Video;

[wizzardly]

[The first thing to come over the feed will be a too-close shot of a handmade sign before the wizard gets the right angle to show his face and the small park behind him in Nonah. He appears to be Unhappy.]

Right, okay, was I not legible enough, do you think? Should I have offered translations? I consider myself rather patient on the whole, but when some idiot - for the third time in two days - takes a clear warning and turns it into an invitation to create the sort of disaster which loses me my job, I get the feeling this blasted sign is doing more harm than good. So let's just make something clear, shall we?

This - [the video shifts for a moment to show a wooden trunk on legs, running full tilt behind him after a few terrified squirrels] - is not a pet! It is certainly not some sort of tame training dummy for empty-headed fighters to test their skills on. It is a monstrosity crafted of sapient pearwood, and when it feels its owner, who happens to be me, is being attacked, it eats people. No stern warnings, no shining letterheads or gentle taps on the shoulder, just death. Maybe missing fingers or a quick trampling, if they're lucky.

Am I making myself clear enough? Try to hurt me, this man right here, and my magical box will murder you, and I will watch.

[a pause.]

...Provided I have not already run away.

[Rincewind nods sharply, then takes off his sign and throws it in a trash can.]

There. I've officially done all I can do, I've said my piece, this is no longer my responsibility. [he sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose.] Honestly, I don't understand how it was so difficult to understand in the first place. You see a sign telling you not to do something - who then thinks 'Oh, well surely they don't mean that for me?' I swear, no matter where I find myself, it seems I'm always the only sane man arou -

[there's the loud crack of splintering wood and the sound of several screaming members of the rodent family. Rincewind (and the video) looks behind him to see that the Luggage has knocked down a large oak tree in its pursuit of the squirrels. His face drains of color.]

Oh bugger - !

Comments

[112ounces]

Then a walker, then. Don't even use it for getting around, just smack people if they get too close to your . . . chest. Luggage.

[wizzardly]

But then what if they try to fight me?

[he should maybe make it clear that he is actually a giant coward.]

[112ounces]

Then . . . your Luggage can do the fighting for you?

[ carl. ]

Or something. I dunno. If the sign won't get them to pay attention, then there's nothing there to it but to learn the hard way, won't it? Unless you can leave it in your place.

[wizzardly]

That's a fair point. There's no way to really leave it, Sapient Pearwood will follow its master anywhere. ...And it does come in handy, as you said, when there is a need for fighting.

[mostly as a great distraction so Rincewind can hightail it out of whatever is going on.]

You look a little young to be talking with such authority on this, however.

[112ounces]

Things happened back home that didn't give me much a choice on the matter. But, you know, it's not that bad, knowing the stuff. It takes a split second to decide if you have to bolt or or fight. Although I spend a good part of it hiding or running.

[ And rest gunning down the walking dead or going after hostile survivors. ]

[wizzardly]

Good lad. That's absolutely the way it should be. No use fighting until you absolutely have to.

[112ounces]

Yeah. I can't say it for everyone, but for me, starting a fight against me is a fight that's really easy to avoid.

[ those poor soviet fucks ]

[wizzardly]

If only that were more common. I really can't understand the mentality of people who take everything as an excuse to go charging off into battle.

[112ounces]

Many reasons. Most of them stupid in the long run. But it makes sense to them at the time.

[wizzardly]

Right up until they find a sword in their chest, I'd imagine. Everyone always seems surprised at that point.

[112ounces]

[ oh if only Carl can remembers his latest canon point. Wouldn't that be an ironic thing to say to him? ]

Pretty much.

I mean I don't back down from a fight, especially if people are insisting of giving it to me, but it will be their loss sooner or later.

[ Carl doesn't hesitate to shoot to kill anymore. ]

[wizzardly]

[...okay, creepily serious child.]

Right. Sure. I'd still rather run until absolutely cornered, but as you said.

[112ounces]

[ Normally Carl is self-conscious enough to not do say such things. But uh, certain events happened ect. He's going back to his Season 3 roots again whoops. ]

Anyway. Maybe you should get a lawyer? Or maybe go on BlueTube and make a post. I use it to make a point about adopting animals around Christmas to the natives and it spreads the word quickly enough.

[wizzardly]

I didn't know that site could even be used for things. [every time he goes on it he just falls into this strange pit of endless cat videos and women showing how best to apply makeup.

Rincewind doesn't even care about makeup.]

[112ounces]

It can be used for pretty much everything, as long as it doesn't get too gory or anything offensive. I'd recommend to make your Luggage bite a log in half or something, to show just how dangerous can be if someone messes with it. A demonstration always puts the message across better than a sign can.

[wizzardly]

That rather makes it sound like I'm putting on some sort of circus act: See the amazing magical man-eating box. Just once, though. From the inside.

I wonder if it would still sell tickets. [probably, actually, with this crowd.]

[112ounces]

...It probably would.

[wizzardly]

I know I shouldn't be, I see it so often, but I am perpetually amazed by how many people seem enamored with suicide.

[112ounces]

Well. Then I don't know what to say. It's starting to look like damned if you, damned if you don't kind of a deal.

[wizzardly]

Sounds rather like the tagline for my life.

Thanks anyway.