maskormenace | Video; open to Action for Nonah #03 residents

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Video; open to Action for Nonah #03 residents

[This is not Rincewind's first attempt at accessing the network. Shamefully, it's not even his fourth attempt, even after all the helpful advice (which he smiled brightly through and nodded at and didn't listen to at all). Obviously he's managed to get the unfamiliar technology to finally work for him though, as that's definitely his sullen face coming across the imPort channels. He's on the floor of his new room, his back against his bed and his arm slung over a large wooden chest. His broad-brimmed hat proclaims him to be a 'Wizzard'.

He is also, quite obviously, very drunk.]

Right. I think we can all agree that this is absolutely mad, right? And not even - not even all these things that are going 'round doing stuff without any sort of magic or tiny imps painting pictures inside them, that's not even what I'm talking about here, that part I could almost like, since it seems somewhat sensible, the principle of it. ...Although it still isn't, is it, because there's apparently all these powers and such, which totally throws that whole thing about being sensible right out the window. And being handed out like meat-pies or something too, with no thought as to who's getting them. M'sure that's not something that's going to blow up in anyone's face, is it? Probably literally, if I had my guess.

...Right, where was I going with this?

[there's a pause as Rincewind casts about for the tenuous line of focus that brought him here in the first place, and which he's sure to be appropriately horrified he followed when he sobers up tomorrow.

Apparently he finds it again, and slaps his hand (the one not currently holding a bottle of wine) on the wooden trunk for emphasis. The chest lifts its lid some, in grumpy protest.] - Heroes! Heroes, that's what I was getting at - this whole business about people being fished out of their own perfectly good - well, okay, mostly good. Somewhat. ...At least familiar worlds, and then being asked to - to - to do what? Be a hero? I've met heroes, you know, quite more than I'd have liked, and do you know what heroes are?

Dangerous, that's what. [firmly.] Dangerous, utterly reckless madmen, that's what heroes are. People who have as much trouble realizing why you shouldn't go barreling into dark caves full of horrible monsters to get the gold, or rescue the girl, as they do recognizing a good thing when they have it. Which is living. ...Which they risk. ...To be heroes.

But you know the most important thing about them? [he continues, fervently] The most important thing about heroes is that - ! Well, it's that - !

...It's that I'm not one.

[Rincewind quiets, and swipes the sleeve of his robe across his nose with a miserable, dry sniff. He frowns, sighs.] Not that it matters, I suppose. Not that it ever matters.

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I shall do no such thing. No, you may keep your indulgences to yourself. [She turns up her nose to emphasize her point.

And then she looks momentarily puzzled as she tries to sort out whether or not Rincewind's words were supposed to be a compliment, but ultimately seems to decide that they must have been. What reason could anyone possibly have to say anything less than complimentary about her, after all?]

Well, yes, I do make a point of resorting to only the necessary amount of violence. I am a holy woman, after all. ...But that has very little to do with heroism! True heroism is about serving the greater good, you see. It is about banishing evil in the name of justice and righteousness! Could there possibly be any calling more noble?

Suit yourself. But so, here - you really don't drink? Like at all?

[hearing that is almost stranger than the heroing business. He eyes her over the mouth of the bottle as he takes another swig.

And pauses. Chokes a little. Wipes at his mouth. He looks a little concerned.] Sorry, did you say holy woman? What, like - like a priest? Priestess, whatever?

- And yes, yes there could be. I think looking out for your own safety is a very noble cause. The nobility of self.

No, not at all. I am devoted to a life of grace and purity, so you see, I could never partake in--oh dear, are you all right?

[She gives him a concerned look of her own when he chokes, but upon seeing that he's fine, lets it go. Although she can't imagine why he's giving her such a look.]

A princess, actually, but in a theocracy that makes me quite holy indeed! [She says 'princess' as though it's a perfectly ordinary and mundane thing to be.

And then she smiles cheerfully. She always enjoys talking about smiting things.] Oh, but banishing evil is looking out for your safety! Along with everyone else's, of course. It's simply the proactive approach to it! You see, by overcoming the forces of darkness before they can overcome you, you ensure that they cannot harm you for a very long time indeed, if ever! It eliminates the entire reason for running away!

- Oh. Princess. [Rincewind calms considerably. Princesses, while sometimes unfortunately in attendance, are generally not the ones running the sort of violent sacrifices priests and priestesses of the Disc like to engage in.] Should I call you something special then? Instead of, er - sorry, what's your name again?

