Video;

[wizzardly]

[The first thing to come over the feed will be a too-close shot of a handmade sign before the wizard gets the right angle to show his face and the small park behind him in Nonah. He appears to be Unhappy.]

Right, okay, was I not legible enough, do you think? Should I have offered translations? I consider myself rather patient on the whole, but when some idiot - for the third time in two days - takes a clear warning and turns it into an invitation to create the sort of disaster which loses me my job, I get the feeling this blasted sign is doing more harm than good. So let's just make something clear, shall we?

This - [the video shifts for a moment to show a wooden trunk on legs, running full tilt behind him after a few terrified squirrels] - is not a pet! It is certainly not some sort of tame training dummy for empty-headed fighters to test their skills on. It is a monstrosity crafted of sapient pearwood, and when it feels its owner, who happens to be me, is being attacked, it eats people. No stern warnings, no shining letterheads or gentle taps on the shoulder, just death. Maybe missing fingers or a quick trampling, if they're lucky.

Am I making myself clear enough? Try to hurt me, this man right here, and my magical box will murder you, and I will watch.

[a pause.]

...Provided I have not already run away.

[Rincewind nods sharply, then takes off his sign and throws it in a trash can.]

There. I've officially done all I can do, I've said my piece, this is no longer my responsibility. [he sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose.] Honestly, I don't understand how it was so difficult to understand in the first place. You see a sign telling you not to do something - who then thinks 'Oh, well surely they don't mean that for me?' I swear, no matter where I find myself, it seems I'm always the only sane man arou -

[there's the loud crack of splintering wood and the sound of several screaming members of the rodent family. Rincewind (and the video) looks behind him to see that the Luggage has knocked down a large oak tree in its pursuit of the squirrels. His face drains of color.]

Oh bugger - !

Comments

[protagerrant]

Hey, a mimic. Never thought I'd say this, but I kind of miss them. Still haven't found any monsters around here.

[Yuri no.]

[wizzardly]

A what? ...This is the Luggage. Were you not listening?

And you're still the only person I've met crazy enough to go looking for those. Congratulations.

[protagerrant]

It looks like a mimic, acts like a mimic... though I've never seen a monster follow a human around. It's kind of cute.

[wizzardly]

Cute?

[what even are you, Yuri, seriously. Rincewind pinches the bridge of his nose; he doesn't know where to start.]

Look, what, exactly, is a mimic?

[protagerrant]

Sure, it must like you a lot to attack people for you.

[He's a jrpg protag that's what.]

I'm telling you, a mimic is that thing, right there. Monster that looks like a treasure chest, huge tongue. Don't think I've seen one with feet before though.

[wizzardly]

"Like" seems the wrong word there.

[and that - throws him for a loop. Because the whole "looking like a treasure chest" is absolutely a favorite trick of the Luggage's.]

You really do have these in your world then? [but without feet? He can't decide if that would make it creepier or not. Less destructive for sure, but...] Are they multi-dimensional as well?

[protagerrant]

[Yuri shrugs, assuming 'multi-dimensional' means something close to 'everywhere'.]

No idea, but they're on Terca Lumireis, anyway. What else would you call it? Loyalty? Did you save it's life or anything like that?

[wizzardly]

It's probably just obligation. I'm technically its owner, I'm sure it's just in the magic somewhere that it has to look out for me.

[you know, surely the two haven't grudgingly come to like each other or anything over all their adventures. Surely not.]

Do you fight them, these mimics?

[protagerrant]

Riiight.

[Definitely not.]

Yeah, when we have to. They're usually pretty persistent.

[wizzardly]

[...he decides they aren't anything like the Luggage. He decides that, firmly, because the idea that people could talk casually about defeating something like the Luggage terrifies him.]

I suppose you call them that because they mimic treasure chests?

[protagerrant]

As far as I know. Lot shorter than "fake treasure chest monster."

[wizzardly]

The Luggage has tried that trick a few times. Tends to be rather effective, really.

[protagerrant]

It's a pretty dirty trick. Does it eat humans...?

[wizzardly]

But effective.

If they give it reason to. [and it never needs much of one.]

[protagerrant]

And what does it consider 'a reason' besides attacking you?

[wizzardly]

Oh, you know. Getting in its way, making it angry... being in sight... Depends, really.

[protagerrant]

Considering how much it seems to dislike everybody else, are you sure it doesn't have a thing for you?

[wizzardly]

...I'll thank you never to insinuate that ever again.

[and just to be clear:]

Ever.

[protagerrant]

Suit yourself.