer you twice as much to go back and bother me instead or she would let you hang around on the condition that you don't wear a shirt.

[ Would offense even factor into it? Hawke seems to think not. ]

And no, you do not. Perhaps you could put your detective skills into figuring it out as practice, instead.

[ That’s offensive, and he should probably be offended by it.

On the other hand, this is Hawke, and he finds it difficult to be offended by her in general. He ends up laughing, instead. ]

I don’t think you’re taking our profession seriously. Perhaps I will find your friend, and perhaps she’ll give me specific instructions to irritate you. I could take to that job well enough. What do you think?

And just how many things have you known me to take seriously, d'Artagnan?

[ Misery-inducing trips to the awful future aside. ]

But if you can find her, I think I would be very impressed. Even if she did tell you to come back and annoy me.

[ He groans. ]

Why do you have to say it like that? Now you're making it into a challenge, and you know I can't resist that.

Or you could try to show some willpower for once.

[ Hey. ]

What's that supposed to mean?! I don't lack for power of will.

Uh huh. So says Mister "I'll Do Anything I'm Challenged To".

Maybe I just enjoy the challenge.

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