Except that, for the majority of people, it generally doesn't end up like that. [he points out, sensibly.] Otherwise there wouldn't be quite so many dark forces to begin with, would there? The annoying thing about the forces of darkness is they're rather good at killing the people who try to kill them. They have statistics on their side, in the end.

L'Arachel. Come now, it's not that difficult to remember! Much easier than... Washwind, was it? You may address me as Princess if you wish, but if we are to be housemates, we should be on familiar terms, should we not?

[She shakes her head vehemently.] No, no, you've clearly been looking at all the wrong statistics. The forces of darkness never prevail--why, it's quite impossible! They will always be defeated by the forces of light, for where there is light, darkness simply cannot exist. Oh, they may gain the occasional advantage, but they shall never hold it! Not so long as there are radiant and beautiful champions of light like myself for them to contend with!

Rincewind. And I was just offering, I never know how offended royal-types are going to get. But if you don't mind I certainly don't.

You're wrong. [it's said without malice or accusation but with a soft finality, like the sound of closing a heavy book.] Look, I know you sort never want to hear it, and you still probably won't, but you are, you're wrong. Maybe things in your world, I dunno, but it's not literal, this light and darkness thing. The sun can shine on some pretty nasty truths when you get right down to it. Good doesn't always triumph just because it really wants to. Some days good gets lucky, but most days it doesn't, and that's just life.

Rincewind, yes, I knew it was something like that.

[L'Arachel gives a dismissive wave of her hand.] How utterly ridiculous. Me, wrong? Why, if I were wrong, the Demon King and his minions would be annihilating humanity as we speak! But he is sealed away for all eternity, and do you know why? Because I am right, that's why!

[And she places a hand on her hip.]

It's not a matter of luck, but of divine providence! Good triumphs because it is good, and evil is vanquished because it is evil. If you don't believe me, I'll even prove it to you. Find me something evil, and I'll smite it right now!

Oh yes, sealed away. In your world. Like I said, maybe it's different there.

[he also said she probably wasn't going to listen to him, and he sighs - sometimes it doesn't pay to be right. Rincewind grunts, and maneuvers himself up off the floor so he can sit on the bed. It still feels a bit odd - he's used to mattresses of much poorer quality, much stiffer - but he pats the bed next to him.]

Look, we're not going to agree on this, and the very last thing I want to do right now is find anything evil, so - have a drink with me instead? I'm sure The Luggage has got... tea or something in there, maybe, if you really won't try the wine. [he gives it a doubtful look.]

You know, I don't think most worlds even have a Demon King. Certainly this one does not. Everyone always seems so surprised or confused when I mention him. ...So you see, there's absolutely no cause for concern! Whatever evils this realm contains will surely pale in comparison to the one I've already defeated.

[After a moment's hesitation, she gives a resigned sigh and seats herself on the bed... although she's sure to keep as much distance between herself and The Luggage as she can manage.]

We may not agree yet, but just you stay close to me and watch, and you'll soon behold the power of righteousness with your own eyes. [What sort of awful world this man must have come from to be so skeptical of heroes, she can't begin to fathom, but she remains convinced that there is nothing she can't personally overcome. Skepticism included.

She peers dubiously around Rincewind at The Luggage.] ...It has tea? Truly?

Mine has Demon Kings. [because they always come and go, politics between demons being what they are.] Comepared to some of the other things out there, they're really not that bad on the Disc. Long as you're not in Hell, that is.

Right, sure. [distractedly. He opens the lid of the Luggage and goes browsing. If she cares to look over Rincewind's shoulder, she might see that what he's searching through is black as the void. Then, suddenly - it's not. Suddenly it's just a little pile of cakes and crumpits and tea bags. Rincewind pulls back, clucks his tongue. He supposes it was too much to expect the tea to already be boiled.]

Mmm, yeah, it did, but we're gonna need a kettle, sorry.

Goodness, more than one? [She looks momentarily alarmed by that, but then pauses and considers it for a moment.] ...Well, I suppose if they keep to the nether realm, it may be tolerable. Our Demon King did not, and it caused a terrible amount of trouble for everyone.

[L'Arachel does indeed peer over his shoulder, curious in spite of her misgivings, her eyes growing wide as tea and dainties suddenly appear out of nothingness.]

My, but that may be the most useful abomination I've ever encountered. Is that cake? --Oh, and we have a kettle! It's really quite phenomenal; it doesn't require a fire or anything! I can show you how to use it, if you like!

[She's obviously very proud of the fact that she knows how to use the miraculous kettle of the future.]

Well, not at the same time, I don't think. More as like - a succession. [gathering a little handful of parchment-wrapped pastries and tea bags. He shuts the lid.] Oh, gosh, no, I could see where that would be trouble.

Mm, I think so. Or at least sweet buns. I'm a little concerned how fresh they are, it was a while since I snagged them from the last University dinner... [and he's been through a few different dimensions since then. He takes a bit off one and tries it. It's surprisingly as fresh as it was when he put it in. He shrugs.] Seems to still be good. - And "useful abomination" is probably the best way I've ever heard The Luggage described, so good show on that.

Oh, do you? More of that, erm, "modern" magic? - Sorry, not magic. I'll get the terms right eventually. ...Yeah, all right. Show away.

Then surely you can see why we had little choice but to do something about it. [Said matter-of-factly.

And she nods. 'Modern magic' is, as far as she's concerned, entirely accurate.] Yes, electricity, as they call it. It's truly fascinating! To the best of my understanding, it's actually a very clever new application of Thunder magic. They've put lightning into skinny little wires, and created a whole host of contraptions that put it to use! No magic tomes required!

[She claps her hands together excitedly.] Oh, splendid! We shall have a proper tea party! Now, won't that be so much better than wallowing in alcohol and pessimism? Come, let's be off! [She stands, and points dramatically towards the doorway, smiling brightly.] To the kitchen!

...D'you know, I tried to say people could do that, on the Disc. [a little hotly.] I tried to say that there could be better ways than doing magic, and that harnessing lightning could come into it. But oh nooo, can't harness what's just the spears thrown by fighting thunder giants, don't be silly, Rincewind. Ha! I could show them now, couldn't I?

[he pauses, deflates some.]

If... there were anyone from the Disc here. Although I guess there aren't.

[he won't get to wallow in self-pity for long though, if L'Archel's insane enthusiasm has anything to say about it. Rincewind blinks, then wobbles up to his feet.] Oh, er, all right. I'll follow you then. - Come along. [to the Luggage, who tiredly, reluctantly gathers itself up onto its many pink feet and trundles after them.]

The Disc? Is that the name of your world, then? [L'Arachel leads the way to the kitchen, turning her head to talk to Rincewind over her shoulder.] I doubt anyone in my world has ever thought to use Thunder magic for anything other than battle, but I happen to know certain sages who could surely replicate this electricity effect if they only knew about it. ...There's no one else here from Magvel either, you know, but that doesn't mean there won't ever be! Why, people we know could turn up tomorrow! And then we could show them a great many new things! Wouldn't that be wonderful?

[She's apparently oblivious to whatever bitterness he may harbour, and her smile remains as cheerful as ever as they arrive at their destination and she retrieves the kettle from its shelf.]

Here we are. Watch closely now! It's really very simple!

That's right. Is "Magvel" the name of yours?

...And I'm really not sure how I feel about that. People possibly turning up here, I mean. It's probably not very nice to wish getting sucked out of your own dimension on others. And the people I would wish it on aren't the people I'd want to end up here with me. [you know, where they could hurt him.

He watches cautiously from just over her shoulder, since it occurs to Rincewind that L'Archel is probably just as inexperienced at this technology stuff as he is, and that could be rather dangerous when messing with something powered by lightning. Electricity. Whatever.]

Magvel is the continent's name. The world is simply the world, but I suppose it may need its own name now that I know there's more than one! I'll have to discuss it with my uncle upon my return home.

[L'Arachel shakes her head.] Goodness, but you make it sound as though it's some sort of horrible punishment to be brought here! It's really quite a pleasant realm, for the most part. And surely fate has its reasons for bringing in those it chooses to bring. That includes you too, you know!

[While she is completely inexperienced with technology, and wouldn't have the slightest clue how to cook anything, making tea is important. It was one of the first things she had their housemates show her upon her arrival. She's got this. She adds water to the kettle--itself quite a marvelous feat, to simply turn a tap and have clean water at her disposal.]

There. Now all we do is take this, [she holds up the plug,] and fit it into these little holes in the wall! The water will boil, and it will even whistle to let us know when it's ready!

You really don't have a name for it? It's just "the world"? [raaaaising an eyebrow at this as they head to the kitchen.]

It doesn't really matter how nice this place is though, does it? People still get homesick. I'm homesick already and I've only been here a few days. - And don't talk to me about Fate, that bastard has had it out for me for years now and I'm still not sure why.

[he definitely doesn't talk about it like this is an abstract concept, there is a personal vendetta in that tone.

He crosses his arms and watches her at work, eyeing the whole process skeptically. ...But even he can't help but look a little impressed at how quickly everything goes.] And that's it? ...No fire at all? How long will it take?

Yes, that's what I said. Just "the world". [L'Arachel doesn't see what's so odd about that.] To give it a name would imply that there are other worlds from which we need to be able to differentiate it, wouldn't it? But no one knows that there really are other worlds, except for me! And I only found out a month ago!

[Speaking about fate as a person isn't that strange--Joshua was always going on about Lady Luck, even though L'Arachel never once met anyone by that name--but her eyes widen when Rincewind calls fate a bastard. She gasps in appalled shock, covering her mouth with her hand.]

Mind your tongue! What are you thinking, using such language in the presence of a lady?! You--why, if you keep that up, you'll be having tea by yourself!

[She huffs.] ...Well. Regardless of your... opinion of fate, it works in mysterious ways, you know. We may not understand why things happen as they do, but there's always a good reason, and everything will be made clear eventually.

[And she shakes her head.] No fire, and it only takes a few minutes. I told you it was simple!

Edited 2016-02-17 03:42 (UTC)

That's necessarily true. A lot of places make up names for things when they're the only one just so they can use them to curse better. [blandly. Oh, but - apparently she doesn't like cursing. Rincewind makes a tired face at being scolded for his language, but just barely resists rolling his eyes.]

Fine, fine. Although I'll have you know most ladies I've met know even more inventive words than I do. And Fate's ways aren't mysterious where I'm concerned. Where I'm concerned, they're always rather murderous. You leave an awful lot up to positive thinking, you know. Most of the world is just random chaos.

[- oh, but the kettle is whistling.]

Knowing inventive words is not an excuse to use them. Any true lady will tell you that. I'm familiar with quite a few myself, you know, but you shall never catch me debasing my lips and befouling the air with them.

[...Plus she doesn't actually know what most of the curse words she's picked up from her time in the army even mean. Nor does she think she wants to find out.

And she sighs.] Now, don't start that again. It's not random chaos, it's divine providence. There's no point in arguing, because you can't possibly win--I happen to be an expert in such matters.

--Oh, the water's ready! [Just that quickly, she jumps from lecturing back to cheerful smiles.] Now all we have to do is unplug the kettle, and we're ready for tea! The teapot's in that cupboard behind you; be a dear and fetch it, would you?

Since when are witches so concerned with divine providence? As if such a thing exists. [he mutters this last in what he hopes is out of earshot. It's annoying enough that he's sharing the space with a woman who is obviously a hundred times better at magic than he is (if that glow of octarine around her means anything), but now he's being lectured by her on his language and pessimism, too. And here he'd been so enjoying his buzz...

Funnily enough, he does still follow her directions to get the teapot without protest, grabbing two cups while he's at it. He wonders if they have honey.]

Edited 2016-02-19 13:14 (UTC)

[If Rincewind has to be drunk, the least L'Arachel can do is see that he doesn't get to enjoy it. She has to instruct him about the evils of such things somehow.

Fortunately, his muttering is indeed out of earshot, and she only hears the first part of his commentary. He's spared more lecturing for the time being.]

Witches? What are they?

[She takes the teapot from him with thanks, and carefully pours the steaming water into it.] There. I never know how many tea bags to use for a pot, but let's start with two, and we can always add more if we wish! Do you take your tea with anything? Sugar? Milk?

[meanwhile Rincewind is thinking of ways to spike a jug of her juice or something.

The look he's giving her has turned distinctly judgmental. But also confused.] ...You are. There's no point pretending, you know, I am a wizard, I can see the glow of octarine around you. Why would you try to hide it?

And just honey, if you have it. Otherwise plain is fine.

Edited 2016-02-21 17:39 (UTC)

[L'Arachel gives a wave of her hand.] Goodness, what are you going on about? Wizards and octa... whatever it was. Any glow you see about me is undoubtedly just the radiant splendour of my righteousness. If you wish for me to know what you're talking about, you're going to have to use actual words.

[She takes the teapot over to the dining table, continuing to speak over her shoulder.] We have honey! Third cupboard on your left, I believe. The top shelf. Oh, and bring the teacups with you, too!

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